Could use some input.. sorry, its long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Could use some input.. sorry, its long.
26
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 1:47pm

Way, way too long of a post. Sorry in advance.


I wanted to post a bit about this weekend. It felt a bit turbulent to me. Sometimes I don't know when I am over reacting. So I'll write the facts and how it made me feel.


Thursday night was beautiful. It was the evening where BE and I sat and enjoyed the fall evening sky. It was magical! Friday after work we went to disc golf. I had a friend there too, and so when BE hinted that he would like to go play a round with the boys I said no problem. I was happy play a round with my friend and he was pleased that I had no problem with that at all. That night we got home and we were getting ready for the Jackson Brown concert.


The concert was in the Arlington Theatre..it a small venue and its classy enough that wearing a dress fits the atmosphere. I wore a black dress that I felt good in, got dolled up, and I admit I was hoping for BE to compliment me but he didn't. He was acting kind of juvenile all night, sort of treating me like a 6th grade buddy, poking fun, teasing. I was hoping to be "courted" as silly as that sounds. We've been together almost two years and now living together but I was disappointed that he wasnt acting like he was dating me. I even "fished" for a compliment twice which is so unlike me! Both times he did not say I looked anything other than "cool" when I prompted him.


We got to the concert (which was great by the way. Oh and we saw Jeff Bridges in the balcony also!) and during intermission we went to the patio for a drink. I don't know what possessed him to say this but he stepped back, looked me over and said "I think comparatively speaking you look good. I'd definitely put you in the top 10."

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 5:51pm

Wow, thanks Alison. I needed to hear that. Especially when you point out the things he is doing that proves his commitment to this relationship. I know all those things, so why do I get let down when I don't get a little attention? This is a whole new game for me... I never lived with anyone before marriage.


Thank you for pointing those things out. I was worked up and sometimes I can't get over myself to see the big picture, you know?


I have a great guy. He adores me and he (we) are worth the effort we put into this. The rewards have been so great!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 5:58pm

This is what I love about close, caring, committed relationships is when we have those “disconnects” and what comes out of the other end is something stronger, more understanding, and opportunities for our own personal growth as well.


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 6:02pm

"I know all those things, so why do I get let down when I don't get a little attention?"


How are you not getting attention when you're spending time together?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 6:20pm

he's likely feeling that YOUR value was more on the bracelet you already had


Actually yes, that makes sense. In fact he mentioned that last night,. He said "you've been carrying that one around broken so I knew you loved it. I though you wanted me to fix it". So you are spot on right on that one.


I suppose the the lack of verbal validation over the weekend was because it was different than how he usually is. I was thinking "where did my BE go?". But now I am seeing that he was under stress, and I'm not going to take any of that personally. And I like what you said about now knowing that BEs stress= bad humor. Now

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 6:42pm

((((hugs)))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 6:48pm

Thanks, B :o)


You are right, we both need hugs! I plan on holding him close tonight when we get to bed and telling him I appreciate all he does already. I can be psycho and together we both our dark sides. But that I am thankful he is the one I am with.

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 10:14pm
I am so sorry. That is a rough weekend. If you think about it we women speak a different language than men and we try to have relationships with this handicap between us. It's difficult and can spiral. I say give each other some hugs and kisses and remember why you love each other tonight.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 12:31am
Although I DO think he was acting a bit immature - Al makes some GREAT points!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 9:57am

I read somewhere that if men don't get enough "cave time" or don't allow themselves to have that time they get that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 11:06am
Hey! Is this "Pick on Al" day?
The boy

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