A date but not a date
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A date but not a date
| Fri, 12-07-2007 - 4:41pm |
A date?
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I wanted to share my “date” which was not intended to be a date. I view dating as an activity with romantic intent (and usually involves me paying for the activity) otherwise it���s getting together to have fun/hanging out. Just because it is with the opposite sex (assuming both are heterosexual) does not mean we are dating in my definition. Of course that’s MY definition and all the women I have been with may have thought differently.-->-->
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Anyway I met this woman at a MeetInPortland mingler with her friend. I was not attracted to her or had any intentions of getting to know her. She was explicit in letting me know that she was not looking for a relationship or to date which was fine for I was not interested in either with her. However I enjoyed talking with her and asked to go out with her so we can continue to know each other for we shared a common interest and a similar spiritual path. Last night was that time we met again. -->-->
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Before our meeting we talked on the phone and shared our lives more and found that we have a deeper shared set of interests and values and outlook to life. I enjoyed this. I have such resonance and shared set of core values with all my existing friends and that is why they are my friends (male and female).-->-->
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Funny thing after spending that time with Cute Newly Divorced Gal, I am now attracted to her. This is disturbing since she is not “available” because of her newly divorced, single mom status (two girls 12 & 13 – me I have a 14 yo girl & 18 yo son at college), because of her geographical distance (45 plus minutes if there is no traffic), and that she is not my physical type (I prefer someone more slender since I’ve worked so hard to get there myself). -->-->
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Plus she is more interested in intellectual connection where I am so done with that (being an engineer with a father and two brothers who are also these left brained logical engineer types and an ex-wife where the only intimacy we shared was intellectual). I am seeking a partner who is more in touch with her senses, emotions, and sexuality (since I have not had that in my life).-->-->
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I would rather put my energies in someone where there would be a stronger possibility of life partnership or at least a more physical intimacy.-->-->
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Strange that we “found” each other like that and have such “complementary” or opposite goals in what we are seeking. As we have said with each other, no expectations or attachment to any outcomes is how we both want to live our lives. We are meeting again this weekend to walk our dogs and maybe dinner afterwards. -->-->
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So with all these reasons on how this is not a fit then how come I am so excited? This is a puzzler since I have met many other great women whom I have shared deeply with and who are attractive but were not “The One” either. Plus being the introvert that I am, it is easier to stay at home by myself and/or go to the gym than to go out once again with someone that is not partner material.
Anyway I'm going and going to enjoy the weekend.
Edited 12/22/2007 9:24 pm ET by mhash
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I wanted to share my “date” which was not intended to be a date. I view dating as an activity with romantic intent (and usually involves me paying for the activity) otherwise it���s getting together to have fun/hanging out. Just because it is with the opposite sex (assuming both are heterosexual) does not mean we are dating in my definition. Of course that’s MY definition and all the women I have been with may have thought differently.-->-->
--> -->
Anyway I met this woman at a MeetInPortland mingler with her friend. I was not attracted to her or had any intentions of getting to know her. She was explicit in letting me know that she was not looking for a relationship or to date which was fine for I was not interested in either with her. However I enjoyed talking with her and asked to go out with her so we can continue to know each other for we shared a common interest and a similar spiritual path. Last night was that time we met again. -->-->
--> -->
Before our meeting we talked on the phone and shared our lives more and found that we have a deeper shared set of interests and values and outlook to life. I enjoyed this. I have such resonance and shared set of core values with all my existing friends and that is why they are my friends (male and female).-->-->
--> -->
Funny thing after spending that time with Cute Newly Divorced Gal, I am now attracted to her. This is disturbing since she is not “available” because of her newly divorced, single mom status (two girls 12 & 13 – me I have a 14 yo girl & 18 yo son at college), because of her geographical distance (45 plus minutes if there is no traffic), and that she is not my physical type (I prefer someone more slender since I’ve worked so hard to get there myself). -->-->
--> -->
Plus she is more interested in intellectual connection where I am so done with that (being an engineer with a father and two brothers who are also these left brained logical engineer types and an ex-wife where the only intimacy we shared was intellectual). I am seeking a partner who is more in touch with her senses, emotions, and sexuality (since I have not had that in my life).-->-->
--> -->
I would rather put my energies in someone where there would be a stronger possibility of life partnership or at least a more physical intimacy.-->-->
--> -->
Strange that we “found” each other like that and have such “complementary” or opposite goals in what we are seeking. As we have said with each other, no expectations or attachment to any outcomes is how we both want to live our lives. We are meeting again this weekend to walk our dogs and maybe dinner afterwards. -->-->
--> -->
So with all these reasons on how this is not a fit then how come I am so excited? This is a puzzler since I have met many other great women whom I have shared deeply with and who are attractive but were not “The One” either. Plus being the introvert that I am, it is easier to stay at home by myself and/or go to the gym than to go out once again with someone that is not partner material.
Anyway I'm going and going to enjoy the weekend.
Edited 12/22/2007 9:24 pm ET by mhash

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Lol Mark- she sure sounds fun!
Sounds like you're going to have fun as well!
Stephanie
Stephanie
There is nothing in your description, save the newly divorced part, that really sounds like a deal breaker. And sometimes when we are not looking we find one. And 45 minutes is not that far. And it sounds like you like her :-P
So for now have fun and see if you two are more interested in each other. At the very least it is a nice friend, right?
OH - and the most important part - keep us posted!!
I want to know what happened, too!!
I find it interesting though- how the physical aspects of a person can surprisingly become a 'non-issue' if the connections with other areas are strong enough. Sometimes what you want "on paper" just doesn't match up exactly with that really happens! But yet it still works! So you never know...
And the fact that you two are continuing to see each other even when you've said you are not looking for a relationship there... tells me that at the very least, I hope you end up with a great friend with all this "dating". And finding a new great friend... is actually not "least" in any way! It's a prize!
So spill it, Mark!!!! How did it go?
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Ummm sure... open minded that's me. After dating for 7 years since my divorce, been in several serious relationships, gone thru online dating with logical criteria, met women through friends, in line at the theater, and other places, I trust my instincts and intuition and experience so I am fairly certain that this is not something that is a long term, romantic thing. As I said, I am somewhat fatigued about creating another gal pal/woman friend.
With that said, it's funny that I felt chemistry being created after sitting down with her and just talking with her at the restaurant but not when I first met her. So as long as I have the time and energy (and visa versa) then I'll see her for I enjoy her company.
My concern is that with that chemistry thing with me I would rather NOT act on it with someone I am pretty sure is not a romantic possibility. FWB is not something I want to create though it would be nice to have that physical/sexual intimacy in my life.
Will keep you all updated.
Mark
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