To Date or Not to Date

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
To Date or Not to Date
29
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 12:21am

Hey All :),


Lately, I've been thinking about dating again. But it's been so long since I had a partner, the idea of it sounds a lot less scary that pursuing it.


My son is almost 4 and I've been without a relationship since his father left. So it's been 4 1/2 years.


I recently registered with eharmony and it just doesn't feel like the right time for me. Plus, I have self esteem issues that I need to let go of.


It's just fun to dress up, put on makeup and just be "around" men right now :). I really enjoy being single, but I know I could be a lot happier with the right guy.


It's really funny when I think about men, there's cute guys all over the place :). Sometimes, I just feel like I'm in love with life in general. Even going to the grocery store is fun :).


But there's some really dumb stuff that holds me back from joining eharmony. Issues that I need to be succcessful or super skinny and live in a newly remodeled place to find a guy. I really need to let go of judging myself so much and not feeling good enough. Or I'll keep attracting guys who only like

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 1:12am
I'll tell you what one of the sexiest attributes a woman can have is confidence. Learn to love yourself and the rest will fall in to place.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 1:38am

Wow, you're a VERY striking brunette :)!


CONFIDENCE seems to be the answer to having healthy relationships :). So I need to KNOW that I'm good stuff, lol. Not over confident though, lol.


BTW, your children are beautiful :)!


Take care,


Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 1:42am

Why thank you for the compliments.

I had to learn the confidence thing and until I started seeing DF I didn't realize that the little confidence I had was what attracted him. He told me my confidence was sexy. I've gotten more confident since we've been dating. Not arrogant though- that's too far.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 8:11am

I felt the same way as you when I started dating again, and I still do now. I tried eharmony and hated it, so I tried other sites. I have yet to get a date off Match that wasn't with an egomaniac looking for a trophy wife, but I think that is just where I live. But I have met some interesting people on other sites and had a date with one last night that may be developing into something, but that's another thread, ladies.

I have days when I think that I don't want to do this. Last night, in fact, I was saying to myself on my way to my date that I would rather be home watching old movies than "sell" myself again. Some days it seems more hassle than it is worth.

But I also think that after living my whole life with one rather controlling person until a few years ago, I just still need time to figure out what I want out of life and a partner and I like not having to account for myself (other than with the kids) or worry about another adult.

Maybe try another dating site, don't get to obsessed about it (which can sometimes be hard to do). Don't let it make you feel creepy. If you have the ability to meet people for real, just enjoy going out, and if something happens, count it as an extra good evening instead of making that the goal of your evening.

Hope that helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 5:50pm
Which OLD sites have you had luck with?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 2:56am

Wow, you seem like a really confident person. I can tell from your pix :).


My son made me feel a lot more confident. Just from standing up to him, lol. He's a little bossy sometimes, lol.


Here's a pic of me :). And my son :).


That's really neat that your friend likes your confidence :). I just think it's a lot easier to get along in life when one feels good about themselves :).


Anyway, thanks for sharing :).


Take care,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 3:03am

Thanks so much :),


Yeah, I do feel kind of uncomfortable thinking about being with a man. I joined eharmony tonight, just to see what a guy looks like. And he didn't even post a pic, lol..


And that's true about Match. It's all these rich guys who want perfection. I've been around people like that and they just seem really uptight. Like they're

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 3:09am

Yeah, I can relate to that, too :). I'm more confident than I've ever been, just from making it through some tough times as a single mom. And yet, I'm still a little antsy about dating.


It's just funny, because I'm so used to being "Mom," that I almost lost my identity for awhile. And now it's coming back.


I guess it's because Keith is getting older and more independent. So I have more free time, like when my mom takes him for a few hours. I'm getting out more and gaining confidence just from being around men, too.


It's just that old issue I'm going through, that I'm not good enough. I really need to let that go and move on. There's new things I want to do with my life. So I'm done lamenting about the past and what might've been :).


It's taken a long time for me to get to this place in my life. I'm not working yet, but plan on doing it soon. I've just overcome arthritis and knee surgery, so I haven't been able to work yet, since I've been home.


Chance meetings just seem a lot more fun, because what you see is what you get, lol. There's no big questions and all this judging. And you don't have to worry about rejection.


I'll try eharmony for a month. And if it doesn't work out, then I'll just know I'm not ready to jump back into the market, lol..


Anyway, I do appreciate what you said :).


Take care,


Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 12:00pm
Oh believe me I still have my insecure moments. I'm just really good at faking it til I make it. It was easy to pick out the things I was confident about- I am a good mother, a loving person, I have great friends who love me, I am intelligent, I am a great cook, etc. and focus on those. That gave me the appearance of being more confident than I really was. Being with DF and having him tell me all of the things he sees builds that confidence more. He is a wonderful man and if he sees these things they must be at least partially true right? I return the favor as well. DF had and air of confidence that attracted me as well and I build his by telling him all the things I see. It's kinda funny that we both were attracted by eachother's confidence and we were both kinda faking it at first.
The other big thing is posture. I am very short as I have mentioned but I appear taller than I am. I roll my shoulders back so I appear straight but not rigid. No crossing your arms over your chest. Look up not at your shoes. When talking with someone try looking them in the eye. It's kinda intense when the electricity starts there.
Your son is just beyond cute. He looks so joyful in that picture. You are so pretty. You have really beautiful eyes and a very shy but cute smile. Definitely work that smile. Smiling is very attractive and you have a good one. Take a look in the mirror and focus on the things you really like about your appearance and then highlight those. They will be the things other people notice and you'll be confident about those.
But mostly just remember you are a good person and you deserve someone wonderful. That way when Mr. Creepy comes along you're strong enough to hold out. (((HUGS)))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 1:37pm

Gosh, I sure know what you are going through.

 


 

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