A Distrubance in the Force

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
A Distrubance in the Force
21
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 3:02pm

So Cute Widow and I had a bit of a … how can I describe it? … not an argument or tiff or even a disagreement… but it felt we were separating or stepping away as the result of this.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 3:07pm

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 3:33pm

I dunno, everyone can have a bad day with their kid... but if it's something that's constantly a "problem" and there's constant venting/ negative comments, I would be weary too.


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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 3:33pm

I understand the gender difference about just venting versus fixing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 3:41pm

I think Isys makes a very good point about women and men conversing differently.


Mark, you are so good at owning your feelings, but in all honesty, this is a new thing for most people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 3:55pm

Hmm. I guess what sort of stuck with me here is that she said "now I have to censor what I say to you". I see that as almost a manipulation (even thought she does not mean for it to be) to get you to say/feel/react how she wants you to. She knows you need to hear her true feelings so cutting you off from her real feelings is almost like a threat?


Since you are very real with your feelings and own them I would think that she might need to give you the same in return. Non judgemental reactions. Even is she doesn't like the way you respond, you are allowed to be you just as she is allowed to be her. KWIM?

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:04pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:08pm

"A challenge in close relationships for me is that I start assuming that the other person is on the same page or knows the same things after sharing stuff that is similar and have read the same books."


That's true.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:42pm

Mark,


As one of the widows on this board, I thought I'd throw out my 2 cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:49pm
Thanks for the backup Angie- I didn't want to seem like I was being insensitive to a young widow in this case.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:58pm

Thanks Angie.

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