could use a hug
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| Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm |
....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?
I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.
He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

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It's true- I sometimes get overly positive about the potential- and the reality sits there in my face and I just want to see around it - I sometimes deny what they are showing me- as if to say I know better, I knw what's inside of you just bring it out. I'm tired because it's as you have experienced with A- a brick wall with the potential behind that brick wall- beating my fists and head against that brick wall trying to let that light and potential out. But I can't do it, he is going to have to do it himself if he wants to.
I always appreciate your input, Alison. This weekend was rough holding my stance but I'm doing fine, feeling a bit stronger today than yesterday, and tomorrow will be even better. Still needing my space and time and feeling fine about it- the panic has subsidded and now I am using my brain to think things through. I'll
Steph
Here's the thing, Steph-
There are actually WAY more good, I mean really great times than there are bad ones. We could go for months on a love high, really solid, then wham...one bad thing and I react really badly. It's because despite all the work he's done I still get scared whenever that ugly beast shows up even for an evening. So there are many more good times than bad- but the bad are really scary to me and make huge impressions.
- we can ask our partners to do something, but what we really want, is for them to want to do it themselves, without being asked.
Yep- that's the clencher. That's it! He will say "all you had to do was say no" when he asked to stay longer...but I am thinking and feeling, why do I have to even say no? why does he even ask? He knows what I want but I can't make him want the same things, and that part hurts. But I feel it is his drinking. He has just one and wants/needs more sometimes, like last thurday in our blowout. This kind of situation seems to happen every few months and I react very badly to it- it is a sting just like you said.
I love the sweet "cookies" kitty!!!
thanks for that smile this morning :o)
This is YOUR life and YOU determine how you want to feel or let others make you feel.
Only you can decide what is best for YOU and your daughter.
Steph
You probably plan alot of your time around what he's doing so it's probably really difficult to feel like you're being flip-flopped around all the time.
Yeah this weekend he mentioned wanting to do some task and asked if I wanted to help.
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