To Date or Not to Date

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
To Date or Not to Date
29
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 12:21am

Hey All :),


Lately, I've been thinking about dating again. But it's been so long since I had a partner, the idea of it sounds a lot less scary that pursuing it.


My son is almost 4 and I've been without a relationship since his father left. So it's been 4 1/2 years.


I recently registered with eharmony and it just doesn't feel like the right time for me. Plus, I have self esteem issues that I need to let go of.


It's just fun to dress up, put on makeup and just be "around" men right now :). I really enjoy being single, but I know I could be a lot happier with the right guy.


It's really funny when I think about men, there's cute guys all over the place :). Sometimes, I just feel like I'm in love with life in general. Even going to the grocery store is fun :).


But there's some really dumb stuff that holds me back from joining eharmony. Issues that I need to be succcessful or super skinny and live in a newly remodeled place to find a guy. I really need to let go of judging myself so much and not feeling good enough. Or I'll keep attracting guys who only like

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 7:09pm

Hi Michelle,


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 1:33am

Wow! You have SO much character :)!! I really appreciate the advice :)).


And you'er right, I am really shy :). And I'm soft spoken, so I don't appear very confident. My sister is always telling me that I need to speak up, lol.


I have bad posture, too, but at my age, it's getting worse. My back is starting to act up now. I'm 42.


Thanks for the compliments on my son and my appearance :). My son is a really happy kid :). I took the pic of myself last night for eharmony :).


The guy I was interested in never answered my questions. It hurts a little, but I'm trying not to let it bother me.


I think it's just another sign that I'm not ready. My life is under construction right now, so

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 1:46am

Thanks SO much :),


I know the feeling :). And it seems to change with me, depending on my appearance. If I'm in glasses and no makeup, I feel completely different.


OLD is hard. I don't like it when the men don't put up pix. A lot of them do that on eharmony and I don't know why. I've got 19 matches now and I'm not having any luck with any of them. When my month is up, I'm signing off. I thought I'd like it a lot better.


I feel like it's hard for me to compete with all these supermodel types. I'm 42, so I've lost some of my cuteness, lol. And I need to be a lot skinnier, too. I know I'd have a lot more luck with dating if I was really thin.


Men really judge on those sites about weight. And who wants to be with someone like that? They even tell skinny girls that they're fat. I think that's a shame. The girl ends up feeling really bad about herself when she has no real reason to.


My mom is really critical about my personal appearance. She's always telling me I got stuff on my face or teeth, even when I don't. I think that comes from my childhood, when I would come in from the playground, lol.


I think all this stuff comes from childhood and how we were raised. Plus, women are just too hard on themselves. I try not to, but I compare myself to other women sometimes. And that's not good.


I registered on match, but didn't join. But that was before I had my son and when I was skinny. I got a lot of response, but I never joined. So maybe with me, it was about my weight. And everybody knows you can't judge a book by it's cover.


But I really need to do a lot of work on my thinking. I read The Secret and I really believe that if I keep thinking I'm not good enough, I'll keep finding guys who agree with me, lol. There's a lot of stuff I really need to let go of.


Plus, I'm not completely over my baby's father. Almost though :). I'm finally feeling better about his leaving me.


He was just making space for someone MUCH better to come along :).


But I would LOVE to keep in touch with you :)! You sound like a very sweet, wonderful person :)). I know there's LOTS of men who would love to date you :). I really hope the best for you :).


Thanks for your post and the kinds words :). BTW is your name Kim? That's my middle name :).


Have a great week :)!


Hugs,


Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 1:54am

Thanks SO much for reminding me of that :),


I have a lot better luck when I meet someone in person, because I can express my personality, but I can't on a profile somewhere, so much.


Plus, you're right, about how you can feel someone out a lot better in person. And people are just easier to talk to in person, too. And there's that eye contact, like what was said in another post, about where the electricity starts :).


They can see me smile and laugh and just my happy mood :). I look a lot better in person, too. I don't photograph very well.


And there's not so many personal questions or judging either. Because what you see if what you get, in the beginning.


I had a beautiful chance meeting with a gorgeous guy when I lived in Atlanta. We just wanted to kiss each other in that restaurant. We agreed to meet again there and have lunch together, but I freaked out and was afraid to go back, lol. I should've went back! I don't know why I didn't.


I wish that could happen again and it could, if I get out more :). And if I can just be happy and live in the moment. And be grateful :).


That kind of thing could happen anywhere, too :). It's a wonderful feeling when it does :). Especially when they're playing Meg Ryan movie music in the restaurant, lol.


Thanks again :),


Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 9:44am

You may want to try Plenty of fish when your subscription runs out with Eharmony.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 11:40am

Match.com...oi vey.


Last year, I had signed up on it..just to get a feel for it and get my feet wet.

 


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 2:19pm

Welcome, Sunday!


I'm glad you found our board. It sounds to me you are in a great position...you are self aware enought to know what you need. I like what you wrote:


I'm just really inspired to change right now. And I need to embrace the new person I'm becoming. I think in a year, I'll be a better catch :


That pretty much says it all.... take the time to appreciate yoursefl, make the changes you wish to make. As many here have witnessed, it seems that it is when you get a firm grip on who you are and are accepting and confidant of your single life that the right man will appear.


I'm looking forward to hearing more from you. Welcome again! Your pictures are lovely. And what a cutie your DS is!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 11:22pm

Wow, that's a great idea :)! The messageboards sound a lot nicer :).


Thanks for the well wishes :)!


Hugs,


Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 11:26pm

LOL, that's funny :)!


They DO sound like serial Match commers, lol.


I hope someone new comes along and you find someone who is really good for you :).


I wonder how Myspace or Facebook are for that?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 11:29pm

Thanks for the very warm welcome :)!


I guess I have a ways to go, but I'm almost there :). I'm finally starting to feel better from my last bf, lol.


And I really enjoy being single, too :). But maybe a little TOO much, lol, because I'm not sure as to how I'll be able to deal with another person in my life. My mom and my son are almost too much for me now, lol.


But thanks again and I'll keep everybody posted on how this all goes in the next year or so :).


And thanks for the wonderful compliments about my pix :). That means a lot :).


Hugs,


Michelle