DEBATE! At what point...
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DEBATE! At what point...
| Sun, 01-02-2005 - 11:16am |
At what point do you let your kids know you and your S.O are sleeping in the same bed?
| Sun, 01-02-2005 - 11:16am |
At what point do you let your kids know you and your S.O are sleeping in the same bed?
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I never made it an issue. When Justin first slept over, I told Nicolas that he was going to spend the night. He said, "oh, with you in your bed?" I said yes, and he was fine with that.
Since Justin is now living with us, the transition has gone really smoothly from "just staying over" to "living with".
That's my point.
Alison
That is a cute story!!
And yeah for you to have a Justin in your bed!!
"And yeah for you to have a Justin in your bed!!"
ROTFLMAO!!!
Kim
Kim
Well, I admit I didn't exactly tell Ty that J and I slept in the same bed. He just found out because we gradually went from either Ty and I sharing J's bed and he slept on the couch when we stayed at his place, OR J sleeping on my couch when we were at my place...to sharing the bed. It seemed a natural development for us. BUT, I think now that DS is 10 and knows a lot more, I would not do that until he was either A) not in the house for the night or B) we were married.
He never seemed bother by it.
My dd is 4 1/2 and she accidently met my bf when he slept over and she woke up really early and we couldn't get him out of the house without her seeing him. Since then he has slept over about once every other week. We always did the family bed when I was married and she still sleeps with me now. But when she's there, I usually sleep in her room with her as opposed to her being in my bed (she has a full sized bed). I am up before her most days, so when my bf sleeps over she thinks he slept in my room and I slept with her, and that I was up early (in other words, she doesn't know I'm coming from my room when she wakes up, or that I slept there with my bf).
I am not sure how much to explain to her at this point. She thinks my bf is there to play with her, as her friend. We were on our way to a friend's house yesterday and she wanted to have her little friend come sleep over. I said maybe soon. She said, "It's no fair, the only person I ever get to have sleep over is "
When I was married there was not much closeness, plus she had just turned 3 when we separated. She always has me one on one and she has no concept of what it means for mommy to have a bf. We haven't been affectionate in front of her other than to hug goodbye. So I guess that is why she assumed he's there to be her friend. This is all new to me so I'm not sure if I am doing it right, or if I should explain what dating is to her now.
I think you are doing very well. Your dd doesn't need more info than a child her age can handle and as long as SHE seems content, I think you're ok.
She is TOO cute to say that she only gets to have your b/f stay over, thinking that he's there for her. What a doll! ;)
When James and I were first spending alot of time together, I didn't have custody of my kids so it wasn't a big issue. Once he started spending time around the kids, we did have a "sleepover" over here at what is now our place and each kid had a couch and he and I slept on the mattress we dragged out onto the floor. Of course, my ds who was then about 4 1/2 slept mostly between us.
I never made it a point to hide the fact that he and I slept in the same bed and my dd and I had already had discussions about sex by the time she met James. I did talk to them at length about what it would mean when we all moved in here together and made sure they understood that James and mommy would be sharing a bedroom because we loved each other and wanted to be together at night. Of course, my then about 7 year old dd pipes up with "but I love you too and I want to be with you at night too". So of course we had to AGAIN go through the different types of love discussion. Kids don't get things 100% the first time around. I don't care how savvy they are. ;) Especially when talking in abstracts v.s. their real world.
I've never once had my kids voice any problems with James and my relationship or the fact that we share a bed. And believe me, I have asked. I would never want them to harbor bad feelings they couldn't share with me or confusion they didn't feel comfortable enough to voice.
So was this just a hypothetical Kim or are you dealing with this now?
Tara
It was mostly hypothetical....
We were in Flagstaff this weekend at the cabin with our friends.
Kim
Kim:
Good question. I'm not really sure how I would handle it, and I really don't even want to think about it until I have to, because I know it won't be easy for me. If things continue to work out for Mark and I, it is a bridge I will have to cross at some point in time because Mark lives 1 1/2 hours from my house. Before when we were dating, when the kids were with their dad, he would stay at my house or I would stay at his house.
I know my kids love me, and I know my son only wants to protect me, but this "I don't want mommy to date anyone" is getting to be a bit much. Since Mark has been back in my life, I haven't said anything to the kids about it. Last Monday night when I was at counseling, Mark called and my son picked up the phone. When I got home he was all excited to tell me that Mark called. He told me that he had a conversation with him about Christmas and our cats. And my son told me that he wanted to ask Mark if we could all go to dinner, but Mark hung up before he could get the sentence out. I thought, well, that's good. At least he's excited about him calling. That didn't last long. On New Years Day, my son had a friend over. He was asking me about my cats and why I named my one cat Junior. I said that when I got my cats, I was dating Mark, and that Junior looked just like Mark's cat, Simon, so I said he was Simon Jr., but Junior just stuck. Alex got all upset. He said, "dating, dating, you're not supposed to be dating anyone". I told him to relax because that was a long time ago. And now whenever Mark calls for me and the kids are still awake, they act as obnoxious as they can. I usually tell him I'll call him back when the kids are asleep. It just bothers me because they say stuff like, "Are you talking to your boyfriend", or "I don't want you to talk to your boyfriend". My kids are obviously jealous, and I'm really not sure why. I know once they meet Mark, they will love him. I just want to wait a while before I do that until I we are more stable in this relationship. I don't want the kids to get attached to someone if he won't be around long.
Sorry, I went off topic a little -- it's just this has been bugging me lately. I love my kids and I always put them first, but I also deserve to have a life outside of them. I probably need to talk to my kids, but I'm just not sure what to say. I really didn't want them to even know about Mark yet, but now they do. And they don't seem to be very happy about it. Oh well, just one more bridge to cross over.
Donna
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