Do you believe a 21 yr mother…
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| Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:13pm |
should misbehave even if she is young?
There is this female coworker at the office who is a single mother of 21 yrs old. Her son is only 1 yrd old and a half. The baby’s father was the only boyfriend she ever had for 4 yrs, but they are not an item anymore, the minute she became a mother, he simply went away, so she is a single mother and she is the only one supporting her kid along with her parents that also help her. This lady used to work at a branch office the company has in another city, I mean she has lived almost her entire life in that city, that is why she was working there. In that city, her parents live. When she was living there, she did not like have the freedom to go out and have fun like any regular young lady, She did go out with her coworkers to pubs , but since she has a baby to take care, she did not have a lot of freedom to do so.
For work reasons she moved downtown to where the main offices are. But she moved by herself, she left her baby back home with her parents in the other city but she visits him every weekend of each week I mean until she finds a nanny downtown who can take care of her kid while she is working, she will bring her son to live with her not before. In the meantime she found an apartment just recently who she shares with 3 boys and just another lady.
Last Friday this lady invited some of her coworkers (just like 4 people) to go and visit her new place to live. I went to that gathering. The thing is that this lady now because she is living by herself, independent, no parents who can watch her and can lecture her, she is taking advantage of that freedom so she is doing what she wants and she is misbehaving on the weekends. She likes to drink, stay up very late at night during the weekends when she goes to pub to have fun, like any regular 21 yrd old lady and her roommates are just the same; party people who like to drink and have fun. Since I went to this gathering and I don’t drink too much I just drink little I noticed that she behaves like she forgets she is a mother already and have a kid. I saw her kind of drunk, talking nonsense things. At that small gathering she invited besides us other friends of her roommates that we did not know.
There was music and we all dance a bit and this lady, danced very sensual to one of her roommates, he was a bit drunk also when they danced together, he moved her in some very sensual moves, touched her body and this lady was all dressed very skimpy, even if she was at home. She had a backless shirt and very very tiny shorts with high heels. She dressed like that because after the gathering there were plans to go out and continue to party at some pub. Other lady coworkers, who she invited, were her close buddies, and they were wearing miniskirts and were also drinking at the gathering. The day before they went to a pub to have some drinks and agreed each other to wear miniskirt for the house gathering.
So dressing like that after the home gathering we went to a pub, and this lady dressed like I mentioned, black tiny shorts, backless shirt, very skimpy. When we arrived at the pub, the pub soon was going to close, but since they want to continue partying, all the group that was at the house, decided to go to another place, the thing was not to go home but to continue having fun somewhere else. I had to wake up very early the next day so I did not join them to wherever they went afterwards. The next day I just found out, that they all returned to their houses around 4 or 430 in the morning.
This behavior of this lady got me thinking, Is that the example she wants to set for her son? I mean I know she accepted this job downtown for a better future for her baby, but that does not mean she has to misbehave, like she does not have any kind of attachment, she has a son and her mother is the one taking care of the baby for who knows how long in another city while she finds a better life for her son downtown. I mean this lady is a very easy going, funny lady, I just hope she wont get pregnant again for acting irresponsible, just because she has not enjoyed her life as a young lady the way young ladies suppose to have fun because she had a baby very young, and now she is independent and free and living with boys roommates.

I think she's doing exactly what a LOT of us moms do when we can leave the kids for the night: forget being a parent and have FUN!!!
My son is away for the summer with his grandparents, and I have been out to the clubs 3 times in the last 3 weeks- not because I'm not responsible and misbehaving, but because I deserve to have a night out without thinking of taking care of anyone but myself.
While my children have never not lived with me full time, I too was a young mother.
By the time I was 21, I had a 4 year old, a two year old, and was divorced.
I'm not sure I think she's misbehaving, rather, I think she's getting a taste of freedom as a young woman. Whether her child lives with her or not, EVERY mother needs time for themselves away from their children. It isn't fair to expect her to go to work, come home, and do nothing else.
If she's trying to create a new life for her child, she's going to have to live that life- away from the watchful eyes of her parents, and since she's an adult, she's going to have to take responsibility for whatever happens.
You didn't mention anything illegal, or even immoral, in my opinion. I think she's a young woman who had a fun time. Hopefully soon she'll bring her son to live with her, and when that happens, she'll undoubtedly slow down some, but there's nothing wrong with getting a sitter and going out once in a while.
Moody, who'd love a night out!
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I agree with everyone else.
This woman is showing independence by finding a place to live close to work - looking for a nanny for her son - leaving her son in the care of her obviously very capable parents while she does so, visiting him every weekend, inviting people to her home where they eat and drink, and going out and having a good time.
Asking if she's setting a bad example for her son makes little sense, since he's NOT there. Staying up late on the weekends? How late? And if she doesn't have to work the next day, who cares? When did someone's behavior become dicated by their bedtime?
Those of us that did NOT have children at 21 got to party - and sometimes party rather hard. Even with the freedom she has, she is still more restricted than many of us were at 21 - and apparently, by what you've written, behaving very responsibly.
Gasp! Sometimes, when I don't have my kids, I don't even come home!
She's just having fun - good for her!