Do You Want a Higher Value in Dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Do You Want a Higher Value in Dating?
11
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 10:38am

Look at this list from Baumeister - it was mentioned in an online psychology psychology course from MIT and I happened across it by chance

From Personality and Social Psychology Review 2004, Vol 8, No 4, 339-363 by Professor Roy F Baumeister, Dept of Psychology, Univ of FL

The title of the article is Sexual Economics: Sex as Female Resource for Social Exchange in Heterosexual Interactions. The thesis is that women do offer sex as a resource and men offer valuable resources in exchange for it including money/stability, affection, companionship, domestic help, social status, other resources.

Preconditions of market exchange:
In general, men want sex more than women want sex
In general, men have resources women want
Women are free to make sexual decisions
The man and woman live in a culture in which information about others' sexual activities is known or hinted about so that each person knows the current market price

Individual factors that RAISE value:
Woman is attractive
Woman is in young adulthood
Woman wears sexy clothing
Other men also want the woman
Man has high sex drive
Woman has had few or no prior sexual partners or has the reputation of having few or no sex partners

Individual factors that LOWER value:
Woman's age is past young adulthood
Woman is unattractive
Other woman also want the man (competition)
Woman has high sex drive
Man has much higher status than the woman
Woman lacks alternate access to resources
Woman has had many prior sex partners or has the reputation of having many sex partners

Market factors that RAISE value:
Larger pool of men than women
Female collusion to restrict men's sexual access to women
Men have few opportunities for sexual satisfaction

Market factors that LOWER value:
Larger pool of women than men
Permissive sexual norms
Men have easy access to porn or prostitutes

The report is actually 26 pages long and very interesting - explaining the profound change in our society and courtship from birth control and free access to porn. But I thought it was interesting.

Here is the online course list - so you can hear the class (#14) - it is very funny:
http://ocw.mit.edu/OcwWeb/Brain-and-Cognitive-Sciences/9-00Fall-2004/LectureNotes/index.htm

It is about sexual marketing!!

Interesting - but makes sense to me from all I have read and seen. (edited to add) I was thinking that it makes sense to be all you can be in the dating market, and present yourself as a valuable and discerning partner, so you can find a man whom you will respect for a long time and so you can be happy with the resources he brings. We can't all turn back the hands of time - but we can be a good catch in our own market!




Edited 6/28/2008 10:45 am ET by cl-west1745

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 10:53am

This is fantastic!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 11:06am

Yes - I think value is relative - because a 40 year old is not going to get a 20 year old - although he may try and sometimes succeed. We all do have an age group and can be competitive in our respective age/demographic groups.

But men do have online access to all ages - so that is going to make it harder to be in your 40s versus your 30s.

I also think that being active in groups where you are around men who do not do OLD is good. Because the ones who do OLD are more savvy/greedy.

It is interesting how social norms have actually hurt us - birth control has made sex much more abundant - and online access to porn and dating. I feel the market is much more competitive now than when I was a teen.

I also think what we might want to do is not the right thing to do - dating is sort of counterintuitive to many of the things we do - like being too nice or helpful.

The online class had a funny thing - the professor was asking the class WHEN it would be most likely that a younger man would want an older woman? And the answer was - when the younger woman around him are not sexually active or mature - that he knows he can get it with an older woman. Although he did say that today's norms do allow for younger men being attracted to older woman and we do have examples of that here with City - because they are both musically inclined plus we all know about Demi Moore.

The online class that I listed is very funny - he starts off with a survey where they asked 3 basic questions to groups of men and women and got much different answers:

They had a survey for an attractive girl asking guys and here are how many
said yes:

* would you go on a date with me 50%
* would you go back to my apt 67%
* would you have sex with me 75%

They had a survey for an attractive guy asking girls and here are how many
said yes:

* would you go on a date with me 50%
* would you go back to my apt 6%
* would you have sex with me 0%

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 12:22pm

Interesting numbers for those survey questions. I wonder how many of those girls were lying??? I just can't believe the sex response was 0%.


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 12:26pm

I wonder how many of those girls were lying???


Hmm... I guess that depends upon whether the women considered it a theoretical question, or a genuine proposition.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 12:29pm
I say that only because I know how women CAN get... once they are in a situation with a man they think is hot. It's not so easy to just say 'no' sometimes, if you are caught up in the moment. I've BTDT in my young and stupid years... but for me today? It WOULD be 0%!!

~shrimpy


It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 12:56pm

Very interesting.. About men who dont do OLD.. - Biker never did OLD , wont do and he dosnt think online is a good way to meet a womam..He used to go on activities by himself.

Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 12:58pm

Things to do today:


Wash car
Clean Bathroom
Buy sexier clothes


"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 6:53pm
Ok about the sexy clothes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 7:07pm

men don't like overly sexy style of dress because it gives the statement of "community property"


I agree, and I think it ties back to:


Woman has had few or no prior sexual partners or has the reputation of having few or no sex partners


The lecture gave a great psychological basis for it, with which I'm sure Dr. Helen Fisher (dating anthropologist guru) would agree!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 7:42pm

I think there are "sexy clothes" and there are "sexy clothes" - you would want something that shows off your femininity like a pretty dress or skirt without looking like you have slept with the whole town as in some of the stuff you see out at a club. And probably something that looks "well dressed" and not "sloppy"

But that is an oxymoron! LOL!!

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