Dating someone who is seperated?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Dating someone who is seperated?
5
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 1:21pm
Does anyone else have expereince with this? my divorce just came through, and i have been dating a very nice man for abouta month. he is seperated, but just started the divorce process. We are very open with each other about our spouses. Both of them know we are dating other people. We are planning on taking things slowly. Does anyone have any advice to share?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 2:32pm

Hi and welcome to the board! We have some very knowledgeable ladies here with lots of good advice. Personally, I would NEVER date someone who is separated. JMHO, but separated is still married. I know some people don't have a problem with it, but it just would never work for me

Here is a link to a posting about dating separated men.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlsolomother/?msg=8540.3

You can also go to Dating as a Single Parent and do a search on the One Year Rule.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-psdatesingle&nav=start

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 10:25am

I have dated men who have been just separated and, from my experience, it was not fun. I will not date a man who is just separated. I'm not saying that ALL separated men are alike. I think that everyone needs to take a break and not date for at least a year after being separated/divorce. I know that I started dating soon after separating from my ex and I could definitely tell I was not ready for a relationship where these guys were. I was having fun but I didn't want to get attached. Even some of the guys I dated were leery of my being just separated. I dated a guy who was newly separated from his wife and he had A LOT of baggage, not to mention that his soon-to-be ex was psycho. I didn't need the hassle and he let me know later on that he wasn't ready for anything serious.

Now, after 3 years of being single, I'm still debating on whether I am ready yet or not. I would love to have a relationship with someone but I question whether I am emotionally capable to handle someone else's feelings besides my own and my son's. I am independent anyway and like my space but I like having a special someone too. I guess what I'm trying to get at is, he may not be ready to put everything into a relationship that you want him to. HE may think he's ready but something may happen to change is mind.

Hope I helped some. Good luck!
Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:09am
I agree with these links and what everyone says so far. Would not touch it. Otherwise everything in the relationship is all about what they are going through - and not about you. Just don't want the instability, either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 6:33pm

I dated when I was first separated and it was fine for me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 11:48am

I dated when I was legally separated and I was NOT ready to date, even though at the time I felt I was. I ended up hurting the person who I was dating when I realized it was too soon for me to attempt a relationship.

My guiding principal for dating is this: only date men who are settled in life. That means, they have an established career (not job hopping and done with school). It also means that they aren't still married to another woman.