Dating Young/Single Men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Dating Young/Single Men?
19
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:47pm

Hi, I have been single for seven years and have two young sons. We have been doing generally well on our own. I have dated some from match.com, but not anyone seriously. I had resigned myself to being single, partially because I live in an area where it is difficult to meet men, partially because I have a pretty good life now, and partially because I have trust issues from an abusive marriage.

Now it appears that I may have a date with a younger man (by 6 years) from my school. I have known him for a year casually. We went out last week, which we had talked about doing for a year and finally got around to making plans. Afterwards, I suggested coffee or lunch sometime and he mentioned a movie together this week. Is this a date or friends? I think it's a date, which makes me wonder- why me?

Why would an educated, attractive, never married, younger man want to date a currently unemployed single mom? Boy that sounds negative!

I know that I have good qualities, but it seems like most men wouldn't want to deal with kids. Anyone have experience with this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 2:24pm

IMO, I think younger men are attracted to the maturity and emotional stability of an older woman. Like you said, you are happy with yourself. That is attractive to any age. I've read several articles about this because Ive dated younger men, too. I feel confident about what I like and I'm not looking to get married or have someone "take care of me". Younger men find that attractive. Six years is not that big of a difference anymore... To me, that's totally in the range of datable!!

Yes, I watch out for the ones who are looking for a "mama" to take care of them. But other than that... go out on this DATE. Have fun. Enjoy his company and don't think too far ahead. Be yourself. BTW, what age are we talking about if you don't mind me asking? I'm 34 and I've dated as young as 22. But 27 is the average... and that's 7 yrs younger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:46pm

Hi, Thanks for the reply. I am 37 years old and I think this man is 31. I do know that he graduated college six years after I did. We have quite a bit in common, but I don't understand why the kids aren't a deal breaker. My sister says it's because he doesn't know what he getting into! LOL

I sometimes wonder if it's worthwhile to date. Does it ever last? Now that's negative.

Wow, loonybunny, I have mostly dated older guys and that gets a little tiring, since they are mostly divorced with kids and overweight - wait that sounds terribly prejudiced. But really, I don't want to be a step mom (been there, done that) so my choices are limited.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 5:23pm

I would definitely date a younger guy - and have in the past.

I think he likes you as a person. And he doesn't mind the kids - some men do and some men don't.

I would think the attraction to an older woman is that she is secure, has things in common, can carry a good conversation, is not as all-self-centered as a younger woman and appreciates him and makes him feel wanted.

GO have fun and report back!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 8:41pm

I think in general, men of all ages date people they're attracted to. This doesn't necessarily mean physically, although I'm sure that helps. There must be something about you that is attractive to him. Don't sell yourself short. On the other hand, it could be that he's looking for an easy lay. I don't think so, but I tend not to look for the negative in people.

Moody- who's open to possibilities, everywhere, in everyone


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 12:07am

Hi,

How do I feel young and sexy with this younger sexy guy? I feel like a mom, although at least I'm still in decent shape (fairly thin, fairly toned). And I see wrinkles and hair cropping up in weird places when I look in the mirror. Can you tell I'm not aging gracefully?

Oh and just let me mention my breasts which used to be quite perky and now droop (size 36D). I don't even like to go bra-less ever. I've had three guys (yes three, not including my nasty ex) tell me that my breasts were scary/saggy. I have thought about having a breast lift, but may have more children which would reverse the effect.

I know that I need to be kinder about my appearance. I just used to be so much closer to perfect when I was 24. It's been downhill since then. Though at least I'm better educated now (and wiser, I hope).

Thanks for the support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:03am

Hi

I'm usually a lurker on this great board, but had to join in this conversation to give you encouragement.

I am a (just) 38-year old single mom of two little ones, aged 8 and 6. My SO is 31 years old, never married, and everything is turning out well for us. We dated for over a year, took things slowly, and he moved in with us a couple of months ago. Like Judy said, there are some guys who mind about the kids, and some who don't. And we learn to weed out those that are just in the relationship for a good time. Of course there are moments when I worry about being more wrinkly than him, but I try to remember a comment an old college friend said when she first met my SO "WOW, Clemmy, you must be soooo foxy". That made me laugh, and she's right.

I just see it as being lucky I have a gorgeous younger man, who loves me, and us, enough to take on the challenge of a ready-made family, and he is lucky to have a woman and family who love him and enhance his life.

As long as you are up front from the beginning, and have confidence in yourself, there is nothing that would make a relationship with a younger man any different from one with someone closer to your age.

Good luck, and first and foremost enjoy yourself. Don't worry about your body - most people have bits they don't like, and that is not the most important thing. He's obviously interested in you for you.

C. xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:50am

Well, we all have signs of aging.

Not all younger women are buff looking movie star types - some are sloppy and don't take care of themselves. And not all of the ones who are wild and hot are the right ones in the brains/kindness/mature department. If he wanted a hot bod he would be down in the nightclub looking for it - as I read one time on a board - he can find THAT anywhere.

And you can do a LOT to overcome what you describe. There are good pushup bras and nice little nighties that accent YOU and make you feel special - time to clean out your closet and only wear what makes you feel good about you!!

The right man for you will see only the good. The wrong one will pick you apart and only find what he regards as bad and not care about how he makes you feel - usually this is the one who wants to jump in the sack right away to relieve his physical needs. Just make sure you discern which one he is before you get intimate - always a good and safe idea for dating anyway.

Sit back and see what HE DOES. Is he calling ahead of time and wanting to impress you to take you somewhere special or some place you would like? Does he become enamored with what you say and want to hear more about you and what you are doing?

You are your own worst critic!! We all are about ourselves!!

The next time you are out - find an attractive older woman who just shines with the way she laughs and smiles and talks to other people. Notice how the slight gray to her hair or wrinkles show signs of experience and beauty. It is the shine of the person from the inside that really makes them admirable and beautful in a deep kind of way. I have a few friends like that and I really admire them and know that an older woman can be very attractive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 12:29pm

My ex boyfriend was 6 years younger and childless. It's not the age it's where he's at in life mentally/spiritually;etc that you have to pay close attention to. You have to gage if he's really into you, does he listen to you, have genuine concerns and caring about what's important to you, that's what you have to be on the look out for.
As far as the sags and all that, do what I did and learn to make peace with yourself.
I'm middle aged overweight with sags, bags and all that, but I don't give it a second thought and find myself very sexy and desirable. It can't be that bad as I am a part time, plus size model and all my imperfections get air brushed anyway! :-) You will literally drive yourself crazy if you obsess about your flaws, I work with georgeous men and women and they find themselves to be unatractive, so if they think that way about themselves, imagine the rest of us. I think dealing with these young, insecure kids gave me the insight and freedom to release myself from the hung up on my looks bondage(because if you seriously think about it-that's what it is).

No one is perfect-set yourself free. You will live a much better, stress free life for it.

Nothing is hotter than a confident woman!

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 7:53pm

It's okay to post your insecurities here. Just make sure that negative thinking doesn't come out during a date. If you're unemployed, maybe getting a job would be more of an ego boost for you than trying to date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:22pm

Hi,
Definitely, having a career is much better than relying on men for your self esteem. However I just finished an advanced degree at an Ivy League school in November (while being a single mom to two little boys - that was a challenge!), so I don't think I need an ego boost about my job situation yet. I have a few job prospects, but have been resolved to waiting until after the New Year before I find anything worthwhile.

I tend to be very positive about life and happy generally. However I know that I can be self deprecating. I am going to focus on being confident. I do feel insecure about my looks as I've gotten older. I used to model when I was in my teens (but I wasn't happy with my looks then either). I need to focus on being strong and healthy and not worry about the little wrinkles. I used study martial arts and that really helped - I always felt like I could kick butt!

I have a date? scheduled for Friday night. I just wonder why he would want to deal with a single mom. But maybe that's because I wouldn't want to deal with it - too much baggage.

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