Cute Widow weekend

Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Cute Widow weekend
44
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 5:13pm

Ok the Cute Widow weekend is officially a success. Success because we really enjoyed each other, able to let each other know what bothered us about the other person in a way that was respectful and accepting. She offered to drive which I took her up on her offer for I hate to drive. Later I found out that her last relationship (first relationship since the death of her husband 3.5 yrs ago) that she always drove since her bf only had a motorcycle. So I kept offering to drive and expressed my appreciation for her driving us the 3 hr trip to the beach place. What I liked about her is her patience in not sweating the small stuff.

We only stayed overnight and drove back the next afternoon. I told her that I read about someone not wanting to marry their fiance until they had gone on a foreign country trip together for if they were able to negotiate and get along on a trip like that then they would be compatible for marriage. So even though it was only an overnighter to the next state over, I thought that was a good mini-test.

Saturday night we went to the (delayed) Summer Solstice party given by my 42 yr old friend Cynthia. I have been to her parties before and they go on until dawn (I never stay that late). My 60 yr old friend also showed up as well for she became friends with Cynthia after I introduced them (plus they are neighbors). I helped write Terry's Match.com profile. She wanted to lie about her age since she did not want old men for they are out of shape and in active (according to her). She is a fit, young looking 60.

Cute Widow and I had a great time and she really enjoyed my friends. CW brought her home brewed beer there (which was really good).

So it was funny when Terry and her bonded and CW told Terry I am “prickly” and not “warm and fuzzy.” Terry was surprised for her experience of me was not that way. I liked that they talked about me with me right there. I liked that CW was frank and forthright about her feelings and experience of me. Terry really liked her for she thought CW is intelligent unlike CNDG.

We parted today (Sunday) with the intent on seeing each other again. She is training for this bike event which is great since I getting back into bicycling. She has a couple of kayaks so we talked about enjoying the Blues Festival in the kayak (since the concerts are on the riverfront). I love falt water kayaking as well.

What also impressed me was her story on how she is not afraid of death anymore from her experience after her husband died suddenly of a heart attack. She believes she actually received communications from him after his death. Her husband use to bring her Moonstruck chocolate. She and her husband would debried and complain about her father after his visits. The father is this narcacisstic man who is self centered and not pleasant to be with. One month after her husband died, Cute Widow's father visited and it was particularly trying for her. When she was out back cleaning the BBQ, she found this Moonstruck chocolate by the grill where none was before, a sign from her dead husband, being there for her.

She does know that I am seeing other women off eHarmony. I have a couple in the pipeline which I plan to follow through with but after this weekend, I am more convinced that Cute Widow is someone I want to get to know more and spend more time with. CW cancelled her 3 month subscription today.

Another thing I like about her is that she told me that she will take of herself emotionally so I should not adjust my behavior in order to take care of her.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 9:01am
I agree with Dance and Soonee. I also wanted to say that as much as you should talk to her about your feelings regarding an overnight with a 13 year old there, it doesnt change the fact that she was seemingly ok with it on her own. That is the red flag. Even if you open her eyes and she realizes what an irresponsible idea this is, the fact that she couldnt come up with that on her own is worrisome.
I am sure all of us have been in situations where we had a very hot new relationship with a great guy and were dying to have him bring a toothbrush but our common sense and maternal instincts wouldnt allow the thought to even finish itself in our heads.
Have you met this kid?
Soonee is right. Sex too soon does make women vulnerable and most women and men are aware of this while they are choosing to have sex too early. In these situations most of the time the man isnt ready to commit yet and just liked the sex and enjoys the woman and the woman is ready to date exclusively and wants that ASAP.
If you spend the night with her 13 year old there and then decide next week you arent ok with the idea of a relationship with her, how will that feel to her? And yes, I know it is her own decision to make about the overnight but the vulnerability she feels which could be clouding her judgement is something you have participated in creating.
Lilypie - Personal picture
Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:02am

Some clarification: We did have sex already. We did talk about how sex can be more binding for women. She also said that not waiting is because of her age (49). Or I suspect it was because she knows that life is short since her 50 yr old husband dropped dead suddenly of a heart attack.

CW has talked about owning her own feelings and not to try to take care of her on this (another thing I like about her). We have talked about how each of us are responsible. I do say that I am responsible for acting as respectfully and honestly as I can with her.

She took off her eHarmony subscription not because of me but because she was sick of it and it was 3 months. She said she would have terminated it regardless if she met me or not.

I met her 13 yr old.

Thanks for the your points-of-view.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:15am

Bom-chica-wow-wow...


;0)

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:19am

I'm putting the "lets calm down" icon on this response mom little star... Geeez!

What I liked about CW is that she said that things like this takes a leap of faith. I thought about having each of my children and adopting my dog. All those acts were a great leap of faith. It was nice to put what we are doing in that context.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:22am

aww come on which one??? Gigolo or bom-chica-wow-wow ????


Told you Im happy you had a great weekend...you of all deserve it! I must say im noticing the bounce in your tone again...nice to hear it...sort of slipped away for a bit...


How about stud-puppy if you dont like gigolo???


:0p

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:58am

We did have sex already.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 11:18am

Point taken.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 11:25am

Thank you, Mark.


~s~

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 11:44am

Soonee, I always appreciate your thoughtful, reasoned and compassionate wisdom.


Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 12:37pm
Wow Mark sounds like you had a fantastic time.