dating when you have custody
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dating when you have custody
| Sun, 06-17-2007 - 4:14pm |
So I am just getting back into the dating thing after being married for more than a decade. I have two small kids who are with their dad just about every other saturday night but with me all the rest of the time.
I am ready to start dating but not ready for them to see me dating. In the beginning I am sure I'll just arrange dates on nights they are with their dad but at some point am sure I'll want to see someone more than twice a month. How do you do this? Once things get physical, how do you not worry that your kids will wake up and walk in on you? Am I just freaked out over nothing?

Hi yayafan and welcome to our board. You have come to the right place - I am sure there are lots of tips to be shared with you - and probably more tomorrow as everyone starts checking in.
The first thing that popped in my head is that you will figure it all out as you go. Where there is a will, there is a way.
I see the greatest challenge in finding someone suitable to date. So just get out there and find a nice person who is really into you and who makes your heart go pitter patter and who is a nice stable guy.
And come back and report!
I totally agree the kids come first - they always do. And I don't want to do anything that upsets them. My kids are six and seven.
I have a friend who is interested in being more and I am interested as well. The kids already know him as my friend so they are used to seeing him and don't need to know it is anymore than what it has always been.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Hi there, and welcome. I haven't read ahead, so forgive me if I repeat anything that's already been said.
You don't say how old your kids are, but getting a sitter for them so you can go on a date is usually as big a treat for the kids as it is for you. This is provided you can find a fun, relaible sitter you can trust. I'm assuming that's possible, but if not, consider swapping kids with other mothers, asking family members for sleep overs, or arranging play dates during the day.
Once you've got the sitter thing figured out, dating isn't nearly as hard. Whether you're going on a date or just out for a movie with girlfriends, or lunch, shopping, whatever, taking time for you is good for both you and your kids. They learn that mothers are independent, happy people and you get some stress relief and a breather.
If they're already accustomed to you going out on occasion, they won't be at all freaked when you go out with a man. You don't have to tell them you're dating, or going out with anyone in particular- just they they get to see (insert favorite caregiver's name) and you'll see them in a few hours, or the morning, or whatever.
Many of us here have bridged the physial part of a relationship, and we all do it differently. What works for my family might not work for yours, but when I started having sleepovers, I made sure the children weren't there to begin with. Then by the time we were all there, I'd have already established a relationship between the guy and the kids. I also am a strict enforcer of the knocking rule- if a door's closed, you knock. My bedroom door happens to have a lock on it, although I rarely use it.
Good luck, and stick around, the women here are wonderful!
Moody, a big fan of the adult sleepover
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