Cute Newly Divorced Gal communication
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| Fri, 04-11-2008 - 1:37am |
So I've been on Match.com and have met two nice women who are friend material. God I know people say you cannot have too many friends but friends take time and energy (for establishing new friends, not for old friends). I met this nice woman off MySpace who also became a friend and the prostitute there as well which did not go beyond a coffee meeting. There are a couple of other possibilities in the pipeline but truthfully all I am in the emotional state is for "just friends."
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Cute Newly Divorced Gal (CNDG). She was on Match as well but last I checked she took her profile off which means one of two things, she does not want to date anymore or she is dating one guy exclusively.
She and I are on MySpace and are "friends" there. I blog what is going on with me there pretty extensively. Last we talked (about a month ago?), she does read it regularly but does not leave any comments.
I don't hear from her and I squelch my impulse to contact her. However tonight I got a MySpace comment on one of my blogs. I did try calling her after that but no answer. I sent a MySpace message asking her to call me. It was bittersweet to read it for she is not in my life in the way I would have wanted her to be.
I wanted to share with you what she said:
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"I just read your blogs and needed to write you as I have been thinking of you lately. I just completed a workshop today with Dr. "Z" "Breaking the Silence of Black on Black Violence" It was an extremely moving experience for me. It wasn't so much focused on race or violence as it was on the roots of those outcomes. Where it comes from and how we can be 'Hope Restoration Specialists'. It starts with our own baggage and in order 'to heal, we have to get real'. This was so much of the same work you did with me. I had a breakthrough today. She invited anyone to come up and write on a piece of paper who we would choose to forgive and what we wanted to let go of. Each person came down the line and said out loud to the person holding the garbage bag what they had written. My heart felt pain after I sat back down. Pain like pressure, like I had to hold it in my chest.
I think of you whenever I experience my heart opening up. I appreciate you in my life and thank you for taking care with me and holding my hand/heart while you showed me I can create a safe place to allow my heart to grow.
I continue my heart work (and am reminded as I write that of my Rubberstamping business I named 'HeArtworks'). This seems to be my current repeating pattern. It is becoming ever more persistant lately and my resistance is finally becoming futile!
I think of you as my gentle spiritual teacher who shows me the way to myself with a beaming smile and a joyful heart.
Be well,
//CNDG"
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NOTE: Her notation "//" means how we mirror each other
Edited 4/11/2008 10:48 am ET by mhash

Hugs that it's just not what you want it to be. But I am smiling at it all because she just so obviously values you and your presence in her life. Whether it becomes a passing presence, or you become a more permanent part of her life... no one can tell yet. But she definitely values you. That alone is HUGE, especially in this world where so many people treat others as disposable beings.
If it doesn't feel right to be dating (chasing any romantic interests), then don't date for awhile. IMO, your heart just won't be in it right now, and it won't get you anything. Just do the friends things with your friends. And if even that is too stressful... just spend some time to yourself. I really do think you are doing okay, even if you sound a bit sad in your posts still, when it comes to CNDG. You've already touched her in ways that are priceless (and vice versa).
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Hey Mark, I am chiming in with Shrimps. I know this is not what you would have wanted to hear - but it does mean she values you as a friend. I think she got caught up in the moment of class and remembered and appreciated that you had shared the same info as well.
I guess all you can do now is to keep busy and know that each day will bring you more peace. IT is hard when you like someone romantically and they do not feel the same way. I know your pain. Don't have anything to help - only time itself will do that. As you already know! HUGS! I wish it could be different for you.
Hi Mark-
I was touched by how CNDG expresses herself so honestly to you. She certainly values the gift you gave her- wise, unconditional love and the space to allow her to grow. I see her comment to you as a way to say she appreciates what you have done for her, allowed her to go free and explore herself. What strikes me is how your intimate emotional bond between you grew so fast, and that must be hard to have felt (so real) and then be told to let go to this extent.
She sounds happy and grateful. I hope you too are happy, however things develope or go with you two. I know it hurts to have something you cherish be at arms length. I understand how this comment from her would be bittersweet for you-