Do you think this is a Red Flag?
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| Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:19am |
So yesterday I posted about having a date on Fri. Now I see myself as someone that is cautious and someone with good intuition(usually aside from Mayas dad!;)
So I was wondering if a guy told you he "was" married and they seperated almost 2 years ago now...Does that sound like he is not divorced or did he just choose not to use that termonology? Would his friends..who seem like awesome people even try to fix up someone that is still married. They way he talked about everything it seemed evident that he was divorced but I wanted to get some more opinions. Also I know everybody heals at a different pace but would you ladies have a problem dating somebody if the seperated 1 1/2 to 2 years ago? Do you think that would be enough time for him to move on? Jenn

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Is there somewhere you can look it up? Our county has a website where you can look up divorces and criminal convictions.
I dated someone who called himself "divorced" when he's actually only legally separated.
In my opinion, it ain't over till it's legally over and no amount of time is going to be enough time. Just my opinion.
Not everyone heals at the same pace, however, he might be okay now. I doubt his friends would set you up with a man that isn't ready to move on. The guy even said he would fix his friend up with his sister if he had one, so that should say something. I'd go ahead and go out with him and get a feel for his situation. What's the worst that could happen? You have a good time, but realize it isn't right. That's it.
Enjoy your date.
Mel
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Hi Jenn, do you mean that you haven't had a first date yet, but have been fixed up and will have a date this coming Friday?
I have a good friend whose divorce took 5 years from the date of the initial filing to the date the order was actually entered. 5 years. He had been in a serious relationship for a year by the time the order was entered - they got engaged a year later - and they'll be getting married next April.
And then there is me . . . I moved out the end of January, my divorce was final in April, I met TT in May, we were hot and heavy in love in June, pregnant in January, moved in in May, had our baby in September, and married the following August. There were a MILLION red flags waving in TT's face about me. I'm glad he acknowledged them - but also chose to continue the relationship.
Mindy
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I feel like his friends wouldn't hook her up with a guy that was not ready, however, they never have to see her again to answer to her if she chose to confront them on this.
I remember dating a man (you all know who) that wasn't yet divorced. I was confused into thinking they HAD filed and it was almost over, however, I had already dumped him by the time it was actually over. I think I might have been able to stick it out had he not allowed her to run his life. But then again, maybe I wouldn't have. At least not much longer than I did.
I made a deal that I'd never date another man that wasn't completely free. I stuck to that. It's just easier that way.
Mel
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*Clapping* (Family Feud Style)...GOOD Answer!
Good for him for not being offended.
WE WANT DETAILS!!
Mel
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Well, I didn't read the other replies, so I am not sure how my opinion will sound here. But DEFINITELY that would seem to me like he chose that particular terminiology purposefully. He didn't say he was divorced. Just said he was separated.
So, going on that, yeah, I personally would have a problem dating him. If he isn't divorced, then IMO, he hasn't had the chance to move on and deal with his past and then put it there. He is STILL IN that marriage. And he'll need some time even after it's truly final (if he intends to divorce!) to heal and be capable of a relationship.
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