Date older man again?/Other Q's

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Date older man again?/Other Q's
4
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 3:28pm

Hi everyone---it's been crazy! I feel like I need to just step back, take a deep breath, and slow down. If some of you don't know me, I am a single mom of a 2 year old, and dated a man for 2 months who I came to realize would never care about my son. So a few weeks ago I told him it wasn't going to work.

An acquaintance is trying to set me up with an older man, 10 years older. Besides casually dating I haven't been in a relationship for over a year and a half. So, my question is should I even attempt to meet this man? My concerns are the age difference, and he has three kids that are older, I believe somewhere between 9 and 14. I am just thinking that there would be 4 children in the picture, and the children's age differences--is this just too much?

So, is age really just a number, and does how many kids they have matter?

Please, any advice is good advice, and thanks in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 5:02pm

Hello there,

Welcome - I am sure you will hear good answers from all of the people here.

I can give you my opinion. First of all - you get a pat on the back for breaking up with the guy who doesn't care about your kid - very good!!

I think that for right now you should assess if you are ready to date someone new - is this breakup really hard on you? If not then I think it would be okay to date casually. One more consideration might be if you have time or want to make time for someone - is your life under control with your job, making enough money and having time with your child?

The point is that you will never know the answers to these questions unless you try. 10 years older can be a lot older or not a problem depending on the person. If he is young-minded and in good shape I don't see a big deal about that.

Further, the issue about 3 kids depends on him, the kids and the situation with his ex. There are pros and cons.

At the very least, there is nothing wrong with a casual approach to get you out of the house and meeting someone new. Don't have expectations for a relationship - just have fun for the evening and see how it goes. Go slow.

And report back to us!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 7:03pm
great answers judy! my advice would have been similar to yours, so all I can say is ditto!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:03pm
Thank you OC - GMTA!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 9:24pm
10 years isn't a big age difference. But, he has older kids and that can be a problem, especially if he has custody of his children. The other thing is that he probably doesn't want to have anymore children. Are you okay with just having one child?