A date but not a date
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A date but not a date
| Fri, 12-07-2007 - 4:41pm |
A date?
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I wanted to share my “date” which was not intended to be a date. I view dating as an activity with romantic intent (and usually involves me paying for the activity) otherwise it���s getting together to have fun/hanging out. Just because it is with the opposite sex (assuming both are heterosexual) does not mean we are dating in my definition. Of course that’s MY definition and all the women I have been with may have thought differently.-->-->
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Anyway I met this woman at a MeetInPortland mingler with her friend. I was not attracted to her or had any intentions of getting to know her. She was explicit in letting me know that she was not looking for a relationship or to date which was fine for I was not interested in either with her. However I enjoyed talking with her and asked to go out with her so we can continue to know each other for we shared a common interest and a similar spiritual path. Last night was that time we met again. -->-->
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Before our meeting we talked on the phone and shared our lives more and found that we have a deeper shared set of interests and values and outlook to life. I enjoyed this. I have such resonance and shared set of core values with all my existing friends and that is why they are my friends (male and female).-->-->
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Funny thing after spending that time with Cute Newly Divorced Gal, I am now attracted to her. This is disturbing since she is not “available” because of her newly divorced, single mom status (two girls 12 & 13 – me I have a 14 yo girl & 18 yo son at college), because of her geographical distance (45 plus minutes if there is no traffic), and that she is not my physical type (I prefer someone more slender since I’ve worked so hard to get there myself). -->-->
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Plus she is more interested in intellectual connection where I am so done with that (being an engineer with a father and two brothers who are also these left brained logical engineer types and an ex-wife where the only intimacy we shared was intellectual). I am seeking a partner who is more in touch with her senses, emotions, and sexuality (since I have not had that in my life).-->-->
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I would rather put my energies in someone where there would be a stronger possibility of life partnership or at least a more physical intimacy.-->-->
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Strange that we “found” each other like that and have such “complementary” or opposite goals in what we are seeking. As we have said with each other, no expectations or attachment to any outcomes is how we both want to live our lives. We are meeting again this weekend to walk our dogs and maybe dinner afterwards. -->-->
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So with all these reasons on how this is not a fit then how come I am so excited? This is a puzzler since I have met many other great women whom I have shared deeply with and who are attractive but were not “The One” either. Plus being the introvert that I am, it is easier to stay at home by myself and/or go to the gym than to go out once again with someone that is not partner material.
Anyway I'm going and going to enjoy the weekend.
Edited 12/22/2007 9:24 pm ET by mhash
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I wanted to share my “date” which was not intended to be a date. I view dating as an activity with romantic intent (and usually involves me paying for the activity) otherwise it���s getting together to have fun/hanging out. Just because it is with the opposite sex (assuming both are heterosexual) does not mean we are dating in my definition. Of course that’s MY definition and all the women I have been with may have thought differently.-->-->
--> -->
Anyway I met this woman at a MeetInPortland mingler with her friend. I was not attracted to her or had any intentions of getting to know her. She was explicit in letting me know that she was not looking for a relationship or to date which was fine for I was not interested in either with her. However I enjoyed talking with her and asked to go out with her so we can continue to know each other for we shared a common interest and a similar spiritual path. Last night was that time we met again. -->-->
--> -->
Before our meeting we talked on the phone and shared our lives more and found that we have a deeper shared set of interests and values and outlook to life. I enjoyed this. I have such resonance and shared set of core values with all my existing friends and that is why they are my friends (male and female).-->-->
--> -->
Funny thing after spending that time with Cute Newly Divorced Gal, I am now attracted to her. This is disturbing since she is not “available” because of her newly divorced, single mom status (two girls 12 & 13 – me I have a 14 yo girl & 18 yo son at college), because of her geographical distance (45 plus minutes if there is no traffic), and that she is not my physical type (I prefer someone more slender since I’ve worked so hard to get there myself). -->-->
--> -->
Plus she is more interested in intellectual connection where I am so done with that (being an engineer with a father and two brothers who are also these left brained logical engineer types and an ex-wife where the only intimacy we shared was intellectual). I am seeking a partner who is more in touch with her senses, emotions, and sexuality (since I have not had that in my life).-->-->
--> -->
I would rather put my energies in someone where there would be a stronger possibility of life partnership or at least a more physical intimacy.-->-->
--> -->
Strange that we “found” each other like that and have such “complementary” or opposite goals in what we are seeking. As we have said with each other, no expectations or attachment to any outcomes is how we both want to live our lives. We are meeting again this weekend to walk our dogs and maybe dinner afterwards. -->-->
--> -->
So with all these reasons on how this is not a fit then how come I am so excited? This is a puzzler since I have met many other great women whom I have shared deeply with and who are attractive but were not “The One” either. Plus being the introvert that I am, it is easier to stay at home by myself and/or go to the gym than to go out once again with someone that is not partner material.
Anyway I'm going and going to enjoy the weekend.
Edited 12/22/2007 9:24 pm ET by mhash

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Marky Mark,
While freshness of a divorce is absolutely something to think about, it shouldn't be THE driving factor. While I'm not necessarily the best poster child here, I will tell you that according to my SO I WAS NOT her type, or at least what she thought her type was. Lucky for me. At the time I was 35 pounds heavier and was not the stud muffin I am today. She was still married, but separated for about a year and I was boyfriend number 3 and probably date/guy number 5,6,7,8 or something in that range. She at times still seems to be sowing her oats, but as long as I keep the freshness of her divorce and her lifestyle in mind things are great.
I would not say that my SO is what I was specifically looking for either. But from day one we just sort of clicked. We fit. Conversation was easy. We shared some things in common, but weren't afraid to share the differences and we are non-judgemental in those areas. I'm not a huge jazz fan, but she is so I take her to jazz concerts and try to understand the music and why she likes it. I'm an old school punk rocker, and she goes with me to Lemonheads and Smithereens concerts and enjoys her time with me as well.
I like and understand your thoughts about sharing common values et al, but sometimes we all overanalyze these things due to our better awareness of ourselves and life after the events that lead us here.
I have to go to a meeting, will expand more later, but just enjoy your time with her. If things are as comfortable and enjoyable as you say, the sensual, sexual, emotional side will come to fruition faster and in ways you never thought possible.
Zen
Ummmm ... aw shucks August.
WOW, this all sounds very positive.
Thanks for your well wishes drgnflygrl.
Thanks for sharing your own personal experiences Zen.
The comforting thing to find out from CNDG is that I won't be the (first) rebound guy.
Hi Mark, This is agreat development. I just wanted to
I saw CNDG last night.
OK after 5 dates, CNDG and I are (even more) in sync and even though we do not want to declare girl/boyfriend-hood, we do have this romantic connection. CNDG and I are on the same page. I love that. The open, honest communication flows. She tells me that she can tell her truth without me judging her, without me using it against her, without worrying about hurting me for she knows that I want to hear what she has to say regardless and that I can take care of myself. We are not having expectations of each other or asking for a commitment. We are appreciating “what is.”
We both see a deeper spiritual reason why we are in each other’s lives (which I won’t go into here). I don’t feel all gooshy, star-y eyed about her. My friend asked if I’m in love with her. I told him that I never been “in love” in my entire life even though it is easy to love someone. With CNDG, I am feeling both at peace and excitment about her. It is the feeling of ease and solidity about her and our relationship. This is something I have never felt with any of my past partners and relationships.
From my past experience, I have felt this electric excitement and passion and/or feeling that she is “good enough” to work on creating a relationship and therefore I would fully commitment myself and jump in with both feet. What I feel is some of that passion but more of that tingly excitement of someone I am connecting with on a deeper level.
We both acknowledge this and treading cautiously for we don’t want to put a label or categorize our relationship as the conventional or traditional boy/girlfriend so early. One day at a time.
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Well, who can argue with this rosy report? Not me. To your relief? Right? LOL!! You are honest and you are having fun and you are two consenting adults. And we are all here to cheer you on or pick up the pieces when you need it - which we vote for the former if we can have the say. We want to see you fall in love with her and ride off happily ever after into the sunset.
Namaste!!
Awwww... Fall in love and ride off into the sunset? Me too CL-West!
BTW I got her a rose quartz sea turtle. She has one tattooed on her back with two symbolic drawings representing her children on the turtle.
I looked up the spiritual meanings of both after I bought it. Rose quartz is the most powerful for dealing with affairs of the heart. It opens up the heart for both giving and receiving love. It soothes negative influences. This stone is good for dealing with issues on an emotional level. A stone from the heart and for the heart. It helps one to be able to love themselves. A good stone for dealing with a "broken heart." The rose quartz is also good for helping one to release childhood traumas, neglect, lack of love, self-esteem. Emanates unconditional love and nurturance and helps us attract positive, gentle, non-judgmental love into our lives.
And the turtle symbolizes the bridge between Heaven and Earth.
She told me it was the perfect gift and slept with it resting on heart.
Metta,
Mark
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Edited 12/22/2007 10:19 pm ET by mhash
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