do you do anything for the day you start

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
do you do anything for the day you start
14
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:08pm
started dating with your man because i was giving my boyfriend crap about not remembering the day we started dating and i made the comment that our one year anniversry would go by and he would even noticed and he said anniversrys are only if you are married and he never did anything with his last girlfriends. is this normal i'm i wrong to expect him to want to do something when we've been together a year i'm not expected diamonds but i thought he would a least do flowers or something i had planned on getting him something. what difference does it make if you are married or not when i comes to being together. he is 32 years old and i'm 22 maybe i'm just being stupid about it i've never been with someone for more than a year maybe it's just me showing my age.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 1:20pm
I think that's great that you talked it out with him and that he's being responsive. That's key. Now if you talked to him about it and he said who cares, then there would be an issue.
So what are you going to be doing to mark the day? What was your first date like?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 3:25pm

Hi, Welcome!


I don't think you're being silly at all! Everyone is different, true. But YOU need to find the kind of person who fits your needs and wants as much as possible.


I sure want someone who remembers those anniversaries. Heck, Ideally, I want someone who remembers vividly the first time he saw me! I want it to be emblazoned in his memory, indelibly! I want him to tell me someday, "I was crazy about you from the first time I saw you. I said to myself 'I want her to be mine!' :)"


So if you're crazy, I'm a raving lunatic.


Hang on to your dreams...


Candi

Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 5:05pm

I wouldn't read too much into it and since he said that since it was important to you then he'd be willing to do something special I wouldn't automatically assume he's just not sensitive enough or whatever. My dh didn't even get me a card, let alone do something special with the two of us. In fact, I got him a herb olive oil thing that I knew he'd love and a card and while he was appreciative, I ended up feeling really silly. And we'd been living together for several months and had gotten engaged the month before so it wasn't like we weren't serious! His comment was that after next year we'd have a "real" anniversary to celebrate. So, I don't think that it's that uncommon for guys to assume anniversaries are just if you're married. And I don't know you're guys so I can't say but try to remember that there isn't just one definition of romance and also recognize his way of expressing love as well. My aunt was telling me about a book, sorry can't remember the title, but basically the idea was that everyone has a language of love, how the express and prefer to receive love and it's not always the same for both people. Her dh's way of expressing and the way he feels love most is through jestures like making her her kitchen cabinets, or having the floor mopped when she came home one night because even though he'd worked all day too, he knew she was tired and would feel that it needed to be done for company that was coming the next day. And being a smart woman, she recognized that was one of his ways of saying I love you. (BTW, they've been married 34 years). That's not to say that he shouldn't recognize her need for more traditional romance (one Christmas on Christmas Eve, he hid a pair of diamond earrings under her pillow--in the box of course LOL. That wasn't his normal style and they usually didn't even exchange gifts between them on Christmas, but was huge because it wasn't his normal style and meant something to her.) My dh is romantic sometimes but I've come to broaden my definitions too. It's romantic to me that he sometimes leaves me cash on my dresser (I never carry cash) so that I'll actually go buy my lunch since he knows I tend to scrimp on myself and just have leftovers or something. It's romantic to me that he got me the whole bath caddy thing, just to make sure that I'd spend longer time soaking in the tub. Anyway, just my opinion.

A couple other things; after we were married, one day we were sitting there just talking and he raised his glass of wine and told me "Happy One Month Anniversary!" I hadn't even noticed LOL So, not necessarily an indication of how he'd act if you were married. Oh and BTW, when our "real" aniversary did come around I got a nice dinner out and matching pearl necklace and bracelet and a really touching card.




Edited 1/18/2005 5:10 pm ET ET by comountainsprite
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 5:48pm

Great post Andrea! And I TOTALLY remember you're being embarrassed about buying him that anniversary gift and him not getting it.


The book: The Five Love Languages, yes? Here's a link. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1881273156/qid=1106088391/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/002-2019140-6566452?v=glance&s=books&n=507846


Great book. VERY helpful concepts.

Becky

Becky

 

 

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