Dating after 20 yr marriage
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Dating after 20 yr marriage
| Tue, 01-23-2007 - 8:04pm |
Hi All,
New here and just would like to hear from someone else who was in a long-term marriage.
I was married 20 yrs, have been separated almost 2 years now, nasty divorce. Anyway, I have my 2 girls with me and we are finally settled in our new life. While I dated a few times in the beginning, and was seeing an old friend (who happened to be married, I do not recommend), I am finally ready to meet a nice guy.
I have tired many online sites, went to local singles group nights (men very old, like 70+), but since I work in my home, I really do not know how to meet any quality men.
Any advice?
Thanks

Hello and welcome to our board - you have come to a great place.
The bummer is that just because you are now ready to meet a nice guy, doesn't mean that he is right there waiting for you!!
So, it is time to drum up your social life and activities as best as you can. It is hard getting started, but once you get on a roll you will find it easier. Instead of just going to singles things, which I find depressing and contrived, think of things you like to do or have always wanted to learn.
Gyms, classes, outdoor workout groups, club sports, bowling, local charities, church - those are all places where you can meet people. Don't just aim to meet a guy - build a big group of friends - because they have more friends and on and on. This way you are sure to meet someone nice that likes to do what you like to do.
Some do try online dating - and I think it can be good for practice. You will learn how to determine if a guy is into you for you or just sex (and beware there are plenty of those out there!). You will learn what you like and don't like. You will learn rejection.
Today's singles are looking for someone with a compatible life situation, similar interests and chemistry. Which is all well and good - but it makes for a bit of a maddening process where we all tend to be picky and the pond is small.
But let it be fun and a self discovery process. I do think you will do better after your divorce is final - because that is a draining process and there is just nothing like having the ink being dry and the dust being settled.
Good luck and keep us posted. I am sure the others will chime in with their suggestions, tips and welcomes. We hope you stay and participate in our posts because we always love new opinions and you will learn a lot here.
Edited to add: 2 books will get you up to speed quick for dating - Mars and Venus on a Date and He's Just Not That Into You - of course there are a ton more - if you do a search on books here you will find our book thread.
Edited 1/23/2007 10:09 pm ET by cl-west1745
Hi there, and welcome! My marriage didn't last very long, but I can tell you that the best way to meet people is simply to get out there. This applies for meeting friends, too.
It may turn out that a hobby you take up is something another woman does, who happens to have a cousin who's perfect for you. Or perhaps you'll meet a man while ice skating who lives down the street, and without having gone you'd never have met him.
It takes time. I've been single for 5 years, dating some in between, and with one relationship.
finding hobbies or other things to keep you busy will make YOU happy, which is the only way to be in a relationship.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
Moody
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Believe it or not, I have read both those books and more...I could start a library for recently single people!
Part of the issue is that while I do play tennis 2x a week, there are no clubs where there are mixed doubles who are not married. I am finding it to be an "Us" vs "Them" world...the single over 40 people vs the married. While I have an abundance of friends, I have exhausted their connections. I also live 50 mi. north of a major city, so somewhat out in the sticks.
I will welcome any more feedback.
Howdeee, Young!
Soonee...
So you do know what it is like...esp. when you go out with your old "married friends" (of which I have a lot, and they decided to go to "me rather than my ex)..I am a very energetic, out there and not too bad looking lady and the wives will always take my talking the wrong way.
I really want to take up Latin dance...in the past, I was always the one who would "lead" so I need to learn to "follow". I have not found anything close, and reluctantly will have to drive an hour to do that.
I found working at home, my parrot keeps me company, well, at least he "talks" to me.
; )
Young
Soonee, that is a great list of things to do. I am so glad you stopped by our board. It is interesting that you say that isolation causes depression. Because I work at home too. And while I do try to get out, sometimes I don't think it is enough. Will remember this lesson.
Loved the conversation between you two about the "us an them" - have found that to be quite true!!
Do you have a single female friend? or, is everyone married?
If you do not have a running buddy, I highly recommend finding a single friend who would be willing to make plans with you. Two women on the town can meet people that a woman alone or a woman with a married woman could not meet.
I work at home most of the week. You need to find someone to talk to. When I get around people, I tend to talk their ear off and I realize that's because I have such limited contact with others during the day.