A date but not a date
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A date but not a date
| Fri, 12-07-2007 - 4:41pm |
A date?
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I wanted to share my “date” which was not intended to be a date. I view dating as an activity with romantic intent (and usually involves me paying for the activity) otherwise it���s getting together to have fun/hanging out. Just because it is with the opposite sex (assuming both are heterosexual) does not mean we are dating in my definition. Of course that’s MY definition and all the women I have been with may have thought differently.-->-->
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Anyway I met this woman at a MeetInPortland mingler with her friend. I was not attracted to her or had any intentions of getting to know her. She was explicit in letting me know that she was not looking for a relationship or to date which was fine for I was not interested in either with her. However I enjoyed talking with her and asked to go out with her so we can continue to know each other for we shared a common interest and a similar spiritual path. Last night was that time we met again. -->-->
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Before our meeting we talked on the phone and shared our lives more and found that we have a deeper shared set of interests and values and outlook to life. I enjoyed this. I have such resonance and shared set of core values with all my existing friends and that is why they are my friends (male and female).-->-->
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Funny thing after spending that time with Cute Newly Divorced Gal, I am now attracted to her. This is disturbing since she is not “available” because of her newly divorced, single mom status (two girls 12 & 13 – me I have a 14 yo girl & 18 yo son at college), because of her geographical distance (45 plus minutes if there is no traffic), and that she is not my physical type (I prefer someone more slender since I’ve worked so hard to get there myself). -->-->
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Plus she is more interested in intellectual connection where I am so done with that (being an engineer with a father and two brothers who are also these left brained logical engineer types and an ex-wife where the only intimacy we shared was intellectual). I am seeking a partner who is more in touch with her senses, emotions, and sexuality (since I have not had that in my life).-->-->
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I would rather put my energies in someone where there would be a stronger possibility of life partnership or at least a more physical intimacy.-->-->
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Strange that we “found” each other like that and have such “complementary” or opposite goals in what we are seeking. As we have said with each other, no expectations or attachment to any outcomes is how we both want to live our lives. We are meeting again this weekend to walk our dogs and maybe dinner afterwards. -->-->
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So with all these reasons on how this is not a fit then how come I am so excited? This is a puzzler since I have met many other great women whom I have shared deeply with and who are attractive but were not “The One” either. Plus being the introvert that I am, it is easier to stay at home by myself and/or go to the gym than to go out once again with someone that is not partner material.
Anyway I'm going and going to enjoy the weekend.
Edited 12/22/2007 9:24 pm ET by mhash
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I wanted to share my “date” which was not intended to be a date. I view dating as an activity with romantic intent (and usually involves me paying for the activity) otherwise it���s getting together to have fun/hanging out. Just because it is with the opposite sex (assuming both are heterosexual) does not mean we are dating in my definition. Of course that’s MY definition and all the women I have been with may have thought differently.-->-->
--> -->
Anyway I met this woman at a MeetInPortland mingler with her friend. I was not attracted to her or had any intentions of getting to know her. She was explicit in letting me know that she was not looking for a relationship or to date which was fine for I was not interested in either with her. However I enjoyed talking with her and asked to go out with her so we can continue to know each other for we shared a common interest and a similar spiritual path. Last night was that time we met again. -->-->
--> -->
Before our meeting we talked on the phone and shared our lives more and found that we have a deeper shared set of interests and values and outlook to life. I enjoyed this. I have such resonance and shared set of core values with all my existing friends and that is why they are my friends (male and female).-->-->
--> -->
Funny thing after spending that time with Cute Newly Divorced Gal, I am now attracted to her. This is disturbing since she is not “available” because of her newly divorced, single mom status (two girls 12 & 13 – me I have a 14 yo girl & 18 yo son at college), because of her geographical distance (45 plus minutes if there is no traffic), and that she is not my physical type (I prefer someone more slender since I’ve worked so hard to get there myself). -->-->
--> -->
Plus she is more interested in intellectual connection where I am so done with that (being an engineer with a father and two brothers who are also these left brained logical engineer types and an ex-wife where the only intimacy we shared was intellectual). I am seeking a partner who is more in touch with her senses, emotions, and sexuality (since I have not had that in my life).-->-->
--> -->
I would rather put my energies in someone where there would be a stronger possibility of life partnership or at least a more physical intimacy.-->-->
--> -->
Strange that we “found” each other like that and have such “complementary” or opposite goals in what we are seeking. As we have said with each other, no expectations or attachment to any outcomes is how we both want to live our lives. We are meeting again this weekend to walk our dogs and maybe dinner afterwards. -->-->
--> -->
So with all these reasons on how this is not a fit then how come I am so excited? This is a puzzler since I have met many other great women whom I have shared deeply with and who are attractive but were not “The One” either. Plus being the introvert that I am, it is easier to stay at home by myself and/or go to the gym than to go out once again with someone that is not partner material.
Anyway I'm going and going to enjoy the weekend.
Edited 12/22/2007 9:24 pm ET by mhash

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Thanks soonee.
Mark, I have to say- it's VERY COOL (for lack of a better phrase) that you and CNDG are moving together in this way! It's great that you are both going into it with your eyes open, with honest communication and making your wants/needs known. And yet not expecting miracles or life solutions
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Mark, stated another way (and more directly), she is vulnerable.
Although Mark, I have to add too... that if I would've gotten something tiny and sexy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I think we cannot have intimacy without being vulnerable.
The VS gift was something we talked about so she's cool about it.
Shrimpy your comment on >I'm actually surprised she didn't take it all the way most women would've.
I could not figure out what you meant by "take it all the way" ...?
Shrimpy your comment on >I'm actually surprised she didn't take it all the way most women would've.
I could not figure out what you meant by "take it all the way" ...?
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
that if I would've gotten something tiny and sexy
We talk about how we are doing with this relationship a LOT.
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