do you do anything for the day you start

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
do you do anything for the day you start
14
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:08pm
started dating with your man because i was giving my boyfriend crap about not remembering the day we started dating and i made the comment that our one year anniversry would go by and he would even noticed and he said anniversrys are only if you are married and he never did anything with his last girlfriends. is this normal i'm i wrong to expect him to want to do something when we've been together a year i'm not expected diamonds but i thought he would a least do flowers or something i had planned on getting him something. what difference does it make if you are married or not when i comes to being together. he is 32 years old and i'm 22 maybe i'm just being stupid about it i've never been with someone for more than a year maybe it's just me showing my age.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:17pm
Of COURSE you do...I think you should pay attention to his attitude and decide if this is who you really want to be with. I had a collegue at work whose whole attitude of romance was, I'm here aren't I? Acknowledge that he's 32, he's not going to change and either accept this about him or dump him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:23pm
thanks. actally when i told him a had expected that we do something for our anniveristy he said that he could tell that i was important to me so we would but none of his other girlfriends ether hadn't said anything to him or didn't want to. he just seemed so clueless about it. for the most part he is romantic gives me flowers for no reason presents on my birthday and for christmas. maybe that why i was so surprised about the anniveristy thing. i don't want to break up with him over it i just wanted to make sure i wasn't the only one out there who thought this way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:30pm

Bottom line... if its important to you then it is important to him...if he is not willing to meet you wants and needs and desires...hes gotten lazy and you have proven you have given away too much of your power. Time to take it back so this man will do what ever it takes to keep you satisfied and happy. Dont second guess your deserving of something woman....of course you do!! AND show him just how much by how much you dont need him and how fantastic you are!!

READ-- Men who love bitches...it will empower you ( the bitch is a play on words ) its a book about not giving too much of yourself.

Happy anniversary from me and best of luck to you :)

MB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:53pm

I think that if you both want to do something fun to commemorate the day you dated that is okay. But you should not expect him to make a big deal - guys just are not that way. And that has nothing to do with how he would act if you were married.

I would be inclined to say - hey - did you realize we have been going out a whole year? Let's do the same date again!! Only maybe this time I would sleep with you on that first date! (okay so you have to have a carrot for the guy - eh? ;-) )

But I would not expect him to get all googoogaga over that and you can't really be mad he is not that way. Be glad you are with the same person a year later - the rest of the world is in the dating jungle and would kill to trade places with you!!

Good luck and congrats. This is a good problem to have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 10:19pm
I have never wanted to, cared or actually celebrated a 'dating' anniversiary. I think you did the right thing telling him it's important to you, and he did the right thing agreeing to celebrate it together. But it's very possible none of his previous girlfriends thought it was important. I don't make a big deal of birthdays either, just want it to be acknowledged is all. I know some women who celebrate their whole birthday "week" and expect presents each day. To each their own.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:16am

Well, in all honesty, I don't know what day I met my boy friend.

Kim

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:48am

Oh honey, I don't think you're stupid. Don't beat yourself up. This is just a difference of opinion.


I am sorry you were let down. It's a bummer to anticipate something and assume someone else is thinking the same way and then find out they aren't.


Me personally, I've never celebrated first date anniversaries. When I was dating my now DH, we would notice (read, I would notice) when it was around that time and go "hey, we've been together 1 year now OR 2 years now" and I'd get a BIG FAT KISS. That's it. No fanfare.


But me? I have a hard time getting my guy to give a crap about Valentines day right now. He does it for my sake, but not his. And that's kind of a let down. He's one of those "I love you every day, so why does one have to be special?" kind of people (To which I reply, "you're alive every day. Why should we celebrate a birthday when you're here all the time?" LOL)


Anyway, maybe it's just an age difference and a different kind of eagerness on your part. I hope he was kind in letting you down by saying that he's never celebrated something like that. Maybe you can just have a nice night of sex to make up for it and celebrate that way. ;)

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:50am

And that has nothing to do with how he would act if you were married...


I agree 100% My Jas has never paid attention to "little" anniversaries, but our WEDDING anniversary and MY Birthday (because it's very important to me. ;) are always big deals. That's how he is.

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:57am

Becky

 

 

Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 12:33pm

Just wanted to chime in that yes I celebrate my dating anniversary with my SO. I honestly couldn't tell you if I ever did that with another guy I dated but I've only had like 3 relationships that made it past one year anyway. ;)

But the first year we were dating, he'd always forget the "date" of our first date. So I reminded him, shamelessly. He honestly didn't get the concept of celebrating it, didn't understand how buying me a card was really a big deal, he didn't get the whole "planning something special" thing at all. I had to train him. haha. And this past summer when we had our 3rd year anniversary we did go away to celebrate and it was very nice. He gets it now. Hey, I figure why not celebrate it! There's little enough to celebrate in the world these days and my love for my SO is no less valuable because I don't have a ring, right?

He'll get it eventually!
Hugs
Tara

 

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