Date tomorrow night! Older man...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Date tomorrow night! Older man...
12
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:34am

ACK! I'm going to dinner tomorrow night with a guy I met on an airplane a year ago. I was in a relationship at the time, but he gave me his number and I've talked to him about a dozen times over the past year and have seen him maybe a handful of times for coffee or lunch. So now I'm single again and we're going on our first "real" date on Friday night. He seems like a great guy BUT he's about 12 years older than me (almost 50!). I know that's not really a lot in the big scheme of things, but I'm used to guys my age or even a little younger and for whatever reason, I'm having a hard time getting past the age thing. He has a whole head of gray hair, but is good looking and in great shape. Very successful, grounded and mature from what I can tell so far(this would not be a bad thing as last BF was extremely immature). He was married for 20 years and has 2 older kids. One in college and the other just graduated from HS.

Not only that, but this is my first date after my break-up and those are always a little awkward. My mind's not really in the game yet and I'm not sure I'm quite ready to date again, but have to get back in the saddle again at some point, right? UGH! I'm nervous!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:14am

If you don't think that you are ready to date then maybe you should just reschedule. The age difference can matter but maybe not. If you are attracted to him, then who cares. Twelve years isn't really that much. I wouldn't mind someone 50ish if I was attracted to them. Maturity and commonalities are important. If you enjoy his company then why not just see how it goes?

JMHO
Priscilla

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:18am

I have a funny story to tell. My best friend who I call Jesus Sandals (who is absolutely in love with me going on 2 years now) is 12 years older then I am and I am just NOT ready to date someone that much older when I am still in my mid thirties. I just can't seem to adjust yet to a guy that much older. I don't think it will be an issue in a few years, but at the moment it kind of it and my oldest daughter is totally against me dating anyone older. She rather I date younger. LOL.

Anyway, we both were talking about his X wife, who he and I have a great relationship with her. Really cool woman, but he divorced her because she was an alcoholic and refused to quit, so after many years, he just decided to get out of the marriage. Anyway, she's clean now and she has a great boyfriend.

JS says to me, but Lynn is 40 and this guy is SO much older than she is.
I said: How much older?

And he said: He's 52!

I said: OH! You mean 12 years older??!!! Like you are from me???

He was like: Oh. I guess so. Yeah. (and then you could hear the crickets chirp)

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:51am

I got over the age difference thing when a friend of mine introduced me to this woman whom I started dating and had a great relationship for 3 months. I did not know her age (and neither did my friend) but she turned out to be 39 which was 12 years younger than me at the time. I already established the relationship and frankly was a bit clueless on how "big" the age difference was.

As the result of this relationship, I opened up looking to meet women that much younger than me. Plus a lot of women thought I was around their age anyway.

I had a brief dating experience with a 40 yr old woman (I just turned 54 this year). I asked her if that bothered her. Her response was that I looked good and liked me.

So for me, it is more being on the same page in terms of lifestyle. Women my age have children out of the house, sometimes retired and ready to travel. I am the non-custodial father of two teens, just started a new job, and recently bought a house so in a lot of ways I am in the same boat as those women 10 plus years younger than me.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 3:24pm

I don't think 12 years is too bad of a gap. I dated someone 11 years older than myself a few years ago and I'm 31. I was fine with it and actually prefer older men than younger. I've always been more mature than my age so I guess this is why.

If you feel up to the date then go regardless of the age thing. If you have reservations and don't want to go out on the date then don't. You want to be relaxed and have a good time. Since you have already met him quite a few times before now it should a little less nerve-wracking.

Let us know what you decide!

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 6:16pm

I did think about rescheduling, but I've kind of blown him off in the past and I need to start somewhere. I absolutely HATE change and I'll use any excuse not to have to move in a any direction so I actually think I need this.

I know what you mean about the age thing. I don't know if I'm ready for it either. I look younger then my age and am very young at heart so when I picture myself with an older guy I automatically feel "old". Not how I want to feel right now. But, I'm willing to give it a shot. He seems to really like me and we actually have had some great conversations in the past. I think we share a lot of the same values and ideas. I just don't want the fact that because I picture myself with someone younger means I can't be with someone older. Who knows...maybe it'll be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I'm still nervous though

Cat-funny on the comment. He asked for that one!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 7:57pm
I think it depends on how you feel about HIM - if you get the feeling he is too old then he is. But if he is in great shape and is young at heart and you like him- then that is good. One date won't hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 9:15am

I don't have a problem with dating men your age if they are youthful in feel (I'm 39) but what I really hate is that (and this may just be my perception) most men want a woman younger than them and won't even consider a woman 1 year older. How absurd is that? Truth be told IRL all of the men that I have met and asked for my number have been at least 4 years younger than me. So I must not look like an old hag but many men are about looks first and want a young girl. That kind of bugs me.

My kids are young still so I don't think that many men your age would be interested much in dating someone my age. Their children are usually older and more independent so it they are just in a different place.

JMHO
Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 9:21am
don't let the age thing turn you off. I'm currently with someone 10 years older than me (47) and the last guy I dated was 13 years older than me. Older men are just more mature and if they're healthy and active are a lot of fun to be with!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 9:45am

I think you guys are right! I'm really hoping this is something I can get past especially if we hit it off. Trust me, I really do want to look beyond this and if he turns out to be a great guy who's interested in me too I don't want to walk away just because he's a few years older. I think that one of my hang-ups is that I'm a very very casual. I'm happiest in jeans, t-shirt and ball-cap and he seems so...."professional". I've been known to browse at Abercrombie and Roxy, and my idea of a good dinner is wings and beer at a sports bar.

I agree with you about the guys who don't want to date a day beyond their birthdays. I've noticed that too on men's profiles. What about the 40 year olds who put they want to date women between the ages of 18-???! !!! That's just almost creepy and a huge turn-off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 9:50am

"I think that one of my hang-ups is that I'm a very very casual. I'm happiest in jeans, t-shirt and ball-cap and he seems so...."professional". I've been known to browse at Abercrombie and Roxy, and my idea of a good dinner is wings and beer at a sports bar."

Well, that could be a real plus to him and you should make this known. I love Abercrombie and I am 45. Not that I wear the tiny skirts - but their clothes look great on me and they are good quality and fun.

The pluses of an older man would be: financially stable, mature, experienced in the sack, don't want any more kids, kids are grown, wants a relationship, hopefully tired of the clubbing scene. And if they are healthy and active that is better than someone who is not healthy and active even at a much younger age. Also, between both of you, you will have a great variety of music and movies to draw from - making life and discussions more interesting.

Come back and tell us how you did!!

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