Could use some input.. sorry, its long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Could use some input.. sorry, its long.
26
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 1:47pm

Way, way too long of a post. Sorry in advance.


I wanted to post a bit about this weekend. It felt a bit turbulent to me. Sometimes I don't know when I am over reacting. So I'll write the facts and how it made me feel.


Thursday night was beautiful. It was the evening where BE and I sat and enjoyed the fall evening sky. It was magical! Friday after work we went to disc golf. I had a friend there too, and so when BE hinted that he would like to go play a round with the boys I said no problem. I was happy play a round with my friend and he was pleased that I had no problem with that at all. That night we got home and we were getting ready for the Jackson Brown concert.


The concert was in the Arlington Theatre..it a small venue and its classy enough that wearing a dress fits the atmosphere. I wore a black dress that I felt good in, got dolled up, and I admit I was hoping for BE to compliment me but he didn't. He was acting kind of juvenile all night, sort of treating me like a 6th grade buddy, poking fun, teasing. I was hoping to be "courted" as silly as that sounds. We've been together almost two years and now living together but I was disappointed that he wasnt acting like he was dating me. I even "fished" for a compliment twice which is so unlike me! Both times he did not say I looked anything other than "cool" when I prompted him.


We got to the concert (which was great by the way. Oh and we saw Jeff Bridges in the balcony also!) and during intermission we went to the patio for a drink. I don't know what possessed him to say this but he stepped back, looked me over and said "I think comparatively speaking you look good. I'd definitely put you in the top 10."

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 2:18pm
I'm sorry Pac! Big big hugs to you! I could totally relate to what you said! All of it. I do have to admit, reading it, often reminds me of the typical woman and man syndrom. The woman looking for different ways of appreciation and the man, not getting it, unless spelled out for him. Although, I do feel, BE knows you well enough, that he should know you by now.
Of course you want to feel cherished and loved. This is supposed to be a honeymoon feeling for both of you, the next step sort of thing. I am sure that he will make it up to you, but don't let him make this as an ongoing excuse to not treat you, the way you deserve to be treated. Big hugs and let us know how this evening goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 2:32pm
Dam% girl!!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 2:52pm

Aw, thanks, Cat. I felt like b*tch all weekend but you are so right about the man/woman appreciation thing. Sometimes I lose sight and I get reactive. Dang it...stupid emotions lol!!


I think you are right, he will try and find ways to please me unexpectedly. I would love that! And what I try to do for him is to accept and appreciate him..he his angry tantrums directed towards inanimate objects lol.

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 2:56pm

Thanks for your words!!


Sometimes it takes me some time to stand back and put things in persepctive. I'm finding that my issue is the fear of feeling "unspecial" or overlooked. Comes from years of conditioning and I fear it. So at least I know were it comes from. BE's issue is that he wants unconditional acceptance and love. The uncontrolling type of love. I am learning.. it is a process!


Yea...a big kiss is called for. I'll lay one on him tonight just cuz. :o)

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 3:47pm

Give him hugs and kisses, but let him come to you and cuddle. I think he will, because he'll want to make up for his boyish acts.

As I learn more about CG, I learn that he too has his boyish antics. Short tantrums and then over it. It'll be interesting to see as we continue to learn. And isn't it always a learning process, no longer HOW LONG you've been together? Learn and grow. Right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 3:51pm

isn't it always a learning process, no longer HOW LONG you've been together? Learn and grow. Right?


So true! I told him that last night..even after almost two years we are still learning what makes each other tick and how we react to things. I like that we always learn and discover things about each other. It makes life interesting to say the least.


I'm happy for you in your new stage with CG. It is an exciting time of discovery. Enjoy! And yea...many more nights to come and make up for the night you were both sick. Many more!! You have soo much to look forward to :o)

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 3:51pm

I haven't read the other responses but thought I would throw my 2 cents in without being guided by other's responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 4:02pm

Actually Priscilla, it does help. I appreciate your input a lot.


Could be a self esteem issue.


I've been thinking about that and I think it is true. My self esteem waxes and wanes sometimes, and I think that with the move in I have been fearful of things. Like what if his feeling schange, there I am stuck. Silly and insecure thoughts. They get in there and then I am mentally testing him without even realizing it and when he does not "pass" I get very hard on him. That is so not right of me to do.


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 4:41pm

Pac ((((HUGS))))


Now, I think you need to step back and take a deep breath.


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Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 4:50pm

Ah it seems like a case of wanting to have your needs fulfilled while being with someone who did not pick up on what those are.

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