Cute Widow weekend

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Cute Widow weekend
44
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 5:13pm

Ok the Cute Widow weekend is officially a success. Success because we really enjoyed each other, able to let each other know what bothered us about the other person in a way that was respectful and accepting. She offered to drive which I took her up on her offer for I hate to drive. Later I found out that her last relationship (first relationship since the death of her husband 3.5 yrs ago) that she always drove since her bf only had a motorcycle. So I kept offering to drive and expressed my appreciation for her driving us the 3 hr trip to the beach place. What I liked about her is her patience in not sweating the small stuff.

We only stayed overnight and drove back the next afternoon. I told her that I read about someone not wanting to marry their fiance until they had gone on a foreign country trip together for if they were able to negotiate and get along on a trip like that then they would be compatible for marriage. So even though it was only an overnighter to the next state over, I thought that was a good mini-test.

Saturday night we went to the (delayed) Summer Solstice party given by my 42 yr old friend Cynthia. I have been to her parties before and they go on until dawn (I never stay that late). My 60 yr old friend also showed up as well for she became friends with Cynthia after I introduced them (plus they are neighbors). I helped write Terry's Match.com profile. She wanted to lie about her age since she did not want old men for they are out of shape and in active (according to her). She is a fit, young looking 60.

Cute Widow and I had a great time and she really enjoyed my friends. CW brought her home brewed beer there (which was really good).

So it was funny when Terry and her bonded and CW told Terry I am “prickly” and not “warm and fuzzy.” Terry was surprised for her experience of me was not that way. I liked that they talked about me with me right there. I liked that CW was frank and forthright about her feelings and experience of me. Terry really liked her for she thought CW is intelligent unlike CNDG.

We parted today (Sunday) with the intent on seeing each other again. She is training for this bike event which is great since I getting back into bicycling. She has a couple of kayaks so we talked about enjoying the Blues Festival in the kayak (since the concerts are on the riverfront). I love falt water kayaking as well.

What also impressed me was her story on how she is not afraid of death anymore from her experience after her husband died suddenly of a heart attack. She believes she actually received communications from him after his death. Her husband use to bring her Moonstruck chocolate. She and her husband would debried and complain about her father after his visits. The father is this narcacisstic man who is self centered and not pleasant to be with. One month after her husband died, Cute Widow's father visited and it was particularly trying for her. When she was out back cleaning the BBQ, she found this Moonstruck chocolate by the grill where none was before, a sign from her dead husband, being there for her.

She does know that I am seeing other women off eHarmony. I have a couple in the pipeline which I plan to follow through with but after this weekend, I am more convinced that Cute Widow is someone I want to get to know more and spend more time with. CW cancelled her 3 month subscription today.

Another thing I like about her is that she told me that she will take of herself emotionally so I should not adjust my behavior in order to take care of her.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 1:10pm

Funny how my mood comes across here online.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 2:17pm
I am glad you are taking all of our responses in. And you are always so thoughtful and reflect on things.
I understand that she said she can take care of herself and that you dont need to edit your actions to take care of her. That is good but assuming she is doing that, she is still showing you some things here. Do you want to become more and more involved with someone who would have you stay over with her child present so early? I just have a bad feeling about that. And I guess it makes it better that you have already met the 13 year old but why did she introduce you so quickly? That would be a red flag to me too. I get the whole life is short thing and I live by that too at times but when it comes to the feelings and long term effect my actions can have on my kid, I dont live frivolously for fear of missing out on something. That to me is selfish immature behavior. And if I saw that in a man who was trying to get serious with me it would make me back away.
I am interested to hear more about your future insights on why it is you arent excited. To me perhaps this could be because fear is blocking the excitement from coming through. Not fear of a wonderful love relationship but fear that this is not the person you hope for.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 2:42pm

Devil on Mark's shoulder: The sex is so hot and you love it. Just stay in the moment!

Angel on Mark's shoulder: I have barely known her a week and she is hot after me, already off EH, introducing me to her DD, having sleepovers with DD - and whoa - how did I go HERE already? (here meaning oxytocin fest - 100% guaranteed to flip a guy out!)

;-D

The only good I can offer - is maybe she is so sweet and clueless about dating and she appreciates you compared to all the other guys her age and remembers dating the way it was versus now - I hope you can slow it down to do other things besides the bedroom so you make the mental connection first or she is going to flip you out and you will not want to see her anymore.

I do agree with the others that having you over when a 13 year old girl is present after one week of dating is way too much for me. But that is me.

- .02 from PP

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 3:08pm

"Success because we really enjoyed each other, able to let each other know what bothered us about the other person in a way that was respectful and accepting."

HUH????

Bothered each other? That's not good!

I'm wondering, Mark, if you're not as excited about this one because you're used to being the pursuer?




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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 4:05pm

Thanks all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 4:51pm
Yeah, Angels with hammers sometimes... but Angels just the same. ;-)

~shrimpy


It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 6:58pm

Do you know if CW has talked to her daughter about you spending the night in their home?


Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 1:42am

I talked w/CW tonight about the DD13 thing. She told her daughter and she did not care. CW's reasoning is that her previous one year relationship stayed over with her and it was not a big deal. I told her that I was not comfortable about it because we are still new, that her daughter is entering puberty, and it's just uncomfortable for me. CW did not want me to drive back after a late night Thu and then come back out the next morning for our kayaking excursion. Plus she said that if we are going to continue seeing each other then DD comes with the deal in that way and that the bedrooms are on separate floors.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 7:52am

Hi Mark,


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 8:27am

Sounds like she really would do this with any one she dates. May be she knows what she is doing. It is hard to judge without really knwoing/meeting someone. I am still very doubtful/worried about someone who is so casual about their kids safety/feelings.


I dont know what to tell you , Mark. But hopefully you have a gut feeling of if she is good for you. Did CNDG also have you stay over when her kids were around. I doubt it.. but why dont you find it alarming that CW is agreeing to let a man inside her house while her DD is around (especially when she knows you only few days). Is she so naive, casual, desperate.. or a combination of all.. Then