Curious about my story. background
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| Sun, 02-17-2008 - 2:29am |
Well, I've posted here with positive responses, so here goes.
I'm curious how receptive a women's board would be, to be honest. Since I'm posting, anyone should be able to read my story and the dirty laundry. Otherwise, it's so much noise in the vacuum of the internet.
I'm 28, my SO is 46. We met in November 05, and hit it off. Badly, since we were both married. Nothing, other than naughty emails happened. I'd been with my husband since 16 and raised his children (3) while having 2 together. We did that with total custody of all of them. Neither of them are parents to write home about. I'm not retarded or white trash. I'm in Mensa. Apparently I have poor impulse control ;P
So, after a blowup in December 05, about the aforementioned naughty emails, and MANY other issues, we divorced. My single life is wonderful thus far. The guy I was talking to eventually divorced his wife, after an 18 yr marriage. Not to be with me, since I was dating my one rebound guy at the time. At any rate, 2 yrs later, we are together, and everyone on the outside would assume (since it was a very public blowup in our circles) that we were screwing around the whole time and destroyed two families.
So. Thats my story. I'm ok with it. I like the way this board works thus far and feel like I have something to help. I went from not knowing how my bank account worked (post it being cleaned out) to managing everything MYSELF. I'm dating someone on the very few days that I don't have my kids.
So, I'm not up for arbitrary judgment, but I won't ever be a cheerleader for something I think is detrimental. Nice to meet everyone :)

I think everyone on this board landed here without exactly asking for it, lol.
I guess I don't really know what you are looking for us to say. I personally haven't slept with a married man, nor do I ever see myself doing so, but I would not pass judgement for anyone that has, except maybe for someone that does it on a regular basis.
However, I do know we have some women that are attracted to older men, but I think I would pass more judgement on the men in your life that think it's ok to date someone as young as you were and are now. I mean if you were 16 and raising someone elses 3 children, I would think he also was quite a bit older then you were. Or I could be wrong. But the man who is now 46 dating someone who is only 28 that would ring bells.
Not sure what you are looking for as a response. All are welcome here and you will find little judgement if any on this board.
I have issues with women dating married men or flirting with them or just tempting people to do things which start a spiral of hurt but everyone makes mistakes. Do you feel it was a mistake to start out relationships in this way? Have you had any regrets? I think you can be at peace with it and even happy in a current situation but acknowledge it having started poorly.
Being brilliant doesnt grant us judgement or experience and I too would question more the men ( like Cat did ) involved for choosing you with such an age difference and children involved. Do you feel taken advantage of having been 16 and put in the situation you described? Could you really have consented back then the way you can now, older and wiser?
We have all made mistakes. It really is more about what we learned from them in my book. But even in writing that I realize you might not see yourself in a category of people who have made mistakes either.
I have dated men older and even in the age difference you described but it became clear to me that it wasnt about me, but more about what they lacked in confidence or something they thought they could gain from being with me. Youth is a fleeting asset and I wanted to be loved for who I am. But that was my situation. Your situation could be entirely different and if you are happy I would have to guess it is very different indeed...
I am now with someone younger and this has proved wonderful for me. I dont think I would consider dating older again even if my current relationship didnt work out. But there are many on the board who lean towards older men and I think some that even are in the midst of wondering why so maybe you can shed some light on that subject!
He is also young in the sense he is active, hot, and sexually very open and I LOVE that because I still see myself that way. When I dated older it was difficult in some cases because I felt like I was kind of the firecracker and I really enjoy the fact that he likes to really keep me on my toes.
And, it occurs to me almost daily that even with his family dramas, he comes with very few exes and very little baggage. I have that obviously with my divorce and kid and he is super understanding and sees me very clearly for who I was back then and how I made some of those decisions and who I am now.
We really are very happy together and I am a lucky lucky girl. Maybe that's it - he reminds me that I am a girl! Silly maybe but it is so great to feel in one day like a woman, a mom, and that artsy girl I always have been. :)
Sorry, I may not have been clear. Nothing happened till we were both divorced, other than the initial flirty emails, and that was only going on for about 2 weeks before my initial separation. That was over a year before we actually started dating. People who were not actually aware of the details other than the accusations would see the fact that we are NOW dating as confirmation of my ex's accusations then.
I wasn't actually looking for any sort of response or validation, I just thought that since I am commenting on other people's issues, they should be able to see where I'm coming from. As for the age difference, it is a bit unusual. We actually have quite a bit in common since our kids are the same age, we work in the same field, and have similar opinions on life/kids/relationships, etc.
As for the warning bells... I would agree if I had had a more typical 28 yr olds life. As it is, I don't have much in common with most people in their 20s, and none of my friends are under 30.
Thanks for the responses! This was mainly to say hi and introduce myself.
Hello and thanks for sharing your story :o)
No judgements- that's what I love abut this board. It feels safe to air our truths and and pasts and present situations without being scorned.