The Date....LONG

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
The Date....LONG
11
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 4:33pm

Sorry so long....

So I drive to his house at around 7.30 and we jump in his car and take a ride down the coast. We’re both nervous but in that kind of excited way because we just met face to face. I’m relating stories of this and that place as we pass it because it’s where I grew up and he is graciously listening and trying to really pay attention to me by giving me eye contact as he’s driving…cute! So we’re passing all these places and they’re packed so we decide to go further down the coast to a place he knows. The place we go to is also pretty packed but the bouncer/doorman tells us that upstairs is more private. So we go upstairs, there is a bar but there is no place to really eat. There is a cushioned bench along two walls so we sit down. So we have two drinks and we talk but I’m having a hard time reading him. He mentioned he had a kid so I addressed that. Apparently he signed off his rights to the child so that the mom wouldn’t make both of their lives hard….here is the thing….I was the kid whose dad signed off on, and it’s a miserable position to be in so that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. But we’re talking and it’s going nicely. He tries to get a table but the bouncer/doorman says he doesn’t know where the hostess is…blah blah blah….basically says, not gonna help you. So my date returns and is very irritated by this and I tell him no big deal so we decide to leave to go and get a bite to eat. At this point it is around 10pm. So we go to kind of a dive place but I like it because it’s so oldschool…the seats were velour with vinyl (awesome!). So it seems to be going well but the way he looks at me kind of makes me nervous. Because you know “the look” like he’s planning a move….it makes me VERY NERVOUS! So I don’t make eye contact for very long and I’m trying to be cool (obviously not working). So we’re about to order and I CATCH HIM CHECKING OUT THE WAITRESS. Not just caught his eye but then he follows her as she goes around the booth. Now, I can give the benefit of the doubt if he was trying to get her attention to order but it sure didn’t look like that. So that kinda set me in a weird mood. Anyway, we eat, talk about movies which we are not on the same page about (not a good sign as far as I know). So we go to head back to his house. BUT, before that he goes to some out of the way liquor store and goes inside. I was going to join him but he suggested I stay inside. So I call my girlfriend freaking out because I have no idea what to do “back at his place”! I’m a huge nerd. Then it occurs to me…is he buying condoms!! So I’m kind of in that “you’ve got another thing coming” type of mood but I relax a little as we head back to his place. So we’re at his place…he complains about the 3rd roommate and we go to his room which is immaculate. He has a couch for a bed (pull-out I assume) so we sit on the couch.

Now, here is my problem…if I just want to make-out or get with a guy I have no nervousness what so ever…BUT apparently if I’m trying to be “good” I am struck with nerves as if I was a 15 year old who hasn’t been kissed yet! So I’m sitting on the couch, legs crossed, arms crossed, jacket still on. Might as well have “Absolutely NOT” written on my forehead. He has a drink and I don’t because I have to drive back and after an hour or so I decide to head out. Walks me to my car and I stupidly made some type of smart @ss remark about dinner…my attempt to be funny but made him profusely apologize about not going somewhere nice. He goes for the hug and goes to kiss me on the cheek but in my nervousness I turn my head toward him and we accidently peck…..SO EMBARASSING!!! I get in the car and begin chastising myself for being such a retard!

Bleh…..I think I need more experience at this because I have no idea how to deal with anything!!! I’m a total nerd because he asked me to call him the next day, which I did…at 11:30 at night after I was a little tipsy from a party I had at my house….DUMB. Called yesterday to apologize for calling so late and haven’t heard from him and I’m not really planning on hearing from him again…..I am a disaster!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 4:43pm
Way too many red flags there, I'd move on. Never go to a guys place unless you are
ready to sleep with him and for safety reasons never on the first date. That's my hard rule. It was obvious what he was looking for, I doubt you'll hear from him again, consider yourself lucky.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 4:58pm

You are NOT a nerd. You are smart and listening to yourself the whole way. He has more flags than a communist parade. Signing off rights to his kid, checking out the waitress, going in for liquor and making you wait outside, making you drive, not taking you to a nice place.

I give you a big A for listening to yourself instead of trying to please him to get him!!

The thing is that he was not the way you want him to be.

NEXT!!

Good practice, good round!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:29pm

Hahahahaha. I was literally laughing out loud at your post. Not because I'm laughing at YOU, but your reactions, the way you got all nervous, and the whole "Back OFF" stance you took is definitely something I do- and then I can see myself screwing it all up with a kiss turned wrong.

Way too funny.

Now, since you saw some red flags, don't fret about you screwing it up. He screwed it up for YOU, so don't even worry about calling, or him calling. Also, I think that this date with someone you know was wrong for you is excellent practice. To quote another poster, you may have to date a lot of the wrong guys, but it only takes ONE right one.

Keep getting outthere, keep meeting people, you'll get better at this- practice makes perfect!!

Moody, still smiling


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:03pm

Gee... sounds like a great first date (rolling eyes)


My thoughts are NEXT!!!


Don't worry about seeming like a dork, this guy isn't worth your time.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 1:48am
Totally agree with everyone else - you likely dodged a bullett with him. DONT EVER go back to a guys house, never MIND his bedroom, never MIND after drinking ... scary.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 3:25am

I'm hearing it, yes it's coming through loud and clear:

It's The Dating Bell again - DING DING NEXT!

Someone who makes you feel uncomfortable is NOT someone you want to date again.

Chalk it up to experience.

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 3:26am

"He has more red flags than a communist parade".

Hahahahaha - I still laughing! You kill me!

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 7:40am

I am glad you find me funny.

The thing is that I am very creative and positive - which is good for my work but absolutely poison with men. I used to overlook red flags or give them a reason/excuse and try to see the good in a man. But that just gets one in trouble. So no more - what you see is what you get!! I have no mercy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 7:47am

I have always admired that in you. You know what you want, and you won't settle for anything less.

It takes so much strength of character to have this vision, and stick to it, like you do. When the right guy comes around, he is going to be one lucky fella.

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 3:15pm

my best friend and I laughed about it for hours...then I spent a few hours feeling sorry for myself and how this whole thing sucks...AND THEN, I e-mailed cute guys on OLD sites like MAD!!! Now I have a whole new outlook: What's the Big Deal?!
I need experience and then when a good one comes along I'll be in the right place :) This has actually made me feel that I need to value MYSELF more and not so much the guy. But it really helped when I was able to type it out and get responses and remove the fog of WANTING it to go well and seeing it for what it is...a date with a loser!

love you guys!!
~ drgn, feeling the love!

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