Dating again after divorce
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Dating again after divorce
| Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:50pm |
Hi. I'm new to this site and thought maybe I'd get some positive imput to a real problem. I was married for 23 years and divorced in 2001. I dated a little but was involved in 2002 in a tragic car crash. My injuries took a while to heal. I have put my child my priority but she is now l6 and I am more than ready to start dating again. I have my eye on one guy in particular. He makes my heart melt! Only problem is, he's a widower and still has not recovered from her death. He also has a daughter close in age to mine. We've been friends for awhile now, chatting on the phone and flirting a little, so I think there's a connection there. I am just afraid of being too pushy and scaring him off or not being open enough and someone else grabbing him up! He's such a wonderful,caring man. He's funny and he makes me laugh and when I'm with him, he makes me feel secure and cared about. I wanted him to be my Valentine, but I am scared. How do I let him know I really really want more than friendship with him yet not send him running in the opposite direction. Dating in your 40's is much more frightening than dating in your 20's!

You have to be patient and wait for him to want you romantically. Sad thing is that even though you want him that way, there is no guarantee he wants you that way. For now you just have to be patient and keep your feelings in check.
Another thing is to keep him wondering a little. If you are always there to talk to, he won't miss you.
Maybe he will surprise you? It sure sounds like you two have a lot in common. Keep us posted, okay?
OH - and with regards to the Valentine issue, I think it is okay if your daughter makes something for the two of them and you hand deliver it - looking great of course!
Edited 2/13/2007 7:46 am ET by cl-west1745
Hi,
If your friend is not over his wife's death, I recommend not doing anything for Valentine's Day. I feel that it might be a hard enough day for him, esepcially if his wife is only fairly recently deceased.
I am sure he really appreciates your friendship, and there could be the risk of him getting upset if he starts to think you want more, when he is relying on you as a friend, at least for the moment.
I recommend you sit it out, be there for him as you always have been, and see how both your feelings develop. The waiting is hard, but it's better to wait a while longer and for him to be really ready for a romantic relationship, rather than push it before he is in that place.
Just my opinion. Hope it works out for you.
Clem xx
MissClemmy - you totally score with this one - I mean - this advice is HUGE and I didn't catch it - of course the first Valentine's Day after his wife's death would be quite sad.
I agree that our OP should not do anything that would be viewed as romantic toward the man - that would be a turn-off and look pushy.
You should wait until he initiates something with you. If a man wants to ask a woman out, he will do it. I agree with what West said about not always being available to take his call or chat. You don't have to jerk him around, but you can make yourself a little busy. Don't call him. Let him call you. If he calls, don't always be home to take the call. Let him be afraid of someone else grabbing you up.
He might not get over his wife's death anytime soon. Some people never do.