"Cutting"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
"Cutting"
14
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:11pm

Please keep my 13 year old niece, Ashley, in your thoughts and prayers.

Ashley was taken to the E.R. yesterday after my sister walked into her room and discovered her sitting on her bed, cutting her stomach with a paring knife. She took her to the E.R. - and it required 14 stitches (7 of them internal and 7 surface). A physical exam exposed numerous scars and cuts all over her stomach and her left arm. Her room was searched last night and numerous letters and journal entries were discovered - she started cutting herself the day of Alex's birthday party - back in September. She is currently on suicide watch at the E.R., she has had a psych evaluation, and she is waiting for a bed to open up at the young adult mental health facility - which could take a week. They expect that she will be in the facility for one month, and then released on an "out patient" basis, meaning she will still go to school there, still attend counseling there, but she will be able to go home at night and on the weekends.

I got to the hospital last night at 6 and stayed until 3 in the morning (while my sister went home and showered and got some sleep) and I'm just drained. I'm hurting so bad that my niece is hurting so terribly that she would harm herself. I don't understand this "cutting" crap at all - but had conversations with 3 of the nurses on duty last night that they are seeing it more and more often.

So if you could keep her and the rest of my family in your prayers, I would really appreciate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:25pm
Sometimes it can be very difficult to understand somebody doing something that you yourself would never do. I have seen a movie about this and I think the jist of it is when someone is feeling so much pain inside, but they are trying to replace that with physical pain from hurting themselves because the physical pain is easier to deal with. But it also must be a deep rooted problem and it's hard to imagine a 13 year old being in that much pain. I will say a prayer for her and your family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:28pm

Mindy:

BIG HUGS TO YOU. I'm very sorry to hear about your niece, and I will definitely keep her and your family in my prayers.

I don't understand the "cutting" thing either, because I never did that, but I do understand teenage depression, because I think that's when my depression started. Thank God your sister found out about your niece and she can now get her some help. All you can do is be there for your sister and your niece and let them both know how much you love and support them. Best of luck to you and your family.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:28pm

Hugs, Min! I'm so sorry to hear about that.

I have heard about cutters. They feel so empty inside that they do this to feel SOMETHING. Anything, pain, whatever, is better than the emptiness they feel inside and it's sad because so many of these people have normal happy family lives. Something inside of them is just not right.

I hope she gets the help she needs and they can help her realize this is not the way to be. She may need meds and of course, lots of counseling, but mostly the love of her family will be the key.

My best to your family.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:37pm

Hugs


Cutting -- I know all about this as I did it as a teen as well...


I have scars remaining on my arms and wrists...


Being a teen girl is sooo hard - it was for me.


The cutting itself is terrible but what needs to be looked at is the ROOT of why she is dong this!!


Check with her school, her freinds, if there is a boy -- SOMETHING is causing her to do this.


For me I was being bullied at school...


I would be concerned about her going to school still...


Its great its being addressed ---but this girl is in so much pain and feels so alone and isolated and different she needs to be heard and is crying out for help.


AGAIN do not focus on the cutting- focus on the reason


Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:37pm

Min,


You and your family will continue being in my prayers. Big hugs to you girl. You must be EXHAUSTED. Hang in there. Wish I could help somehow, but I know prayers are what's most needed.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:00pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that Mary Beth. Thank you so much.

She will not be going back to "regular" school - she will be attending school at the facility for the rest of this school year - at least. The "outpatient" program - which will be mandatory for her - means she gets dropped off at 7 am and will be in school THERE - at the facility - and she'll have to attend daily group therapy and daily peer counseling and three times weekly individual counseling.

We know the roots of the problem (there are 3 main causes). We read all about them in her letters and journal entries.

It hurts me so bad, Mary Beth, that last night she told me that she feels all alone and like no one loves her. That just kills me. I feel like we've failed her terribly - that she doesn't know she is loved. That she doesn't know how precious she is. I think a familys' main job with a child is to protect them and nurture them - and it was painfully obvious last night that my entire family has failed VERY miserably at both.

I'm relieved it was caught when it was. The cutting has escalated (obviously, internal stitches) to the point that she is at a great risk of killing herself, even if that wasn't her intention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:09pm

You are such a great friend in Christ to me, Bec. Thanks for your prayers.

I am dead dog beat. Just beat. I was actually laying in the gurney in the room holding her all night, while she cried off and on and off and on. To see someone that you love so much having that kind of inner-turmoil, especially a CHILD, one that you cared for and raised for 6 years of her life - holy hell. Just when she would fall asleep - the police officer (yes, the police officer) would shine the flashlight through the window to check on her. And she would start crying again. And to add insult to injury, she started her period (not the first time) yesterday. She can't be left alone, and she has to be escorted by a nurse to the bathroom and watched while she changes her pad and takes care of herself. So beyond feeling like a total freak, she is being completely humiliated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:10pm

No one is a failure and thats what the family needs to recognize...my parents didnt fail me.


In alot of ways the school system failed me...by not addressing issues of bullying -- I have seen now this is

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:12pm
Min, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad she is finally getting some attention and the help she needs to resolve this. My prayers and well wishes are with you and your niece and her mom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:27pm
I know I dont post much but I do want to say that I know how your sister is feeling for I went through it with my daughter. Not sure why she start either but she was using bic safety razors and she had just started cutting herself when she got mad at a male friend and told him what she was doing. So she went to the counselor for a while. She is better and works on her anger management issues she has. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours at this hard time in life.

lisa j romesburg

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