Cute Widow weekend

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Cute Widow weekend
44
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 5:13pm

Ok the Cute Widow weekend is officially a success. Success because we really enjoyed each other, able to let each other know what bothered us about the other person in a way that was respectful and accepting. She offered to drive which I took her up on her offer for I hate to drive. Later I found out that her last relationship (first relationship since the death of her husband 3.5 yrs ago) that she always drove since her bf only had a motorcycle. So I kept offering to drive and expressed my appreciation for her driving us the 3 hr trip to the beach place. What I liked about her is her patience in not sweating the small stuff.

We only stayed overnight and drove back the next afternoon. I told her that I read about someone not wanting to marry their fiance until they had gone on a foreign country trip together for if they were able to negotiate and get along on a trip like that then they would be compatible for marriage. So even though it was only an overnighter to the next state over, I thought that was a good mini-test.

Saturday night we went to the (delayed) Summer Solstice party given by my 42 yr old friend Cynthia. I have been to her parties before and they go on until dawn (I never stay that late). My 60 yr old friend also showed up as well for she became friends with Cynthia after I introduced them (plus they are neighbors). I helped write Terry's Match.com profile. She wanted to lie about her age since she did not want old men for they are out of shape and in active (according to her). She is a fit, young looking 60.

Cute Widow and I had a great time and she really enjoyed my friends. CW brought her home brewed beer there (which was really good).

So it was funny when Terry and her bonded and CW told Terry I am “prickly” and not “warm and fuzzy.” Terry was surprised for her experience of me was not that way. I liked that they talked about me with me right there. I liked that CW was frank and forthright about her feelings and experience of me. Terry really liked her for she thought CW is intelligent unlike CNDG.

We parted today (Sunday) with the intent on seeing each other again. She is training for this bike event which is great since I getting back into bicycling. She has a couple of kayaks so we talked about enjoying the Blues Festival in the kayak (since the concerts are on the riverfront). I love falt water kayaking as well.

What also impressed me was her story on how she is not afraid of death anymore from her experience after her husband died suddenly of a heart attack. She believes she actually received communications from him after his death. Her husband use to bring her Moonstruck chocolate. She and her husband would debried and complain about her father after his visits. The father is this narcacisstic man who is self centered and not pleasant to be with. One month after her husband died, Cute Widow's father visited and it was particularly trying for her. When she was out back cleaning the BBQ, she found this Moonstruck chocolate by the grill where none was before, a sign from her dead husband, being there for her.

She does know that I am seeing other women off eHarmony. I have a couple in the pipeline which I plan to follow through with but after this weekend, I am more convinced that Cute Widow is someone I want to get to know more and spend more time with. CW cancelled her 3 month subscription today.

Another thing I like about her is that she told me that she will take of herself emotionally so I should not adjust my behavior in order to take care of her.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 8:31am

Well, obviously she doesn't think anything of it then...


So what will the sleeping arrangements be? Sleeping in a guest bedroom (so you won't have to drive back & forth), or sleeping with CW in her bed (which would give DD a whole 'nother impression of her mother and you)?


I'm still with the ladies here who think it's bad to spend the night with DD there, after only a couple of weeks of dating/knowing each other. But you guys are adults and have obviously discussed it, so if you agree, then more power to you. I just hope there won't be any repercussions that come of it later. Role modeling and all that, for the DD13. I know she's paying attention.


I still think she is moving too quickly, and justifying it as "knowing herself" but is heading for a crash. It's just what I'm sensing only because I've BTDT myself. If it's meant to be and going to work out... it will still work out

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 9:43am

CW did not want me to drive back after a late night


This is one of the problems of an LDR.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 9:47am

Well, I can "see" her point from a logistical standpoint - she is being practical. But in a way I think this is like stepping over dollars to pick up dimes.

I don't know, Mark, what is YOUR feeling now on all of this? On one hand, I think that if she is a widow who was married for 23 years and has only dated one other person, you could have quite a catch, although a bit of a naive one. But maybe if you have deep reservations about real compatibility or the emotional connection you should slow it down and just do the day thing and not be there at night?

Shrimps is right - that when it goes too fast it has a higher risk of a bad crash and burn. Especially when we are older and have things like preferences, special interests, good experiences, bad experiences, emotional baggage from bad relationships, expectations from our head and from good relationships - it all makes for a more volatile situation. And with a 13 year old who has just lost her father a year ago - that part makes it more hard, too. This goes back to my earlier comment on "adaptations" - where slow can allow for more flexibility and more endearment and a stronger emotional base.

I see some real potential for how her style meshes with yours and how you have some good common interests. I guess that is why I want to see it work for you!!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 12:20pm

I appreciate all you that chimed in on what is going on between CW and myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 11:04pm

Mark,

I enjoyed reading that and am actually feeling better by reading it. I am happy for you as I know you are WELL deserving of a good relationship! Keep us posted.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 1:32pm

Mark,


I agree with Soonee. Be careful. Your cute widow is on the fast track big time. I was in a fast track relationship that ended horribly and we werent even as fast as you two are moving. Its a red flag.


I dont remember...are you her first since she lost her husband?


Be cautious. We only want the best for you.


Laurie

anonymous
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 1:41pm

Thanks Laurie.


Cute Widow is very down to earth, i.e. grounded and a good judge of character *grin*

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 1:50pm

Mark,


Another tough love lecture coming from Laurie, who really does care about you....


A 13 year old girl is not entering puberty. She is

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 2:01pm

Or the 13 year old can see it as a normal way adults behave and imitate her moms behavior by being a promiscuous teen.


Just for moms and dads of young girls these days, puberty comes on earlier than it did when we were young. Now a days puberty comes around age 10 or 11. Most girls by age 13 have already developed and have taken sex ed classes in school.


Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 2:44pm
ITA!! My daughter is 12 1/2. I have NEVER and WILL NEVER have a man spend the night while she is home. I am an example to my daughter and how credible would I be if I didn't walk the walk and just talked the talk??
Stephanie