Dating a single mom? - vs +

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Dating a single mom? - vs +
15
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 10:27pm

So i met this 27 year old attractive woman. Im aware through a source she has a 7 year old son. I have never dated a single mom, so i would be new to this. Most guys, this is a red flag and should be avoided. I notice she likes attention at work from guys, as guys flock to her every single minute. She just feeds off it. She knows she gots it physically, and seems to play games with these guys. I talk to her one day, then ignore her the next trying not to seem desperate as the other guys. I dont know a single moms lifestyle. Does she go out alot on weekends? Is she more responsible? She mature faster? Has being a single mom changed her in any way?

Suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 6:37am

I do think that single moms are special people - maybe because I am one of them. :-) Being a single mom has made me very strong. I have had to raise my son all on my own and I have had to deal with a failed marriage and exhusband. This has all taught me to appreciate my friends, to believe in myself and to cherish every day. It has also made me younger at heart than my married friends since I am enjoying my singledom.

My son has given me much more than I could ever give him. He is very special - he makes me laugh and he does neat things every day to make me really proud. He is 9 so he is very independent now and I would bet that is the same with a 7 year old. That is a great age.

A mom has learned that someone else in this world matters more than herself and in most cases is very responsible and mature - more so than a woman who has not had children in my opinion. She has to work hard and will probably appreciate even the smallest gestures. Most do not go out a lot on weekends - only when someone else will watch their child. Their child does come first and rightfully so because that individual is dependent on her.

You sound a bit insecure if you are so worried about these other guys and what a single mom will do to your lifestyle. The pros and cons are in your own head. My suggestion is to be sincere, keep an open mind and to go slow. See what happens over time.

Good luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 5:52pm

Anyone who is raising a child alone has a lot more responsibility than just a single person. When you are single, you can come and go as you please and do with your money what you please. As a parent, single or not, you cannot just go out at 11 to meet friends for a drink, because you have to find a sitter- so going out is something that MUST be planned in advance. Also, you have to be tighter with your finances than if you're single, because you have to ensure that your child's needs are met. It's highly unlikely that she goes out clubbing every weekend, since that would cost LOTS of money to be hiring babysitters all the time. She may go out once in a while, but probably spends her weekends doing errands and doing kid related activities (maybe her kid's in karate or swimming).

You had mentioned that she likes to bask in the male attention she gets- sure, everyone likes to feel they are sexy and desirable- but is she DATING any of them?

I'm sure you're worried that because she's a single mom she'll only be looking for a "daddy" for her son, right? Is that not why guys get *red flags* when they hear a girl has a kid? Truth be told- that is the FURTHEST thing from a single mom's mind! Dating is for HER, not her kid. The kid has a dad, he doesn't need another one. It's time for her to have some fun, she's not worried about getting married in a month and you adopting her child- most single moms don't even introduce thier kids into the mix for months. Should things become more serious, you will have to meet her kids and be more included in her "normal" life- and she will see how you and her child get a long.

If you are seriously considering asking her out, then do. Just keep in mind that her priority is her child, so if you make a date and she calls last minute to cancel cause her kid just broke out in chicken pox, don't take it too personally- that's her life. You never know, the experience could really open you up to new ideas about life that you hadn't thought about before- seeing things through a child's eyes.

Good luck
Alison

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 10:44pm

Both of these posts were so excellent that I truly have nothing further to add. Except that I would never change a thing in my life. Being a single mom is one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Why? Because it's one of the toughest, but most rewarding. I have a stronger bond to my children and I am a better person because of them. Would I still be married, I don't think I would be who I am today. I love who I am. I have things that a normal single woman doesn't or a married woman doesn't. I am single, but I have children, but no one can tell me what or what not to do. Most women my age who are not married and don't have children have a huge biological clock that starts ticking. By the time they reach 36 you can hardly hear yourself speak because it's ticking so loud. Those married with children have their own problems. So do we as single mom's, but we have to count on ourselves and not on anyone else and that makes us special. The longer I am out of a relationship, the longer I am enjoying every second just being single with my children. So much now that I can't imagine being in a relationship. I am perfectly happy how things are going now.

As for the woman who gets so much attention? Good for her! She is enjoying a little attention. It does us all good and she should. Again, is she only enjoying it or dating them? I know I get flocked on all the time. I just enjoy it, but I never date anyone at work (4,500 employees and 80% men), because I have a codex: Don't dip your pen in company ink.

Any man who see's a single woman with a child as a red flag is not worth dating in my book. We have so much more going on then any other woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 1:23am

I think you ought to realize that some women are naturally more "flirtatious" than others- single, married, or otherwise. Not saying it is right, wrong, or anything in between, but you must realize that the said woman's basking in attention is probably more characteristic of her personality (or her age, if she is very young) than her single motherhood. Just a clarification.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 12:18pm

Hi, I haven't read all the posts, but I think what I would tell you is that you should think of her as an individual. Not all single moms are the same.

If she "feeds off attention" that might tell you more about her personality than the fact that she's a mom. We're all different even though we have kids as a common denominator.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:41am

What kind of a game are you playing, to pay attention to her one day and avoid her the next?


To us WOMEN you

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:41pm
bravo candi! I was just going to post this sentiment almost exactly and then I read yours!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 3:02am
WAY TO GO BECKY! You said that perfectly!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:24am

I don't like the tone of this question. Sounds to me like he wants some sort of inside scoop so that he can manage to nail a woman who is good looking. I checked his bio to see if I was wrong and found that I wasn't. Sheesh. Here's what I found:

what I do
bang as many women as possible

my family
single and loving it

best advice I've ever received
never trust a women. Once she opens her mouth, she's already testing you

topics to ask me for advice on
women

achievement I'm most proud of
being me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 10:02am

I suggest this guy hop off this board before we tar and feather him.

Amy

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