Do we *have* to get married?

Avatar for incognito_mosquito
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Do we *have* to get married?
15
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:55am

Why can't we just date and maintain seperate households forever? I told him this was as far as I'd want to ever go when we first met, and he's always said that's ok, but then he says things like, "You know, even though it's ok if we never get married, I'd do it in a second if you asked." and "In ten years I see us living together." This leads me to beleive he may want to get married more than he is willing to tell me.

I told him he could buy or rent a condo in my building if he wanted, but I *need* my own space, and full control of my financial situation. Right now, if he doesn't wash his dishes for a few days, or if he procrastinates on doing his taxes, that is HIS problem. I do not want to make it my problem. I do not want to fight about these things with him *ever*. I don't want his ugly bachelor stuff in my house, and I don't think he'd be happy living with my very very feminine decor, despite whatever he may say.

I love him deeply, and I think he's a wonderful person. He treats me like gold, and he treats my daughter like gold. I want him in my life forever, but not in my house. I'm too picky. I'm not willing to make any concessions about these things. We're happy now. Why does he want to go and mess it up by getting married?

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Avatar for incognito_mosquito
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 10:52pm
Thanks for the link to that thread! In answer to your question, I am divorced after being married for five years, and I was only 20 when I got married. It wasn't a horrible marriage, just not the right one for me, and since I've been on my own I fon't feel willing to give up any of the freedom I have, or deal with any of the issues of sharing finances.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 11:08pm

Hey there Sister!

I don't blame you for feeling that way AT ALL!!! I've been a bachlorette for most of my life! AND I LOVE IT!!!!

Right now, I have an 8 1/2 month old. And we're pretty happy together.

I think if I had a man living with me, he would expect me to be what HE would want me to be. And that's not fair to me, or my son. I need to be who I AM to be happy with myself, AND to be a good mom to my son.

My son has made me the strongest that I've ever been!!!

So stick to your own guns and don't get married unless you WANT TO!!!

Love and hugs,

Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 1:31am

Hi there!


I think a lot of people feel the way you do.

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Avatar for incognito_mosquito
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:31am
Right now he says he doesn't care if we ever get married, but I'm afraid he'll change his mind at some point in the future (or at the very least want to live together) and I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to marry him just to keep him either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 7:53am

But you are worrying about something that may never happen.

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