could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
could use a hug
143
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm

....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?


I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.


He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 8:02pm

Pacific...


It is sooo obvious to me how great you are! You see the potential in everyone. You see the silver linings. You see the positive. I'm sure you left BE's daughter feeling a more positive outlook... but only time will tell, if SHE will make the right choices. Just like BE himself. You see his potential, too... and he IS a very lucky man to have you in his life.


It's sad that after hearing more about him (and all those alcoholism-related stories from others)... that he might not even realize what a treasure you are, and might be willing to choose the old life (and having to let you go)

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 8:38pm

I know you mean well, but having this attitude: " I can see how brilliant she COULD be if..." doesn't help anyone.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 9:55pm

hey PacSun - I am checking in - and chiming in with Shrimps - she always writes so well and I agree with what she says.

HUGS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 11:56pm

(((((((((Pacific)))))))))


I have been away from the board for a couple of days so I am late jumping in but I wanted to add my support.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 9:09am
I am glad you are feeling better and I can't add anything more than Shrimpy posted. Except to ask yourself a question and think hard about it. Do you spend more time unhappy and stressed with this relationship than happy and fulfilled? That is what a close friend asked me when things were going badly with my ex-abf. ((((HUGS)))
Steph
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 3:57am

Big hugs to you, Pacsun. You are always so sweet and kind to everyone here, and you are a truly wonderful person, so it is sad when BE doesn't treat you as you deserve. I remember the last big blow-out you had with him occured in exactly the same situation - you had planned to spend the afternoon together but he preferred to drink with his friends.


What I don't get is why he doesn't seem to want to make the most of the time you have have together to spend quality couple time. After all, and I am not condoning him going out drinking, he COULD see his friends any other night of the week. He should WANT to make the most of the time he has with you, which is obviously more limited because you are a mom. I think this is the real stinger. It's like with many things - we can ask our partners to do something, but what we really want, is for them to want to do it themselves, without being asked. This is true for many things, even small things like the housework. I often think how come Monkey can't see that the coffee table needs cleaning? He will do it if I ask, but I end up feeling like a nag. Which is probably a little how you are feeling right now. It is just disappointing that he preferred to do something else rather than spend quality time alone with you.


I hope you are feeling a little better today. Here is another cutey for your collection.


Big hugs, and I am thinking about you.


Clem xx


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 9:18am
Awwwww darling!!!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 9:31am

Hi Pacs!


I'm sorry that you are going through all this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 11:01am

Pac~Sun, (((HUGS)))!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:20pm

That's really nice of you to say, Shrimpy!


I do see the silver lining in almost everone, probably to a fault sometimes. I feel good about talking to BEs daughter- just wish I could do more but I know it is up to her and only her.


I don't feel very "wordy" today so I will just say thank you and huge hugs for your kind post :o)


~Pacific~

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