could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
could use a hug
143
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm

....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?


I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.


He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 7:35pm

Good point, Steph- tragic, but good.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 9:57pm

((((((((HUGS))))))))


Awwww I would love to have girl's

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 10:22pm
Im sorry you had such a tough day - but every feeling, every word ... is a step in the right direction for you. Whatever YOUR choose it to be

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 10:48pm

((hugs))) I am late to this, but sheesh 60+ posts since this morning WOW! I think you've already heard what I would have said, but this bit about BE perhaps getting sober AFTER you end it then being this great guy for someone else- just don't go there. That is a fantasy. He won't be a different person for you. At age 50+ his personality isn't going to change much. He deals with stress and his own self doubts (this stuff with his daughter has to be a kick in the head as a parent) by getting together with the boys and having a few. That is his coping mechanism. He has to choose to learn new ways to deal with the icky parts of life, it is not your responsibility.

My divorcing PsychoBoy was the biggest kick in the butt that man ever had. He temporarily stopped drinking, but his behavior towards me was the same. And I thought he was nicer to his Social Climbing S**t than he was to me, but after a year or so, I heard he started treating her EXACTLY the way he treated me. From the outside you wouldn't know, you'd think he was a prince.

He already knows how you feel about that particular scenario, the having plans slip away to being at some drinking establishment. There you are trying to be accommodating by saying OK to stopping by for one, I totally get why you snapped. But regardless of BE's drinking issues, I also get where he is coming from. Stop being accommodating when it just is going to end up with you feeling resentful. That goes for situations with friends other than BE too. Just say, "No, I'd rather go home." It's kind of like when M said he'd go to the opera with me, but he really just wanted to get to his super bowl party. He thought he was being nice by agreeing to go, doing it just to please me, so I should have appreciated what time he did spend there. I did not see it that way. I'd rather have gone with someone who wanted to be there. KWIM? Of course there is the whole larger and more distressing issue for you that this was your one on one time after all this stuff with his daughter and from your perspective, he didn't value that aspect of your plans. That is something you have to be able to get across clearly. It isn't about the change of plan per se, it is the attitude that the one on one time was secondary, he could fit it in later. M and I had a few discussions on that issue. He gets it now.

(hugs) again girl. You'll survive this and be a stronger, wiser, and perhaps calmer, person at the resolution

QueenBun

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 10:51am

I LOVE dogs, especially puppies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 11:26am

Pacific


You've gotten soooo much good advice here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 12:14pm
Thanks~That would be fun wouldnt it? I often think how much fun we would all have getting together from this board...trouble but fun trouble, lol!
~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 12:59pm

Pac honey, I hope you're feeling better today, and got a good night's sleep.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 4:08pm

<<<>>>>>


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 7:28pm

Thanks for asking, Alison

~Pacific~

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