A date but not a date
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A date but not a date
| Fri, 12-07-2007 - 4:41pm |
A date?
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I wanted to share my “date” which was not intended to be a date. I view dating as an activity with romantic intent (and usually involves me paying for the activity) otherwise it���s getting together to have fun/hanging out. Just because it is with the opposite sex (assuming both are heterosexual) does not mean we are dating in my definition. Of course that’s MY definition and all the women I have been with may have thought differently.-->-->
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Anyway I met this woman at a MeetInPortland mingler with her friend. I was not attracted to her or had any intentions of getting to know her. She was explicit in letting me know that she was not looking for a relationship or to date which was fine for I was not interested in either with her. However I enjoyed talking with her and asked to go out with her so we can continue to know each other for we shared a common interest and a similar spiritual path. Last night was that time we met again. -->-->
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Before our meeting we talked on the phone and shared our lives more and found that we have a deeper shared set of interests and values and outlook to life. I enjoyed this. I have such resonance and shared set of core values with all my existing friends and that is why they are my friends (male and female).-->-->
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Funny thing after spending that time with Cute Newly Divorced Gal, I am now attracted to her. This is disturbing since she is not “available” because of her newly divorced, single mom status (two girls 12 & 13 – me I have a 14 yo girl & 18 yo son at college), because of her geographical distance (45 plus minutes if there is no traffic), and that she is not my physical type (I prefer someone more slender since I’ve worked so hard to get there myself). -->-->
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Plus she is more interested in intellectual connection where I am so done with that (being an engineer with a father and two brothers who are also these left brained logical engineer types and an ex-wife where the only intimacy we shared was intellectual). I am seeking a partner who is more in touch with her senses, emotions, and sexuality (since I have not had that in my life).-->-->
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I would rather put my energies in someone where there would be a stronger possibility of life partnership or at least a more physical intimacy.-->-->
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Strange that we “found” each other like that and have such “complementary” or opposite goals in what we are seeking. As we have said with each other, no expectations or attachment to any outcomes is how we both want to live our lives. We are meeting again this weekend to walk our dogs and maybe dinner afterwards. -->-->
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So with all these reasons on how this is not a fit then how come I am so excited? This is a puzzler since I have met many other great women whom I have shared deeply with and who are attractive but were not “The One” either. Plus being the introvert that I am, it is easier to stay at home by myself and/or go to the gym than to go out once again with someone that is not partner material.
Anyway I'm going and going to enjoy the weekend.
Edited 12/22/2007 9:24 pm ET by mhash
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I wanted to share my “date” which was not intended to be a date. I view dating as an activity with romantic intent (and usually involves me paying for the activity) otherwise it���s getting together to have fun/hanging out. Just because it is with the opposite sex (assuming both are heterosexual) does not mean we are dating in my definition. Of course that’s MY definition and all the women I have been with may have thought differently.-->-->
--> -->
Anyway I met this woman at a MeetInPortland mingler with her friend. I was not attracted to her or had any intentions of getting to know her. She was explicit in letting me know that she was not looking for a relationship or to date which was fine for I was not interested in either with her. However I enjoyed talking with her and asked to go out with her so we can continue to know each other for we shared a common interest and a similar spiritual path. Last night was that time we met again. -->-->
--> -->
Before our meeting we talked on the phone and shared our lives more and found that we have a deeper shared set of interests and values and outlook to life. I enjoyed this. I have such resonance and shared set of core values with all my existing friends and that is why they are my friends (male and female).-->-->
--> -->
Funny thing after spending that time with Cute Newly Divorced Gal, I am now attracted to her. This is disturbing since she is not “available” because of her newly divorced, single mom status (two girls 12 & 13 – me I have a 14 yo girl & 18 yo son at college), because of her geographical distance (45 plus minutes if there is no traffic), and that she is not my physical type (I prefer someone more slender since I’ve worked so hard to get there myself). -->-->
--> -->
Plus she is more interested in intellectual connection where I am so done with that (being an engineer with a father and two brothers who are also these left brained logical engineer types and an ex-wife where the only intimacy we shared was intellectual). I am seeking a partner who is more in touch with her senses, emotions, and sexuality (since I have not had that in my life).-->-->
--> -->
I would rather put my energies in someone where there would be a stronger possibility of life partnership or at least a more physical intimacy.-->-->
--> -->
Strange that we “found” each other like that and have such “complementary” or opposite goals in what we are seeking. As we have said with each other, no expectations or attachment to any outcomes is how we both want to live our lives. We are meeting again this weekend to walk our dogs and maybe dinner afterwards. -->-->
--> -->
So with all these reasons on how this is not a fit then how come I am so excited? This is a puzzler since I have met many other great women whom I have shared deeply with and who are attractive but were not “The One” either. Plus being the introvert that I am, it is easier to stay at home by myself and/or go to the gym than to go out once again with someone that is not partner material.
Anyway I'm going and going to enjoy the weekend.
Edited 12/22/2007 9:24 pm ET by mhash

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There are the logical criteria and there is knowing what is right in the soul and in the heart at the moment.
Thanks for your views soonee.
Thanks for your thoughtful views.
Yes, even though she is "chuncky," the more I get to experience her, the sexier she gets.
FIVE hours? Wowza!
Wont go into TOO much detail here Mark, but from someone who's had many ... many sexual partners in her lifetime (too many! lol), not until I met Carlos at age 38, did my "real" self, sexually & sensually, emerge. Mostly b/c i trusted him -- for the 1st time in my life it was somoeone i could completely open up to in that way & trust implicitly. But it took time for him to teach me that, & me to learn it.
..... & now? EVERYONE benefits. KIDDING!
I agree with you. We both agreed to be in the Now, let go of expectations, and enjoy/learn from our experience with each other. Such a relief to be able to be on the same page with her on this.
I AM smittened now. As I said in another post, the more I know her, the sexier she becomes. And like you with Carlos, CNDG tells me how comfortable she is with me and that she trusts me. I think that was what brought out her sexual self on our second and third dates.
Insofar as how long being separated? I'm not sure but I am fairly certain it was not long at all. See my other post on my friend who proposed to his (second) wife when she was still in her 20 plus year marriage (but separated).
We also both recognize the hazy gauze of new passion that blinds us and when that clears then reality sets in with. My sense is that even once we open our eyes to our respective warts and hot buttons that we will be able to work on them, accept them, and still be good friends.
I do want to call her every day. I did not mention that since we first met that we have talked on the phone a minimum of an hour, even before our first date. In fact I think that was the reason why she agreed to see me because of how well we flowed and shared. So in addition to the 4 hr first date, 7 hr second and third dates, we have had around 7 hrs of phone conversation in between.
After the last date, I am totally relaxed into this budding relationship and am eager for more.
Mark
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May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Edited 12/15/2007 2:54 am ET by mhash
From your very first post I honestly thought, this man's going to blow her off! I'm so glad that you are exploring this. It sounds that both of you have your eyes open and are being mature about the whole situation.
I'm very happy for you.
MARK!!!!!!!
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