does anyone get tired of being patient?
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| Sat, 03-05-2005 - 6:51pm |
Hello everyone,
Sometimes I get tired of how long this whole divorce process takes- not the actual papers, but the emotional part. I get tired of being in pain , tired of healing, tired of "finding" my new self. I've been separated for a year and, as many of you know, I was alone long before that. Quite frankly, I like men. Not just for sex- the FWB thing could never work for me, personally, but I love relationships. I love the warmth of another person. I love...loving. I just want to feel normal again. I'm sick of being patient. And quite honestly, I'm sick of feeling as is I have to earn everything and pay for it in blood. Why can't beautiful things just happen? Beautiful things happen everyday with my children...I love them. I wish that were enough. But it just isnt'. I just feel ...tired. Comments?
Amy

To answer your question - YES!! YES!!YES!!YES!!YES!!YES!!YES!!
It was tiring waiting the whole year for my divorce to be final. And it took a long time before the pain of a failed marriage would subside, and just as long for my family to adjust - about 4 years. All of a sudden this year it has just gotten better - my parents are now helpful, my ex is more cooperative and my son is thriving. The dust just settled and there is now this ray of sunshine for me. I don't get sad very often - although some things can trigger it from time to time - like watching a baby cry on a plane or having to go through Xmas without my son.
Dating afterwards has been no piece of cake. At first I was very ambitious/positive - but I assumed that all men wanted the same thing I did - to find someone great and live happily ever after and have a great relationship and fall in love. I assumed dating now would be like it was over 10 years ago when I was single before I got married. I assumed that sex meant he felt the same way and wanted to commit. WRONGOLA!!
I have found that many men are quite happy to have a FWB (friend with benefits) or simply booty call girl. You have to take your time to make sure his intentions are the same as your intentions. You have to hold your heart back a little and see how it goes.
2 of the books that helped me the most are "Mars and Venus on a Date" and "He's Just Not That Into You" - wonderful reading.
I am waiting for the right person - but that is a little like watching a pot of water boil. If you stand there and watch the pot the whole time it will seem to take forever. But if you are busy doing other things it comes to a boil right away!! :-)
For you the best medicine is time, people and activities. I don't know what your interests are, but you have to find them and find people to do fun things with. I have worked very very hard on my activities and my social circle. That is my whole focus now. And you know what? In time I am going to meet the right person this way.
For me, my activities are EXERCISE - but for competition. I have coaches, many workout partners, and races to go to - I swim, bike, run - TRIATHLON!! I am in better shape now than when I was in my 20s and most people think I am 10-12 years younger than I really am. I have TONS of fun friends - and my son is involved, too.
Where there is a will, there is a way. The healthier you become, the better your next partner will be. And then, hopefully, you will never have to pass down this road again.
Try to look at your time now like it is something good for you - you are growing as a person - now is the time to become you again. It is a fresh slate. Do something with it.
Here is a race picture of me:
http://www.asiorders.com/view_user_photo.asp?EVENTID=7020&ID=12966064&FROM=photos&BIB=773
I swam 1.5 miles in a cold, black, choppy lake in the rain. Couldn't see the buoys - had to learn to follow others. This gets my mind off all of my problems and when I come home again I have a fresh start on my life.
When I was first divorced I could not swim more than 2 laps in a pool. But I got lessons and before you know it, I was swimming 1/4 mile in the ocean. Then I got talked into a .9 mile swim. And this past summer I swam 2.5 miles in a cold lake in Sweden.
Anything is possible!!
Edited 3/5/2005 7:57 pm ET ET by west1745
West,
Thank you for your reply and I have to say ...it was inspirational. It is good just to feel understood. Sometimes that is all a person wants. But it was also wonderful to benefit from your experience of growth. Your photos were posititvely influential. You are gorgeous! Normally I would say, well , I could never be like her...but you said that you couldn't swim 2 laps not too long ago. To hear about others stories of growth is so inspirational to me. I thank you very much and I hope others will post as well.
Amy
My divorce is in the final stages ( we are just finalizing the child support) but the emotinal part is so much more difficult to deal with.
Hey Amy,
yeah, I can totally sing a song about feeling impatient, etc.
My divorce in Germany took almost 4yrs. Matter of fact it was over on my wedding day. Never felt so relieved. I can only count my lucky stars I didn't get divorced in Ireland, that takes over 5yrs. Never will I marry another European! LOL!
Anyhow, I often am very tired of being patient, being the strong one in everything, getting the short end of the stick in most everything. The only grateful thing, and I count my lucky stars, are my girls. They are my happiness, my true loves of my life. Otherwise, everything else is a nightmare. I'll be happy when it's all over here.
I feel tired of being responsible for everything and everyone. Since the fathers are out of the picture and I have a sick mother, it just get's hard to care for the girls and my mom and myself. The girls are still simple, but my mother drives me absolutely insane.
She makes my life hard to deal with. I love her, but I can't wait to move away from her. Does that make sense? I want to make my own choices, live the way I want to live and not have her criticize everything in my life and give her 2 cents. Everytime I try to tell her to leave me alone, she makes my life worse and gives me a guilt trip that I don't like her, etc etc. That is why I know I have to move back to the States or I'll never get away from her. She's like a burr stuck in my hair. Impossible to get out. LOL. Like I said, it sounds mean, but after 26 yrs of caring for her, it's my turn.
That is why I am just thrilled to finally get away from it all soon. I don't think of anything else but this vacation in April/May and getting away just for myself for almost 3 whole weeks. It's the first time I've ever been alone on a vacation someplace. No kids, no mom, no work, no commute, no responsibility. Just me alone, getting to choose where I want to go, with who and do what whatever I want or not. A little bit of business will be involved as well, but in the long run, it's me and just me, me and again me. I am hoping it will give me a lot of time to be alone and just THINK. Think about it all. clear my mind, make some solid decisions, etc.