Daddy's Little Cutie,..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Daddy's Little Cutie,..
5
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:15pm

So fine, they'll never see ya leavin' by the back door, man. Hot time, get it while it's easy, don't mind, come on up and see me, rag doll, baby won't you do me like you done before...

So, I have a question, but I guess I should give everyone some background first. I'm not sure if I posted here about K, it would have been June-July. He's a friend of a friend whom I met at his sister's wedding.

In the early summer, we had a couple of dates, but it was very obvious that he was more into me than I into him. I told him I thought we should just be friends, as I didn't want to lead him on, and at the time, I was casually dating, doing OLD, and interested in a couple of different guys. I was not looking to be in a relationship, and definitely not one with him.

A couple of reasons: K is 47, I'm 25, and the actual age difference isn't the problem, it's the fact that he's never been married or even in a committed relationship. He has no children, and doesn't understand what raising them is like. He was also fairly needy and clingy fairly quickly. I harbor no delusions of grandeur, and believe that it was simply because he has a self-esteem issue, hadn't dated in a long time, was flattered since I am younger than he is, and I helped him to "get over a hump", so to speak, in his dating world. I don't think he fell madly in love with me in the couple of weeks we spent time together.

Ok, that was all background info for my current dilemma. I hadn't seen him or spoken to him in months, when I ran into him while he was DJing at a local bar. I was out with our mutual friends, who I know much better than he does. This was about three weeks ago, and I played it light, said hello, made obligatory small talk, but kept the conversation light and friendly. He bought the three of us drinks all evening, and finally I told him he really didn't have to do that, although I appreciated the gesture. End of the evening, no big deal, I left with my friends, he stayed and continued to work.

I know that he asks my friends about me, but I try to play it cool. I know I'm not really attracted to him, the other issues are still there, and while he's an extremely nice guy, he simply isn't the right one for me.

Then, last night, my friend calls me up and says that K dropped off a Christmas card for me. He took it to her house, made it fairly clear to her that there was a gift of money inside, and left. Now, it's completely out of the blue, unexpected, and unwanted. Not that I'm trying to be ungrateful, but it's just odd.

I haven't picked the card up from her house yet, so I don't know how much money is in it, but I'm leaning toward calling him when I do, and thinking him, but telling him that I can't accept a gift like that from him. We aren't dating, we really aren't friends, mor elike passing aquaintances who happen to know some of the same people. I feel like accepting the gift would be wrong. However, I also don't want to be petty and childish about it.

What do you think? Is there a certain amount of money you'd take from an old date as a gift, or would you return anything, or would you keep anything, with thanks? We were never serious, never a couple, and the "break up" was very simple. Too simple.

Thanks!

Moody- in a quandary


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:46pm
I think I would be inclined to tell my friend to give it back to him. If she doesn't mind of course. If not, you could mail it back with a nice note saying you can't accept such a gift. Do what is easy for you. I agree he is not a match. I was struggling to read to the end and not respond NO NO NO when I saw the age difference plus the 47 and never married thing. But then I realized that was not the issue!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 2:13pm

He wants to "win" you over with the gift. Anything other than rushing into his arms, will disappoint him.

I know this because I know an old bachelor who always gets inappropriate gifts for women. Each and every time, he's trying to get the girl.

However, do not feel toooo bad for him. He has other fish on the line. 25, 35, 45, or 55, he doesn't care. He'll take the woman who is willing to date him/sleep with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:23pm

Fivesense and Judy, thank you. I agree with you both. I also have another small dilemma, which I am sure will resolve itself.
K and I have both been invited to my very good friend's Christmas party this Saturday. I know he'll go, and I can't very well not simply because I expect that he'll be there. So, I was thinking I will have already returned the gift by then, and if/when he approaches me, I'm not sure how to handle it.
I thought I had hit on the perfect thing- come with a date! I even went so far as to ask Double D what he was doing Saturday night. I'm more disappointed than I thought I would be that he has plans, but he was extremely easygoing about it.
I had been talking with another coworker about the whole gift situation, and had jokingly said to the coworker that I needed to find a rent-a-date for the evening. At that moment, Double D walked into the room, and got involved in our conversation. So, I casually said "What're you doing Saturday night?" His reply was "After work I have to go look at a new car, why?" He had heard part of our conversation, so I explained that I had a party to go to that I'd rather not attend alone.
I didn't want him to think I wouldn't want to be with him for any other reason, and in fact, I would have. But I didn't want him to think I was just using him to ward off unwanted attention and that I didn't want to be with him simply for his company, because I very much do. Perhaps this unwanted gift is a blessing in disguise, as it gave me the courage to approach Double D- I've never asked a guy out, even casually, or half-jokingly. He asked where the party was, and said he'd love to go, but the car he was going to buy was several hours away, so it probably wouldn't work out. Too bad, but I do know now he's single, and from his reply and casual attitude about it, probably wouldn't mind seeing me outside of work, in a date-like situation.
The next move will be up to him, but he knows for sure now that I'm available, and we have been having more conversations about things not pertaining to work lately. All in good time.
Whether Double D attends the party with me or not, my interest in him is a valid, non hurtful reason for me to not be interested and not able to accept the gift from K. It's honest, but it's about me, which means I don't have to spell out for K the reasons why I don't want to be involved with him, which would be there whether I were interested in someone else or not. It's a handy excuse, but as it's the truth, I think it's perfectly acceptable for me to use it.
Ladies? Opinions, advice?

Moody- still wheeling from the fact that she asked someone out, sorta


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:17pm
Go and enjoy yourself and put/keep K in his place. Do not feel sorry for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 1:31am

Or, the other thing you could do is take the money and donate it... and give him the "receipt" as a gift- "thanks for the money, I made a contribution in your name..."


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