Did younger guy just ask me out?
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| Sat, 09-01-2007 - 11:27am |
I'm 45 - John is 27. We worked together & got along great. I often felt he was flirting w/me - but always dismissed it thinking "Don't flatter yourself! You're old enough to be his mother" And I am - I have a 25 yr old son.
He quit months ago. Yesterday he emailed me @ work to say he missed me "I know you will probably say no, but please let me take you out". Was he asking me out on a date - he lived w/gf when he quit. Then Dave, another co-worker, told me (w/raised eyebrows) he & John were out drinking last nite & were talking about me.
So that explains it - John was drunk - looked more closely - email sent @ 12am.
I email & ask if he was drunk when he sent this - he said "yeah, but that doesn't change how I feel" I ask if he wants to plan a get together with other people from work (trying to determine if this was a "date") - "No - he sees enough of Dave - he just wants to see me". He asked for my home email address so we could make plans. Our work sometimes reads our emails - so I gave it to him - would rather discuss in privacy that have our IT dept read my emails.
OK, I admit I have a huge crush on John but always brushed it off due to the age thing - not to mention the gf. Now, here he is - seeming to be asking me out on a date. Maybe he broke up with gf - not sure.
Thoughts are racing through my mind - I'm excited at the posibility that he's attracted to me & wants to go out. Then I think maybe he's thinking "Great - now I have to take her dinner because I sent an email while drunk". Then I think - if he is attracted to me I'd feel like a fool kissing him - I'd always be thinking "I must look like a fool! I'm too old for him!" At the same token I've always thought "If only John was my age - we would definetly make a good couple."
He said he'd email me at home to make plan - haven't heard from him - then again it is only Sat morning - guess I should give him more time. I'm really doubting myself here - Does it sound like he's asking me out? Could he really be attracted to someone 20 years older? Maybe this is all a big joke? Should I go - or would I look like a fool?
Ohhhh - I don't know what to make of this. What do you think?

Ahhh - what a dilemma you are in. I can understand your confusion because I did have a crush on a younger guy. And the same thoughts went through my head that you write here - only in my case it never materialized because he never did ask me out.
On the encouragement side, I can say that age gap relationships are much more common these days - I think we are all watching Demi Moore and her young stud and they are even married! And it never hurts to go on one date. Why not?
On the caution side, I think I would want to discuss the age issue right off the bat and not beat around the bush with it. And I would want to know if he wants more kids - because that would be the only real deal breaker - because at 45 your options are limited and if your own child is 25 then you are probably not real keen on the whole baby, diapers, toddler stage thing again.
There is a May-December relationship board here. Not that we want to push you away at all - I want you to stay and keep us posted on this one!!
I mean, if you think he is a real match, beyond the crushy feeling thing, then it could be worth a chance? If you have common interests - that is a good start.
20 and 30 somethings are a little different than 40 somethings with regards to making plans, spending money, thinking about the future, music, stuff like that. It could be good or it could leave you feeling like you cannot connect - I think it depends on the people.
I think you're both adults who no longer work together who share a mutual attraction.
I also think if you're both available, who not meet him for dinner? I would confirm that his relationship is over prior to setting any plans up, but if you're attracted to him, he's attracted to you, why not meet for dinner?
There's nothing saying you have to kiss him. There's nothing saying you can't. Look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher- and I seriously doubt a lot of people think SHE'S a fool- but guess what- I doubt she gives a hoot one way or another, as she's happy, he's happy, and it's none of the rest of the world's business.
As for the age thing- if it bothers you, you shouldn't go on a date with him. However, please don't let anyone else prevent you from what would probably be a good time, and may end up being more than that.
I personally don't have a problem with it in theory. I haven't ever met a man even a month younger than me who I was willing to spend time with, but that was those men, not their ages. I have also met men twenty years older than my father who were not right for me- I don't think age is a big a deal as it once was- especially since it is just dinner.
Good luck, and let us know what happens!
Moody, who's more into Bruce than Ashton
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I'm just chiming in about the age thing.... When I got back into dating a year ago and a lot of younger guys were hitting on me and that just seemed to be the pool of guys I tend to meet.... okay it was weird at first... but now, a year later after always dating younger guys... it doesn't bother me at all... I'm 35 and the average age that i've dated in the past year is 27...
I also read an article that said... with an older woman/younger man .... appreciate what is different about each other rather than what you have in common....
have fun at dinner....
Loonybunny
Any word?
I mentioned that I wouldn't be turned off if a guy 27 or 28 asked me out (I'm 35), but anything younger would creep me out. I don't want more children in my life and I certainly don't want a male who is a child either. I had that once and though he was the sweetest and sexiest man, I decided I had to let it go.
Well - the suspense was killing me that he didn't email me over the weekend. So finally on Monday I emailed him to say what's up & if you are feeling like you made a mistake sending that email to me don't worry about - I hope we can still keep in touch because we get along so great.
He finally emailed me later that day - said he was busy over the weekend - he just got new furniture delivered & a new tv, but still wants to go out next weekend. He also said once again that he never felt that he made a mistake by emailing me.
I'm going to go but I still wonder what his intentions are - is this a date or just a get together? It just seems like a date to me with him saying stuff like "there's nobody special like you here at my new job" and "I'd almost give all the extra money I'm making back to have one more conversation with you". Sounds like a date - right?
I'll let you know what happened. Right now I'm on cloud 9 because a guy I really like actually asked me out. Not to mention that him being nearly 20 years younger really makes me feel great.