dance recital and OW
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dance recital and OW
| Sun, 06-15-2008 - 7:11pm |
So today D4 had her big dance recital. Of course X was late, but at least he showed up with D4 in plenty of time for me to get her ready- costume, hair and make-up. But of course he did not buy tickets ahead of time as I forewarned him he would need to, they were sold out. Apparently he was able to scrape together some tickets from other parents who had some extras. I had initially offered mine seeing as it looked like it would only be X and S17 and I saw the Thurs performance. Then I find out from D4, that her grandparents and OW are also coming. Then X sends S17 to take me up on using my ticket, uh no, not for OW, who as far as I'm concerned should not even be there.
D4 did well, had a ton of fun, and when I went out at intermission to get her changed back into her street clothes, there is her father and OW outside in the 100+ heat with D4, still in costume, make-up, and with her backpack which has my cell phone, make-up, a book I just started reading and another change of clothes for D4.I insist he give her back to me and the back pack. He makes a fuss and tells me I can trust him to give the backpack and costume back. Uh- no, I can't.Think I've learned that on the hard way.
While helping D4 change she tells me she has a play date set up with P, a little girl from her school. OW set it up. What!? So is it me, or would it bug anyone else if the person who deliberately targeted your marriage for destruction- never mind I'm better off without PsychoBoy, it is the principle of the thing- is playing mom for your 4 yr old.? It is not like OW and this other mom knew each other prior to P's Bday party, held on X's weekend. Ideas please on letting go of this. I'm not insecure in my relationship with my daughter, it is OW's attitude that she has replaced me in every way, including as my child's parent. They are not married so she is just the GF.
QB
D4 did well, had a ton of fun, and when I went out at intermission to get her changed back into her street clothes, there is her father and OW outside in the 100+ heat with D4, still in costume, make-up, and with her backpack which has my cell phone, make-up, a book I just started reading and another change of clothes for D4.I insist he give her back to me and the back pack. He makes a fuss and tells me I can trust him to give the backpack and costume back. Uh- no, I can't.Think I've learned that on the hard way.
While helping D4 change she tells me she has a play date set up with P, a little girl from her school. OW set it up. What!? So is it me, or would it bug anyone else if the person who deliberately targeted your marriage for destruction- never mind I'm better off without PsychoBoy, it is the principle of the thing- is playing mom for your 4 yr old.? It is not like OW and this other mom knew each other prior to P's Bday party, held on X's weekend. Ideas please on letting go of this. I'm not insecure in my relationship with my daughter, it is OW's attitude that she has replaced me in every way, including as my child's parent. They are not married so she is just the GF.
QB

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Awwww- the girls look so adorable!!!
I'm sorry that OW is stepping on your toes, she's obviously not thinking about the boundaries (ha! when DID she?) and will continue to do as she pleases without regard to your plans or your feelings.
Look at thos lovely girls.
about OW, I would be very furious too. I would say stop this now. Especially with a girl, you dont want some one else (like OW) having any control on deciding where she goes, plays, sleep overs in future. If it is a day that DD is supposed to be with Ex, tell them that you can have her back if they have other plans.. Make it very clear that you wont let DD go and do anything that you dont approve of or out side your trust circle..Even if they were married, some how I dont think this is her job.. she is stepping on your toes. May be you can tell DD that next time she suggests something, she should say that "I will ask mom if she likes it".. If that becomes a practise , OW may not attempt too much of such drama in future.. Too bad DD is too young y explain a lot of things..but you can make her understand that you are the one ultimately resonsible to decide where she goes and what she does.
THAT picture is just the bomb - those outfits are so pristine and the little girls, especially YOURS of course, are too sweet!!!!!!!!! How cute!!
Okay. Let me understand this right. Did OW make a play date for X's weekend? or for when you have DD4?
If it is for X's weekend, no bother - at least they are doing something fun for DD4. But if the playdate is for the weekend when you have DD4 - just ignore it and don't go because there is no way I would let anyone make plans for me, much less the OW!!
Look at it this way. OW is probably trying to do her best to make herself look useful and be a part of the team. Which means she is trying to impress your exh - and she does not see or get what a jerk he is. But you just know she will in time. One day she will have a worse monster on her hands than you do - and you are going to have the last laugh. Promise. It just won't be tomorrow.
I read the thread about the babysitter and his last blow up - and I am sorry for you - he is truly over the top with his inability to do anything but think of his own narcissistic self. His actions towards his children, and their feelings for him, are a true measure of it. You are so much better off without him in your life, and although this is one storm, I do believe you have done a lot to understand the problem and manage it as best as you can. I also agree with your last post that you will not bend the days or plans because that does not work for you or the kids or the babysitter for that matter.
It seems to me that he goes through life like a storm with no prior plans or communications and expects everyone to take orders or turn themselves upside down to accommodate his lack of empathy and prior planning.
Yes, all that cotton candy pink! And the contrast between D4's sweet number and the teen hip hop bump and grind before it- Whoa!
It would be nice if it were possible to even speak to OW. I can't, I won't. She is evil, truly evil. PsychoBoy deserves her but my kids do not. I assume the playdate is for his time, it is just the audacity that OW will have my daughter and go with her, probably w/out my X. OW knows exactly how I feel about her having contact with my children, she does not care. Just like she was thrilled to rub my face in her affair W/PB, she'll make sure I know she is now taking custody of my daughter, and there isn't anything I can do about it.
QB
"Look at it this way. OW is probably trying to do her best to make herself look useful and be a part of the team."
NOT! OW is pretty much a female version of PsychoBoy, only more manipulative and less volatile. Her motivation for this playdate is likely to make inroads into my social circle, remember, social climbing sl$t. She wants to be a Foothills insider, but X moved to the lower Foothills, not in the school district. Not a lot of opportunities for OW, especially since I've been really involved in not only the schools, but also all the big charities.
Anyway, I realize what is bothering me most is that X knows how I feel about OW having any one on one time w/D4 and this is his revenge for the whole babysitter drama. This way he figures he gets around the problem that I could just come and take D4 home when he leaves her with OW. If he personally is not with her, I get the choice of having her back. He knows I wouldn't deprive D4 of a playdate, even if it is with OW as her chaperone. At least D4 will be focused on P, not OW. OW will be busy scheming how to best use P's mom for her own interests.
QB
QB - That picture is absolutely adorable!
It would bother me - a lot! - to have OW chose my child's play mates.
Thanks for your support. Yes, we have the same 3rd party clause. However, Psychoboy rarely lets me know about when he's not going to be available. I do give him the right of 1st refusal, which is why the whole mess with my babysitter a couple weeks ago was so over the top. He had clearly stated he was not available, I specifically try to take classes that are on the days he has D4 so she isn't with a sitter and so when he asked me to switch days I had to incur the expense of the sitter. Then he turns around and shows up claiming he never asked to switch days (I now have the police report on that episode, what a doozy read that is) and takes it out on the sitter. Then he sends me an e-mail bringing up the 3rd party clause, uhhhhhh, no kidding.I replied it goes for him too. I always find out about OW having my D4 after the fact. He knows I'd come get her if I found out, or ran into them somewhere.
And get this, OW is specifically named as being forbidden to provide transportation for my children in our decree. I also have her listed as the one person forbidden to pick up my daughter from school. Still her father does not get it, or rather he does, it is the only way he is guaranteed to get under my skin.
I guess that is how I should look at it. They are just trying to piss me off, so I just have to put a positive spin on it, D4 gets to have an extra play date, she's not hanging out with OW, she's with P.
Of course, there's always fighting fire with fire, I do have plans for a pool party with her dance buddies. Her 2 best buddies from dance also coincidentally have single moms so it is fun for all of us. And she starts school again tomorrow, with a mostly new group of kids, kids she'll attend school with all next year and some who will continue on to Kindergarten with her. I'll just have to be more pro-active on her social life. Then any activity w/OW won't be all that important to D4.
QB
"Do you know the playmate's Mom? Can you do an 'end run' around OW?"
I thought of that but no, I don't know P's mom well at all. She is Hispanic and not confident with English. OW is also Hispanic, there is the connection for P's mom with OW. D4 did not play w/P all that much during the school year, she was closer to a couple other girls and 3 boys, mostly the 3 boys. Their moms and I know one another now, but the Hispanic mom's are kind of cliquey so I don't now any of that group well.
If her father were the one involved, no problem. It is OW crossing boundaries most people won't that is the problem.
Thanks for chiming in, at least I feel better that I'm not just being over-protective and a bi3#h. Normal reaction for a very normal mom.
QB
I would say for sure that the OW is trying to get at you. It is pretty ballsy in my opinion for her to set up a playdate for her like she is HER child so that she can get "in" with the other parents knowing she caused what she did in your family. Where is the contrition here? Also, similar to my case when I find out my DS has spent a day with his stepmom and no Dad in sight. wth? Why cant they spend their time with their kids WITH the kids? I dont get that and scheduling a playdate just takes that time away from time she should be spending with her father, right? Unless he is there of course but it doesnt sound like he is....am I missing something?
I know your daughter will love the playdate but it isnt like she doesnt get playdates I'm sure at other times and this wont be the last one! I might cause a stink but the fallout with your ex seems potentially to be not worth it. In the third party clause it would seem that you could schedule something for her yourself and just go get her since she is not an approved third party even for transportation - but again that might not be worth the push considering the last post I read about your ex. I really feel for you - I would be just as upset as you are.....
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