Dating a younger guy...????

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Dating a younger guy...????
7
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 12:34pm

HI,

Haven't posted here for quite a while...but I thought it would be nice to get some input. I have never ever dated anyone younger than myself. He is about 8 yrs younger (I am 35)...my daughter is 4 so that's not too much of an issue (at least right now!). It just feels weird. I have always been attracted to "fixer-upers" (I am a caretaker by nature...but am fighting it wholeheartedly!!). And he seems to have it together for the most part....but....
Anyhow, just wondering if anyone out there has ever had a long term relationship with someone younger than themselves. Pros, cons, (ps immediate pro is this incredible body that is hard to come by with the men my age!!LOL oh well, gotta be honest!), "biggest mistake I ever made", ya know, stuff like that!! LOL. Not to mention is it EVEN feasible that someone younger could ever deal with being thrown into "family" life... (So far it has been great, the only reason I even agreed to spend time with him was because he was so cool about hanging out with my daughter... 1st time we went out he took my daughter and I to breakfast and ended up spending the whole day with us, including 3 hours at the mall playground (cuz it was raining outside) and did not leave til 9:00 pm that nite!!! It was so great to have someone who was cool with just spending time with us doing the "stuff we do"!)
Can't wait to hear what you all think!! Thanks! M

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 3:28pm

I have not really dated anyone younger but I have liked someone younger and would date him if I had a chance.

I don't think age is that big of a difference once you are past 25 or 26. As long as you are both on the same page with regards to what you want out of a relationship that is what is important!!

Enjoy and keep us posted!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 3:31pm
I've never dated a younger guy; just wanted to say that this guy sounds great! I wouldn't sweat the fact that he's younger than you. Sometimes I think if you dwell on one certain thing too much, especially if it's not really a problem, it just interferes with a really great relationship. Just relax & enjoy yourself. You go, girl!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 4:38pm

I don't have any personal experience dating younger men. I do have a friend who is dating a man that is 9 years younger than her. From what I can tell from her experience, younger men can be a lot of fun (and I don't mean sex stuff). They like going out and doing things.

I think you should look at the "fixer upper" aspect. Is this guy a fixer upper? That can happen if he's younger or older. That's not an age issue. I've fallen into that fixer upper trap before. I'm very nurturing and supportive and that's been my downfall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 1:23pm

Thank you so much for all your input!!!

It was nice to have some "support" for the idea of just having some fun!!! Somehow it seems easy to get caught up in "what if" games and I think when you're a single mom you sometimes feel like you have to be even "more perfect" than anyone else cuz you have so much responsibility... Sometimes I worry too much about what everyone else around me might be thinking (because you feel like they are judging you somewhat for your last mistake,ie the one that made you single!LOL).

Thanks for the support. Yes, I do have to watch out for the "fixer upper" stuff. I am cognizant of it and sometimes that is half the battle!!! Know thine enemy. I don't know if he falls into this yet or not. It is especially difficult for me to judge because I worry about "mothering" someone younger...but as I said, I really don't know yet and I am aware of that hole so will not fall into it blindly.

Otherwise it is a lot of fun -- Really really fun!! (No not just the sex stuff!) And I have to say it's a nice ego boost to have someone younger and really good looking want you!!! Gosh we all need that once in a while!!! (Makes all that working out and shopping with your 15 yr old ex-step daughter picking out your clothes that you're afraid to wear out in public worth while!!LOL)

Thanks everyone. Keep you posted!!! M

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 1:15pm

I am currently seeing a guy that is 11 years younger than me. I had no idea when I met him that he was that much younger. He looks much older than he is and his friends are all 1 or 2 years younger than me. For the most part things are going great. I have been seeing him for 5 months. I do see some things that in the back of my mind I say "Wow, he is younger". But that does not happen to often.

My biggest challenge is dealing with the outside people looking in, saying "what is she doing seeing that younger guy." People think that I am doing my 3 children harm. I am not. My children only know the guy I am seeing socially, as a friend of mommy's. And that is it. I just got divorced and want to wait some time before I introduce somebody into their lives.

The only other challenge I will continue to face is my own family. They do not approve. His family is very cool about the entire situation. But me and him come from completely different backgrounds. And I have never really seen eye to eye with some of my families views. So, the fact that they don't really support this is nothing that I didn't expect. But they are also not the type of people that would turn him away just because they don't accept the age thing. They would never be anything buy polite and nice to him. One step at a time.

But, if you feel it is right then go for it. Me and my guy get along just great and are having a great time. I couldn't ask for anything better.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 4:02pm
Yea!! Thanks for the post!
It's great to hear from someone in the same shoes. Yeah, I don't know how to tell my family, but same as yours, they wouldn't really have anything awful to say (and it's not really anyones business but ours -- right!!) All of my friends have been very supportive (although they call him my "boy-toy" just to tease me!!)
Thanks again...keep me updated :)
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 4:15am

Hiiii,
I'm 33, but everyone keeps pegging me for 26-28. Therefore, I automatically get younger guys that want to date me. I've dated men 12 years younger to 3 years younger. I have tried to date guys older than myself, but they all seem so lame or have just wayyyyyyyyy to much baggage. The dating a younger guy accidently started 2 years ago and just kept going. The younger guys are sooooooooooo much more fun. The only thing is, I break up with them for various reasons, that you might not have.

Main reason, is kids. Alot of them want to date me, but not be a part of my kids ORRRRR, they want their own children one day and even though I want more children, I don't want to be known as the woman with 3 children from 3 different men. Without knowing my background and reasons, it just sounds AWFUL. I'll be 34 soon and my bioclock is getting up their. I would love to have more children, but I just don't want to carry around the scarlet letter and I don't want the fear of raising more children on my own if the next guy doesn't work out. I waited 5 years into the marriage to have my 2nd child and he left because of her. Therefore, it just isn't a GTD. I also don't think I want to do the diapering anymore because I want my old career back and go back and get my degree. At this stage of my life, that is very important. I love being a mom and I've done the best, but I know I can give them more and I want them to see that education is important.

However, if I were to meet a man that is younger, that can deal with not having more children, then yes, I would consider keeping him. Somehow, I just feel it's unfair to them to expect them to only accept mine and not be able to give them one of their own. Does that make sense?

One thing I have done lately, is lay down the line. For instance...... When I meet them, I tell them about my children and I tell them, that I don't want anymore children and even though we are not dating, I want them to know, where I stand right off the bat. It kind of floors them, but then they think it's cool, because I get that out of the way straight in the beginning and they know where they stand and I know where I stand before we get involved. I met a guy over a week ago in North Carolina. Really nice, but 28 no kids. We had such a blast together, we were totally silly, we goofed off like a couple of kids, but I made it crystal clear that I was only on vacation right now and in 7 weeks my life will look TOTALLY different. We kept talking in strange cryptic messages about each other like: "hypothetically or theoretically speaking if we did start dating or were in a relationship......" We ended up just boiling it down to, let's just see what happens and not put much thought into the moment. I feel better that way. I don't really want to start thinking of dating anyone, because I am going to be sooooooooo busy with searching for a job, the girls, getting totally organized, my dad and alex's dad visiting, etc. etc. I will be just as happy to have a friend and I know that he would be one. He called me last night to let me know if he can help me move or anything, that he would be more than glad to help. I thought that was really cool and a very sincere offer.

Hope this guy works out for you. By the way, TOTALLY know what you mean about the whole BODY thing and the whole Ego boost. It's pretty awesome, isn't it? LOL I love it everytime.

- Catherine