Dating with 4 kids, is it POSSIBLE???
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Dating with 4 kids, is it POSSIBLE???
| Thu, 11-22-2007 - 7:51pm |
Hi there, I am recently divorced mother of 4.... thinking of getting back out there and try to date a little. I am a student at a local university currently to get a degree in psychology and sociology so I can get a good job to support myself and the kids without anyone else. (I need to do this for me.. )
I was a work at home mom when I found out my x was cheating on me and two days after I confronted him, he tried to abduct our girls (my boys are from a prev. relationship but he basically raised them) so, since that night, when the cops told him to leave, he has moved out.
My sister put up a profile for me on a site, and it states the cold hard truth, divorced mother of 4, looking for friendship. And I have actually met some very nice people. One in particular that I really would like to meet in person. He knows about my kids, he knows about my x and the affair he had. he has not kids of his own, but is very close to his niece and nephews (as my siblings are with my kids) and I can tell he really likes kids.
I am just so worried. I am worried for my kids, worried for me, worried for anyone getting involved with me (in case I just cant commit) I am worried that my kids are just too much for anyone.
Are there really guys out there who want to step parent 4 kids?!?!?!?!?! Who want to deal with custody BS and all that??
One of my boys has ADD and the other has ADD/Sensory Integration disorder and an emotional issue (we find out the diagnosis on the 29th) and I worry that its just too much for anyone.
I just dont want to be alone. I need companionship outside of people who think Nickelodeon is the only channel that exists!!!
What do you all think?
I was a work at home mom when I found out my x was cheating on me and two days after I confronted him, he tried to abduct our girls (my boys are from a prev. relationship but he basically raised them) so, since that night, when the cops told him to leave, he has moved out.
My sister put up a profile for me on a site, and it states the cold hard truth, divorced mother of 4, looking for friendship. And I have actually met some very nice people. One in particular that I really would like to meet in person. He knows about my kids, he knows about my x and the affair he had. he has not kids of his own, but is very close to his niece and nephews (as my siblings are with my kids) and I can tell he really likes kids.
I am just so worried. I am worried for my kids, worried for me, worried for anyone getting involved with me (in case I just cant commit) I am worried that my kids are just too much for anyone.
Are there really guys out there who want to step parent 4 kids?!?!?!?!?! Who want to deal with custody BS and all that??
One of my boys has ADD and the other has ADD/Sensory Integration disorder and an emotional issue (we find out the diagnosis on the 29th) and I worry that its just too much for anyone.
I just dont want to be alone. I need companionship outside of people who think Nickelodeon is the only channel that exists!!!
What do you all think?

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Hi gwenefyr,
You are exactly where I was Jan 06. I did exactly the same thing when I finally faced up to the fact my X was an abusive jerk, and totally toxic for me. Yes, he cheated, rubbed my face in it, got physically abusive, and I finally served him with papers in mar/04. I went to counseling for about a year and had my teenage sons in counseling as well. I, like you, went back to school, my daughter was only 6 months old but I managed by going part time. You are going in the right direction.
Now on to dating. I had absolutely no prior experience as I had met and fell in love with PsychoBoy at age 14. I was the one date wonder until I asked a guy who had gotten to date number 2 before the dreaded see ya e-mail, what I was doing wrong. He totally respected that I had the guts to do that and answered me honestly. I just gave off a vibe that my X was a big problem and most guys don't want all that drama. So, from then on I kept discussion about my X and what had gone wrong to "We grew apart/ we were very young when we met and married so we changed a lot/ we wanted different things." I did not want to get into a relationship, just dating for some adult companionship. All of a sudden, I couldn't keep guys away LOL. I met someone I totally fell for, had my 3 month healing/transitional/rebound (whatever you want to call it) relationship and then I was fine with dating several guys without being too serious with any of them. Funny how life throws you Mr Right Right Now when you aren't looking, but that is what happened. I met M, a divorced dad, at the pool our kids had swim team at. We've been together ever since, I just got back from meeting his family in Fla over Thanksgiving.
So my advice is give yourself time, take a break from dating and focus on you a bit. Go back to dating and if you find it isn't going as you hope, ask the guys you've dated for feedback. I had similar experiences that you have had- guys who were too serious too fast, guys who wanted just a quick notch on the bedpost, but also decent guys who genuinely respected that I was in the same murky waters of finding out what I want, who I am now, as they found themselves to be in. It's a great journey. And although neither M nor I are looking for another marriage, we haven't totally ruled out that as a future possibility- just not any time soon!
QueenBun
Its hard sometimes, not feeling bitter about relationships. I will remember to keep most of my feelings to myself about my x. (or share them here LOL)
I think mostly I am looking for friendships, KWIM? and I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, which is the way I have always been. I have to work harder on realizing I cant hurt myself by doing things that I dont want to do, like be in a relationship that isnt working for me.
You gals (and guys) are the best!
Liz
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