Dating 101-Any instructors?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Dating 101-Any instructors?
5
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 10:54pm

Hello all!

I'm completely ready to date! I'm not looking to rush into anything serious. I'm just ready to go out with someone and enjoy some "me" time.

however, I'm clueless. I've read posts and have received some ideas. I've done the OLD sites with NO success. I recently had an email from an OLD site and conversed over email for a week with this man, and that progressed into a phone call from him. He promised to call the next day, in which he did, and I actually missed his phone call. I returned the phone call and left a VM. Two days later I get an email stating that he was sorry he missed my call, blah, blah, blah, that it was wonderful talking to me, blah, blah, blah. Then he asked if I had a myspace page. (which I do) I gave him my page (which is set at private) I get a myspace message from him and a friend's request. I respond and accept his request. And it's been 4 days with nothing.

This is the typical scenario.

I accept the fact that I don't gel with a lot of people, given the fact that I'm very vocal and blunt in all my dealings. I don't become too bitter when things don't work out, even to the point of not even getting a first date.

I just am curious on HOW TO GET A FIRST DATE!

Most of the guys I know, met, etc, are only on a friend level. They actually come to me for advice on their women problems. I could write a book on all of that, but I shall not.

So how does a girl that wants to date, and isn't desperate YET, go about getting a date...an actual date...not friends hanging out to catch up, which is what I've encountered lately (with guys I'd actually consider prospects)

Thanks!!

Shann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 4:16am
They say its all a numbers game. Contact a bunch of guys ... any you MAY have interest in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 6:53am

I did OLD for probably a year before I actually met anyone in person, then it was meeting after meeting.

I think just knowing yourself, what you want, and that you ARE worth the wait will help you.

I also think you should simply look put together and friendly even if you are out running errands. If you don't meet someone you can still practice flirting, and eventually the right guy will come into your life. Then you'll wonder what you were so worried about.

Timing is key- you being ready is important, but only as important as the right guy being ready too.

Moody, who learned so much from the board


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:55am

You said that you tend to be blunt with people and "don't gel"... what kinds of things do you say, exactly? Maybe there is something there to explore, if you can't even seem to get that first date going.

I'm surely no expert, but I do think alot of men like women who aren't too 'tough' or seem too independent. I'm not saying that we should all start dressing frilly and start being 'damsels in distress' but that sometimes a little bit of femininity goes a LONG way. Femininity mixed with confidence. Not femininity (now that word just looks misspelled to me- lol) that is drenched in stupidity (though there ARE some men who like that type of thing- probably the ones who send penis pics in IM- ick!)

So I'm just wondering if your bluntness is what is causing that wall to go up.

I just know that I used to be "one of the guys" many times in the past. I had MANY male friends who were like brothers and never dates. That was also during a time when I was "just being me" and never getting dressed up in anything girly. EVER. It was always jeans and t-shirts and I was literally 'one of the guys' in appearance! I'm not saying you do that- just that I've learned through the years (many years- duh) that I caught more romantic male interest once I started being more girly. I had to learn how to incorporate a bit of femininity into what 'being me' meant.

Adding in the femininity without losing the confident attitude. That's not always an easy balance, because too much confidence can lead some men to thinking you are too independent and don't need them (or they won't feel like they can catch you, so won't even try). Let yourself come across TOO girly, and sometimes I think men will move too far into the area of sexual interest without having any intellectual interest. It's a weird balance for sure. And most men will have their own varying wants in whether they like a woman who is more independent, or more girly. I think that adds to the difficulty of finding a good match. But as usual- if you don't find a match, it doesn't mean he is broken or you're broken- it just means you are not a match for each other and could be a great match for someone else.

I think I got off on a wild tangent here though. :-P

But that sentence in your post "I don't gel with a lot of people, given the fact that I'm very vocal and blunt in all my dealings." just might be part of what is keeping you from getting in the door.

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:20am

I think you bring up good points, Shrimps - for sure.

To our original poster, Shannmb - you may want to read a copy of "Venus and Mars on a Date" because it really brings out the common differences between men and women. I found it gave me an appreciation and understanding for the way men think and why they do some of the things they do. I think it would be a good "dating 101" type of book.

Ultimately you do want to be yourself and find the one who likes you just the way you are. But if you can be more aware of how what you say and do has an effect on others you might just get a little jump start.

Excellent advice here ladies, as usual.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 7:27pm

Oh my goodness! How in my face is that!

I am one of the guys, which is probably most of the problem.

Maybe I'll tone down a bit...without losing my sense of self. Someone will love that aspect of me. And if not, then I'll still be happy being me.

Thanks!!!!