Dating Advice from Oprah

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Dating Advice from Oprah
5
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 7:16am

Dating Advice from the Man Behind The Manual

From the show The Best Places to Find Men Over 35: Gayle King Reports
Steve Santagati, author of 'The MANual'To find a man, you have to know how they think. To figure that out, Gayle turned to Steve Santagati, author of The Manual, for help.

Looks Can Kill
No woman wants to hear this, but looks are important to guys, Steve says. "You miss opportunities if you're not done every time you leave the house—every time you leave the house. It's the rule that's in place, whether you like it or not—guys are visual."

Hone Your Skills
While some women focus their attention and skills on their jobs and hobbies, they think that finding a man is just going to happen, Steve says. Women should think of flirting as a skill, too. "Like being a lawyer, playing tennis, you have to practice and get good at it," he says.

Dealing with Rejection
Fear of getting burned leaves some men afraid to approach women. Steve says this is a perfect opportunity for women to make a move. "If you approach us subtly and talk about something great, we'll say, 'She's interesting and friendly,'" he says.

Inner Dialogue
Steve says when you enter a room you should be talking to yourself, saying, "I can have anyone in this room." "Guys pick up on that," he says. "Practice faking it if you don't feel it. … It changes everything."

Cell Phone Intimidation
Could your cell phone be putting out bad vibes? "Women are always on the cell phone when they're alone in public. So what does that say to the man? 'Wow, she's hot, but she won't shut up,'" Steve says. "And he can't approach you because you're talking to someone else!"

Text Messaging Manners
Don't let a man ask you out with a text message. "Make him call you. Tell him, 'Act like a guy and call me and ask me out. Be a gentleman.'"

The Sporting Life
It sounds obvious, but if you want to meet a guy, go where they are. And where are guys? Wherever there are sports! "Sporting clubs, fishing, golfing, volleyball. It's double duty—having fun and meeting men," Steve says. The best part? Your odds will be good because there won't be many other women around.

Universal Turn-Offs
Steve says there are a few surefire things a woman can do that will drive any man away. One is if she seems desperate for kids. "If she stares at baby carriages or makes comments, that sends a message she's desperate for kids. And that makes guys run," he says. A second is bitterness. "We all have baggage, but don't bring it to your first date. Leave it at home. Go on a date with a fresh start and open mind." A third is selfishness. "Say, 'Thank you,' when he buys you dinner or does something nice."

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 10:11am

Okay, I'm all for, except for the sports stuff, see I have no idea about any kinds of sports, none at all. No one ever taught me, and I never got involved,

And how am I supposed to practice flirting???

Florence

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:08am

By the way, The Best Places to Find Men Over 35 listed Arlington, Texas as the #3 place in the US to find available men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:58am

Well, I was mulling over that sport thing too. Okay - so, I have biking, swimming, running and triathlons covered. Am always out on the bike and in the bike store. In the pool, on the running trails and at local races. So I have that covered and the best thing is that is what I love doing.

But I am not so sure about the sports thing - cannot imagine going into one of those smoky smelly sports bars to watch a game. BUT my DS loves to watch games so maybe we will go to some around here. There is baseball, hockey, basketball and football. So that could count for something. And we are going to join a new gym - it has rock climbing and ping pong for DS and swimming for me. DS is going to try water polo too. So that is good for us.

I guess if there is a sport you like or could have an interest in or one that is playing near you - you can take the kids? Or just be into kids sports? QB met her SO with her kids sports activities. And the guy I just dated that was really great except for the fact he has 2 exs and is recently divorced is a kids coach.

Now, about flirting - I am going to make that the QOTW - you are right - we all have to get better at flirting and I bet collectively we can make a good thread to all learn from each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:59am

You lucky thang! (trying my best for that sweet Texas drawl!)

Maybe you should put a little empasis on that locale in match.com? Keep us posted for sure!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 9:50pm

This was the show I was watching that I mentioned in my last post about 'A'. :)

My problem is eye contact. Some women I have seen/known STARE at a guy until they look at them and then they turn away. Kind of defeats the purpose. I have the opposite problem, I look quickly and then look away. lol Guess I have to work on that... Now flirting, I've got down pat. It's that southern girl in me. lol

Jennifer