Dating Question: Financially Stable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Dating Question: Financially Stable?
35
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 2:11pm

Okay, it seems that lately I've been corresponding and meeting men who are either having financial difficulties and/or extreme cases??

I don't like to question men as if they are going on a job interview, but any suggestions on how I can find out where a person stands financially without blatantly asking him??

It's so unfair and I hate to sound shallow. It seems you have to wait just to find someone you are remotely interested in and then you do, and then find out they have no money to take you out on dates!

I'm an African-American, and I wonder if other races have this issue much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 10:20am
Being a divorced father it is hard to be financially stable as I would like to be now.
This is how I look .
I drive an older truck a 1996 blazer in mint condition. I rent an apartment and have about 2thousand dollars left to pay off on marriage debt and I pay my ex wife weekly so she has money for the kids. I do however have a a few thousand in the bank. My credit is excellent. However I do only have very little left for dating.
My question is do I sound or look stable?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 10:50am

Hi there!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 11:57am

To me, you're stable.

I agree with Jennie (first) that it's not the amount of money you make or the assets you have, it's the responsibility factor. To me, if you get a paycheque and say, "what do I need to make payments on?" first, then that's responsible. If you get a paycheque and say, "goody, now I can buy that ____ that I wanted- bills, what bills?", that's NOT!

My ex was horrible with money, if he had it it would burn a hole in his pocket. Eventually things got out of hand with his drug and alcohol addiction that he no longer cared for paying the rent, he would get money and it would be gone. I then had to cover the rent and all other expenses on a minimum wage gas station job.

It's been 4 years since we've broken up. He's lost his license and has to pay big money to get it back. He lives with his parents, and they take his WCB pension cheque when it comes in (he was in a really bad accident 2 years before we met and has a monthly pension settlement), and they pay the child support out of it to me and put money down on his license. The guy is going to be 35 this year and he can't be trusted to pay anything!

I would NEVER stay with a man that didn't pay his bills first when he got paid. That to me is the biggest thing about being responsible. My current bf gets paid, he does the same thing I do, gets into online banking, transfers money to our joint account for the household bills, makes a payment on his credit card if it had anything on it, and puts some into savings- and maybe transfers some to me if I've gone and done a big grocery shop. The rest of the money is his to do what he wants, just as mine is -but it doesn't burn a hole in his pocket, he doesn't HAVE to go and spend it, he just KNOWS that it's there to spend if he wants to.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:57pm

I vote stable and responsible!!

Welcome to our board!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 1:00am
What I thought a womans idea of financially stable is owning a home and having enough money set aside in the bank. Please dont misunderstand what I am saying. I guess I am kind of niave to think that people can be so {irresponceable}. Ahh I cant spell . How can a man expect a woman to have respect for him if he cant respect himself and her. I guess I am old school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 11:11am

You sound stable to me. You're making your support payments and getting on with your life at the same time.

It's getting to be very hard to afford a home these days, especially in certain parts of the country. Where I live, a person is not expected to own their own home. You're stable if you don't have a roomate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 2:25pm

I agree.

Here it is really expensive to own a home, even with mine and J's combined income, we couldn't afford to own here. Besides, by the time we'd have a decent downpayment, the market would be again out of our reach. So we're staying put in our basement suite and enjoying the lower cost of living (we have a cheap 2 bedroom compared to other places in town here, it's a full basement of a 3 storey house, full yard and tons of storage space, even have a pantry!)

To me stable is paying bills and being responsible.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 4:28pm

I would still consider you stable. You are very responsible with your kids and bills, you have your priorities in order and you are living well within your means.

"Not responsible" to me would be buying all sorts of things you can't really afford on credit and spending money in an irresponsible manner.

I know you wish for more - a home of your own and more money - but I am sure you will reach this in time or with the right partner. Many women enjoy their careers and they pride themselves on their ability to be part of a team.

Your treasures are your children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 12:09am
Thank you for your positive outlook. Although 5senses had said or close to if I had a roommate it would look unstable. Heck if I had a roommate I would be saving for another house. Sometimes we all have to look outside of the box. I would never convict someone for their life style unless they were doing it for a reason that was unlawful. Yes I do feel poor at times but I do understand how women feel. After a divorce I hear how some people treat each other when they have kids.
Two adults sometimes focus to much on their hatred for each other and the children suffer.
Well talking to you is the only way I can see womans view of me.
Thank you all of you.
I will be glad to give you any input you may want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 8:39am

I would think a room mate would be okay if it was for the purpose of saving money and getting ahead after a divorce - that wouldn't bother me. I would think that is smart. That is different than a 20 something guy who has 4 wild room mates and parties all the time.

Please stick around - we love to have a man around the house - it helps us figure you guys out - and is nice to have male insight!!

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