Do we have to talk about it?
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Do we have to talk about it?
| Sat, 01-12-2008 - 8:02am |
My BF and I have been together almost 2 years and he keeps bringing up the subject of engagement.
| Sat, 01-12-2008 - 8:02am |
My BF and I have been together almost 2 years and he keeps bringing up the subject of engagement.
I hear ya!!! I'm in the same boat!
With Hiker and I, it's exactly like that! Except neither one of us is pressuring the other to talk about it. We just date when we can, and enjoy it for what it is. And we know neither one is looking for anything else (with anyone else) but we just simply want to date and be together... without being TOGETHER all the time.
We also have too many kids (more like little grandkids for him) to blend households and expect anyone to FIT in either house. So we just do our own thing, own our own houses, and just let things BE. Because it works!
I think in my situation, I'm probably more like your BF, isysmoon. I would probably be okay with an engagement (but with no wedding date setting for looong while) just to have that little outward sign of additional commitment. Something others can see, during the times when they can't see us together to see the commitment of "us". Or something like that. But I'd be in NO rush to get married and blend! Do you think that if you guys got engaged, that your BF would be pushing for the wedding date, too?
Don't ever think you're "odd" for wanting what you want (and already have)! It's not for everyone, but it works for you- so that's what counts!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I'm in the same boat, but neither of us are talking engagement. Of course our families are hinting for that, but we like things the way they are. Neither of our households could accommodate all our kids and I would totally get insecure if I didn't have complete financial independence. Neither M nor I want to put our kids through the blended family thing and since my boys are almost totally on their own (S19's out for now, one will graduate HS in 2009) we will probably revisit the issue in a few years. Coincidentally, my alimony ends the same month M's D12 graduates from HS so I suppose we'll have to think about whether we both want that kind of commitment again at that time.
Maybe your BF is just reassuring himself, that there is a commitment for a longer term. Maybe he is trying to reassure you that he wants to be around for the long haul. Maybe he perceives engagement as the logical progression of the relationship and he's just trying to test your response. He's not going to officially ask until he gets a good feeling that the answer would be yes. If the subject is bothering you it's time for a talk. It is totally OK to just continue the way things are forever. I know a couple in their 70's who have this exact arrangement. They each maintain their own homes and finances but otherwise are a committed couple.
At least my X will most likely wait until S16 is off to college before marrying OW. I know when he was cheating on me he told her he'd divorce me at that point. But then D3 came along and all bets were off. At least my boys will be spared the stepmom from Hades.
QueenBun
My take is that any relationship where either party feels free to talk stuff is a good relationship regardless on how the other party feels about the subject. Don't we always say that communication is the key for a good relationship? It's not always about sharing feel good feelings.
It sounds that you have not told him how you have felt about being engaged so it makes sense that he "keeps bringing it up." I believe that we all have differences and one of the keys to a good relationship is how we work with and deal with the differences.
You BF has communicated to you what he wants. Now it's your turn. And then you both have laid out a starting point for a meaningful discussion.
Mark
---
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Thanks for your input.
"My girlfriends think it's nuts and they think I should be demanding that we move in together.
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I do value and respect marriage, I do...
I would venture that it's because you respect marriage that you've taken the position you have.
I know people that have been married and divorced 2 or 3 times and I just don't want to make that mistake.
That icon is my hand, waving, waving, waving for some Thin Mints!!!!!
(Oh, why do the Girl Scouts sell such evil (but yummy) cookies that get in the way of my fitness workouts?!??)
Ah, but they are just speed bumps. I eat them... and then I keep on moving (to get rid of them) lol
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
A box will be winging its way to you shortly.