Did you find that....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Did you find that....
7
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 12:06am

...after you became single, you either quickly or over time became more attractive or better looking than when you were with your former SO/H?

I've been separated six months now (8&1/2 months preg. too) and I'm getting a lot of compliments about how "good" I look in the last couple of months. That's so bizarre, because that NEVER happened when I was with my STBX-H (15 long years). I might enjoy being single for a while at risk of being totally puffed up.

Even today I nearly swooned, I'm in WalMart of all places and those ever present fundraisers at the door were actual 30ish hunky men (suckered me in), so one asked me (as well as others passing), to donate to "help poor children in the area" - Awe!!! - I had about 4$ in "twonies" in my purse I usually only pay stuff with a debit card, but for drop dead gorgeous I'd give up the coffee fund and then some any day. About a 1/2 hour later I'm leaving WM (preschooler DD holding my hand and baby belly out to kingdom come) and the guy was ear to ear smiles (truly melted my heart) and says "Thanks again" - I'm like "No problem", that's all, really eloquent, because in my mind I'm thinking how does he remember me in the din of all the people at wally world? And he had a lot of money in that big bin of his - lol.

I'm not really doing anything dif. other than buying the odd inexpensive jewellery off e-bay and in cheaper stores, etc. My clothes are still a bit ratty and really need to be burned after the baby comes - lol. I'm looking at older pictures of me and see a person who's frumpy and plain looking, but while preg. I'm gaining very little weight therefore I think my body has lost weight. Really strange, I'm not consciously doing anything to better myself (yet) as I'm preg. and am taking it easy.

Any others here find that you "blossomed" after leaving your LT SO's?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 1:25am
The best revenge is livin' well and lookin' great!
Oh yeah, I look sooo much better now that I am out of that bad marrage. I used to be about 180 lbs, shortish mousey brown hair, mom jeans, oversized tshirts to hid the leftover baby belly-you know, the whole dumpy frumpy housewife look. As soon as he left, I bought an Eliptical trainer (got down to 118 lbs), grew my hair out, colored my hair strawberry blonde, bought a new wardrobe, bleached my teeth, then enrolled in college-I changed big time. He was begging to come back before the divorce was even final-too bad jerk! Thats what he gets for screwing around with someone else!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 8:34am

OH YES!!

When I was done breastfeeding, I was 23 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. I think this is because I was more sedentary with a baby and plus I was at a desk all day instead of running around a kitchen for 14 hours. And exh and I just never did anything active.

When I would want to go out for a 2 mile jog, EXH (we were still married at the time) did not like that I was wanting to do that - what are you too good for us? I couldn't understand his thinking and jealousy.

But when he left I went full bore - joined a runner's club so I could be faster at a 5K, found a group of triathletes and fell in love with the sport. The result? I went from a size 12 to a size 2/4 and LOVE it - would never give it up.

Plus, my young latin babysitters/friends have helped me find and wear a whole new wardrobe that is hot. Hello Victorias Secret, Hollisters, American Eagle and Abercrombie!

Also, I spent a lot of money on my teeth - getting them bleached and all fillings changed to white. When I turned 40 I had some glamour shots done and it is like wow - I felt like a movie star.

I don't ever plan to go back to the housewife state of appearance ever again!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 8:58am

Happiness is attractive. When we're happy, we feel better, which automatically makes us look better.

I know when my ex and I split, I lost over 100 pounds. I also started moving, found my social life again, bought clothes that fit me and showed my personality, and just was much happier all around.

I also started taking the time to care about my appearance- goodbye mom jeans, hello cute skirts and tops and shoes. I got a really great haircut, have since changed my hairstyle many times, invested in cosmetics that I enjoy using, and subscribed to a fashion magazine... little things that perked me up.

I have started hobbies I never would have, and taken some much-needed me time, which wouldn't have been possible in that relationship.

I can barely remember the person I was, but I know she wasn't ever this happy.

Moody, not losing herself ever again


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 9:57am

I'm happier and more secure which is a huge turn on for guys. I'm a runner and workout at least 4 days a week and am happy on my own so I'm not sad and desparate.

While dating I never really had trouble attracting men even though some of them were jerks, but I think just being independent and in good shape attracts people.

I don't care too much about "cutting edge" clothes and most men like a low maintenance woman, she's more approachable! This morning I went to the store before work in a baseball cap, jeans and old cowboy boots and got a lot of attention!! That rolled out of bed look really works. I care more about keeping in shape than perfect hair and nails.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 11:24am
Oddly enough, I feel more attractive. I dress up more and I feel lighter. I guess that's what happens when you lose the dead weight!! lol
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 11:38am
When I met my XH I dressed very sharp. Long hair, sexy, fit and as time went by my XH would keep saying he didn't like me wearing make-up, or my clothes, excercise or my hair long. It turned out he didn't want me to be me and in time I changed to be wanted he wanted me to be. I wore the sweats he wanted me in, no make-up and chopped off all of my hair to look like Liza Minelli. LOL. Well, later, after he left, he told everyone I changed so much from how I used to be. That I no longer looked like me and everyone of course agreed. I swore NEVER again. When we separated. I went out and bought my old style, grew out my hair, excercised again, wore make-up and everytime he saw me, he would say how gorgeous I looked. I knew it drove him NUTS.
I've learned never to change for anyone again. I will do only what I feel like doing. If you don't like it, leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 5:24pm
I wish I could blame my frumpiness on H, but when we started out he actually took me to a martial arts class and within a few years even he was awed by my muscular legs and better ability than him to do stomach crunches. We actually ebbed and flowed together - gaining and losing weight almost simultaniously - we did suzanne sommers diet together too and he did better than me on that. At the end he got a good "career" job and left me (the SAHM) in his dust. So, I can't honestly blame him for me losing myself, I think I might have even conciously kept unattractive because of some strange obligation to H and my marriage - boy was I totally wrong. It's still bittersweet because I can't still enjoy being single (just thinking of my DD's makes me very melancholy). So, personally it's been only improving. I still think the kids deserve more dad than they're getting, but life is not ever going to be perfect.