could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
could use a hug
143
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm

....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?


I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.


He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:59pm
Have you made a decision?



Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 1:00pm

HUGE HUGS((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Pac Sun))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 1:20pm

Thanks Looney!! Yeah, I feel the love :o)


That's why

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 1:22pm

The whole "my time" thing can be an issue if the people are not in sync.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 1:29pm

I have madea decision about one thing concretely- I won't take second place or be treated with disrespect. I made a decision over the weekend to back away from situations where I get caught up in no-win fights.


My decision will emotionally distance myself from BE, there is no doubt. I have not decided to call him and end things abrupty. I will talk to him, maybe mid week (Wednesdays are always good- I have time) and tell him that this last blow out has me taking a few steps back. I will be occupying myself with other things more often so as to not expect his time therefor getting set up for disappointment. He will most likely see this as an over reaction to our fight but it's not. It's simply a way of protecting myself.


And if this creates more disctance between us then it does. I need me, and having my own interests is a lifesaver right now. So my only concrete decision is that I need more solid ground and the time to myself is very good. And also that I still refuse to give up my boundaries just because he throws a fit about my reactions.


So a couple more days of thinking and then an up front honest talk mid week. IF I feel like even talking then.


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 1:46pm

But you really need to ask yourself: do I want to just DISTANCE myself here?


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 2:00pm

ask yourself: do I want to just DISTANCE myself here?

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 2:03pm

You all had such a busy weekend here--whew!!

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2006
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 7:07pm

Hi pacific_sun. I haven't posted on this board before, but I've lurked for a while.

The ladies on this board are super supportive and really have your back here. Thats so fantastic that you have that.

I just wanted to add my 2 cents.

1. Abstaining/cutting down on alcohol use isn't the same as being IN RECOVERY. Basically, you just have a more sober guy with horrible coping skills. The issues that cause his drinking are still there, and he still doesn't have any idea how to deal with those things.

2. Managing someone else's addiction is impossible. And it makes you crazy in the process. Aren't you tired of this?

3. Alanon is a great place to get support from women in the same situation you are in right now.

You sound like a super nice lady that really has a big heart. You deserve some peace, quiet and an emotionally available man.

Big Hugs,
Irishgrl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 7:53pm

Thanks, IrishGrl-


I have been looking into Alanon. It's either that (learning to live with this by using boundaries and coping thru something like Alanon) or leaving him- I don't see any other option.


It's hard for me to believe the incredible words of support here. I know that if

~Pacific~

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