could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
could use a hug
143
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm

....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?


I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.


He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:27pm

It's true- I sometimes get overly positive about the potential- and the reality sits there in my face and I just want to see around it - I sometimes deny what they are showing me- as if to say I know better, I knw what's inside of you just bring it out. I'm tired because it's as you have experienced with A- a brick wall with the potential behind that brick wall- beating my fists and head against that brick wall trying to let that light and potential out. But I can't do it, he is going to have to do it himself if he wants to.


I always appreciate your input, Alison. This weekend was rough holding my stance but I'm doing fine, feeling a bit stronger today than yesterday, and tomorrow will be even better. Still needing my space and time and feeling fine about it- the panic has subsidded and now I am using my brain to think things through. I'll

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:29pm
Hang in there!! (((HUGS)))
Steph
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:30pm

Here's the thing, Steph-


There are actually WAY more good, I mean really great times than there are bad ones. We could go for months on a love high, really solid, then wham...one bad thing and I react really badly. It's because despite all the work he's done I still get scared whenever that ugly beast shows up even for an evening. So there are many more good times than bad- but the bad are really scary to me and make huge impressions.


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:35pm

- we can ask our partners to do something, but what we really want, is for them to want to do it themselves, without being asked.


Yep- that's the clencher. That's it! He will say "all you had to do was say no" when he asked to stay longer...but I am thinking and feeling, why do I have to even say no? why does he even ask? He knows what I want but I can't make him want the same things, and that part hurts. But I feel it is his drinking. He has just one and wants/needs more sometimes, like last thurday in our blowout. This kind of situation seems to happen every few months and I react very badly to it- it is a sting just like you said.


I love the sweet "cookies" kitty!!!


thanks for that smile this morning :o)


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:40pm

This is YOUR life and YOU determine how you want to feel or let others make you feel.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:41pm
I am not going to preach at you, but I will say that the bad things SHOULD scare you and make bad impressions. When you posted about him punching the wall I knew there were some really serious and scary issues. BTDT.
Only you can decide what is best for YOU and your daughter.
Steph
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:45pm
I think that it's good you got out and did some things you like.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:49pm

You probably plan alot of your time around what he's doing so it's probably really difficult to feel like you're being flip-flopped around all the time.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:53pm

Yeah this weekend he mentioned wanting to do some task and asked if I wanted to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:54pm
I think that is good you are looking at the bad side - even though it doesn't come up that much, it is serious and would be to me as well. Good luck with everything. Glad to hear you survived your weekend - that is very good!

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