Does she like me?
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| Tue, 04-18-2006 - 4:20am |
For those of you who don't know me I took a woman from work out 2weeks ago. I am 27, she is 34 with a 10yr old daughter. She just got out of a 6 year relationship (he was living with her at the end). The date went well. We went to the hockey game and went for a drink afterward and I listened with an open ear as she spoke about some things including her ex which was to be expected.
I never have been in a serious relationship and want to with this woman. She had said that we could go out again sometime after we went out the first time. Last week she was on vaction and her door was open to her office (long story) so I took it upon myself to place a few notes under a few items in the room. The notes were places we could go together. Now, at that moment I thought it was a cute and creative gesture. I told her about them and she said, "we will see if we can go out".
Sunday night before she got home I talked to her on the phone and told her how I felt in general about her because she is moving back home to CA and I want to make the move as well (independent of her of course) just so I can be closer if things were to work out. I told her that I thought I might be a bit overbearring with the notes but that I thought it was creative. She laughed, asked me if my heart was racing and she said no, I had not been overbearing her. (Is the laugh good or bad women?)
Monday, I walked in and she gave me a big hug. After some discussion I brought up the notes and she said "u know I'm going to look at all of them and see which one I like best". So I picked them all up, gave them to her, and she read them all. In the end she said that "we" would have to decide what "we" wanted to do. Then she asked me for a lighter for her candles but I didn't have one so I had to go get one. I bought one along with some candy to replace the candy that people had eaten out of her office. In giving them to her she said "you went and bought a blue lighter?" (her fav. color) She said, "you pay attention don't you" and I said "you give me information and I always try to remember." She said "You are so good to me".
Here is the thing. I do the little things, flowers on the first date, the candy, the lighter in her fav. color and we are going to go out again. I am moving for more reasons than just her but she is still part of the reason. I have never gone after anything in my life and she is worth anyything in the world. Does she like me? She doesn't call me but we see eachother everyday. She doesn't ask me questions but we communicate very well. (By questions I mean she doesn't seem to show interest in knowinng more about me). When I told her about the move she said that it was a long drive for both of us but didn't say not to.
I figure she doesn't call really because she spends her free time with her daughter...she is a workaholic. My biggest problem is that I don't know if an older woman can fall in love with a guy she thinks is "cute", not looking maybe, but u know what I mean. She teases me alot about many different things. I am more serious away from work but I don't want to be labeled as some "cute guy" that she has no romantic interest in. So, what do I do? Any advice would be appreciated!

Hi, Aces. Here's the thing. If she were posting here, I'd be cautioning her to take things slowly with you, since she's just come out of a long relationship.
She needs to concentrate right now on her daughter, and make sure she's being fair to herself, her daughter, and YOU, by not transferring any feelings of gratitude for you being so attentive and sweet into something more. She does like you, but right now she might only like you as a friend.
It seems like she's not pushing you away, but she is willing to let you take the lead, and that might be a good thing. I think if you want to move, move, but make sure you won't be moving for her, because things may never go any further than they are right now.
The age difference might not be that big a deal, everyone feels differently about things like that, and some people aren't bothered by it at all.
Just make sure you don't push too hard, take your time, and continue to be yourself with her. It seems like so far, you're doing fine. If you continue to take things slowly, you won't fall into the "rebound guy" status, and that's a good thing.
As far as her seeing you as "cute" because you're so much younger than her, are you acting immaturely around her? It doesn't seem as though you are, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. I have been around guys twice my age who are too "young" for me, and guys younger than me who seem much older because of the way they behave.
Good luck, keep us posted, and you're certainly welcome to chime in with a guy's point of view on our posts!
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Thank you for the advice. I forgot to mention that I was sent to a managers meeting (I am not management) out of state for a particular topic. I went, took lots of notes and then I summarized them and am presenting what I learned to our supervisors in their meeting. Because she is one of the managers of these supervisors, she will be there. I gave her the typed notes and she laugh and told me I am such a nerd.
Why do I mention this? Well, I know when a woman says something like that there is underlying meaning but I can't figure out what. I realize that I might be thinking too hard but I seriously don't want to mess this up if I have a chance. So what does she mean by that comment. Her laugh was a funny laugh but it kinda felt like her subconcious might have been saying, you're trying to hard (Aces) and you're cute or you're making yourself look like a fool. Of course I did what I did so that OUR Boss (her boss and mine) can see that he didn't waste his time in sending me and at no point did I do it to impress her.
Like I said, I just don't want to get to the point where she just sees me as some cute "kid" as opposed to a man who can lead, parent, and take control when necessary...
Aces,
First of all, welcome to this board! It's so refreshing to have a man's point of view on trying to succeed in forming a true relationship.
Ok, on to the subject....
For one, I think you are just a bit hyper-sensitive right now. You want to make this work in the worst way, and are over analyzing things. (trust me, I have a PhD in over-analasys..lol ) I think she truely likes you, but may be holding back due to her JUST coming out of a 6 year deep rooted relationship, not to mention she's a workaholic, AND a mother to a little girl.... Give her time.. let her know that you are her friend, as well as you have already let her know that you are very interested. She's got it. She will open up when she's ready..
As for the nerd comment...she likes you..i took it as she was flirting with you...playful if you may... if you were being studious and trying to make a good impression for whomever...even under the laugh, she knows that you are a 'good egg' that stuff shines through. You say that she came out of a bad relationship? If so, then she knows who you are, and does appreciate all that you do for her.. listen to her.. she's telling you volumes of information.. She's already noted to you that "you pay attention". Trust me, a woman her age, and what she's gone through, even though she doesn't come out and say, "Wow, you're one hell of a guy" she is thinking it. And that does mean something. Listen to the little comments that she makes to you. The observations that she states. She's watching and 'noting'...just give it time.
She might see you as a 'cute kid' right now, because that's all she might be able to handle right now, or maybe she's thinking that you can't be serious being so young.. but again, through time, and perseverence, she will see that you are serious.
And even though she may see all of this, there is no guarantee that things will work out they way you soo badly want them to. All of the other posters have good advice.. Heed it.;)
Oh and by the way Aces... You ARE cute! I can tell just in your writings that you are just adorable.. you have this innocent way about you that comes through in your writing that is very charming... I bet she adores that about you.. I know I would. (no, i'm not making a move.. just thought I'd share my opinion..;) )
Relax.. I think you're doing a good job ....
Lisa
I think the nerd thing could be her way of complimenting you... your attention to detail, doing a job well, even being attracted to an older woman.
Well, since I don't know her, I can only guess her meaning behind calling you a "nerd." She could have meant it in a totally good way (like- "You are such a nerd, and smart men really turn me on") in a teasing co-worker way ("You are such a nerd, why do I have to work with incompetent fools?") or in a "cute, young man way ("You are such a nerd, and I'll never see you as anything other than my little brother who I happen to think is cute in a puppy-doggish way")
If you took copious notes because you normally would have, then don't worry about it.
Try relaxing, and just not worrying so much. It's obvious you like her, and she's got to be dumber than a post if she can't see that. If she's dumber than a post, you don't really want her, right?
Somebody (or several somebodies) told me this dating crap is supposed to be fun, so have some fun with it.
One more thing- keep your work life as seperate from your private life as possible. It's completely normal (at least for me) to act just a little bit differently at work than I do at home (so you don't have to be domineering and "manly" at work)- and if you're romancing (or trying to) a co-worker, she might be hesitant because she doesn't want to become the water cooler's latest juicy gossip.
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Welcome! You have a lot of good answers here. The only thing that will tell you is time. Be patient and don't try to do too much - let things happen on their own. Sometimes when you try to hard you sabotage yourself. And really, no matter what you do, you have no control - if it is meant to be it will be.
You sound like a really nice guy - I wouldn't worry about the age difference.
Good luck and keep us posted. Feel free to post anytime!
Hi Aces,
I think you're doing fine.
Alright so finally I had an opportunity to check out some of these awesome replies and I thank you. We decided that we will hike next week after she drops her daughter off. Instead of crossing the line of no return and showing up with a bottle of wine and all that, I just asked if she would like to have a picnic. Basically we are going to and I think we will have fun...or so I hope. Perhaps just sitting and talking back away from the city and the life we have which is basically work will give us a chance to click.
Just to give you an idea she said "I am not classy enough for wine" and mentioned that she didn't really like it anyway. I think we are progressing but I am not pushing the issue. She teases me ALOT, I mean every chance she gets and while the guy inside me wants to say its flirting I don't really know. I know that some of you women do tease and do it only because you can. Either way I enjoy it but am still not quite sure if its her way of flirting.
I guess the message to me would be go have fun and take things slow, correct? Have fun, talk, and don't do anything irrational. What are your thoughts on having daisies for her?
Aces, daisies are very nice. It's a thoughtful gesture. Not a bad idea.
As far as the teasing goes, some women DO tease only because they can, others (a lot of others) do it to flirt. Since we don't know her, we can't really make assumptions about why she is doing it. I would say though, if she's teasing you and not others, it's because she likes you.
So relax, have fun on the picnic! Don't try too hard, and just be yourself. Enjoy this for what it is right now- a very nice friendship with a colleague. If she wants there to be something more, I'm pretty sure she'll give you a clue.
Let us know how it goes!
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Lisa