dance recital and OW

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
dance recital and OW
24
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 7:11pm
So today D4 had her big dance recital. Of course X was late, but at least he showed up with D4 in plenty of time for me to get her ready- costume, hair and make-up. But of course he did not buy tickets ahead of time as I forewarned him he would need to, they were sold out. Apparently he was able to scrape together some tickets from other parents who had some extras. I had initially offered mine seeing as it looked like it would only be X and S17 and I saw the Thurs performance. Then I find out from D4, that her grandparents and OW are also coming. Then X sends S17 to take me up on using my ticket, uh no, not for OW, who as far as I'm concerned should not even be there.
D4 did well, had a ton of fun, and when I went out at intermission to get her changed back into her street clothes, there is her father and OW outside in the 100+ heat with D4, still in costume, make-up, and with her backpack which has my cell phone, make-up, a book I just started reading and another change of clothes for D4.I insist he give her back to me and the back pack. He makes a fuss and tells me I can trust him to give the backpack and costume back. Uh- no, I can't.Think I've learned that on the hard way.
While helping D4 change she tells me she has a play date set up with P, a little girl from her school. OW set it up. What!? So is it me, or would it bug anyone else if the person who deliberately targeted your marriage for destruction- never mind I'm better off without PsychoBoy, it is the principle of the thing- is playing mom for your 4 yr old.? It is not like OW and this other mom knew each other prior to P's Bday party, held on X's weekend. Ideas please on letting go of this. I'm not insecure in my relationship with my daughter, it is OW's attitude that she has replaced me in every way, including as my child's parent. They are not married so she is just the GF.
QB
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 11:18pm

We all wish we could have control over what happens in our kids lives, but alas, we do not get that control when we're divorced. But as D4 gets older, yes, I suppose she can voice the opinion that Mom needs to know, too. I really feel for those who have teens that use the divorce, and lack of communication that can exist between their parents, as an opportunity to run amok.
Thanks for chiming in

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 11:28pm

Wow - I see. Those two really go out of their way to upset the applecart.

It sounds to me like you have the upper hand socially - for many reasons. It also sounds like OW will stick to the hispanic crowd for now? I guess if you know that DD4 is having fun you can let it slide - but you might be careful she does not get carried away with it and you can invoke the 3rd party rule if necessary?

I would wonder if many of the moms would be less inclined to accept her because of what she has done? Do most of your friends know of her and shun her?

Soonee does make a very good point about safety - and for a DD4 - that is important - I had not thought of that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 12:07am

Damn! It all SUCKS. Im so sorry. This OW thing is horrible.


I have a few comments, & some based on BEING the child in the situation - as my dad married OW & it just killed my mom, for years - she let it get to her forever.


So .... i do NOT recommend the idea of having dd say something to OW about "i will see what my mom tinks" or whatever. Thats putting dd in the middle.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 10:44am

Thanks Rlch, for the kid side perspective. I do see that S17 tells me what he thinks I want to hear, but he also truly does not like OW.He has learned to be really careful around her and his dad, to not set them off. The no transportation clause in in the decree because he demanded it be there through his counselor. But PB and OW ignore that clause, the decree is to control only me, rules do not apply to them. And it is true, the decree is only a record of what we agreed to, the only aspects that can be enforced are physical custody and child support.

I have been very careful to not be negative in front of D4. I do realize she has to live with this situation for the rest of her life. But I also have to make sure she grows up a bit wary of this person, for her own safety. I don't want D4 thinking OW's values and ideas are at all OK.

I am really trying to just let this go, because if I allow them to keep me out of balance, they have the upper hand, and my kids need me to be stable. I did not sleep at all last night, in spite of an evening w/M. With time, if I don't outwardly react, they'll get bored.

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 11:08am

QueenB...I dont have anything to say but just send hugs...im in the same boat with you. Im sorry....I know how much it truly sucks...hang in there


The picture is absolutely precious and i cant wait to put DD in dance. Chin up...as Rebecca said you will always be mommy..no matter what or who is in the picture!!!! Mommys Rule Supreme and trumps anything else!!!!!!!


M

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 12:04pm

(((((hugs)))) QB - this just sucks...it really does.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 12:12pm

Well, there is certainly the component of OW

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 1:23pm

"With time, if I don't outwardly react, they'll get bored."

I agree and believe this is your best defense. I am sorry for you that they have upset you so so so much - you have every right to feel the way you do and you have handled everything so good. I guess you have to have faith that if you have come this far you will keep on doing everything right as far as you and the kids are concerned.

I think Soonee is right - it is only a matter of time before PB and OW cheat on one of themselves!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 1:29pm

Hugs, Queen!


I agree with Soonee and West and everyone else too, they already gave you some great feedback. I'll just send you hugs and say that I can totally understand your feelings on this. I know I would feel exactly the same way. And this on the heels of the cops situation recently...I'd be upset too.


The girls in the picture look precious!!! My dd had a recital too, and we took a video of it. Priceless memories!

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 1:40pm

First of all, I'll say it again - your daughter is GORGEOUS!