Don't always listen to male advice!...

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Registered: 04-08-2003
Don't always listen to male advice!...
8
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 11:11am




Edited 3/16/2008 4:49 pm ET by myprecioustwo


Edited 3/16/2008 4:50 pm ET by myprecioustwo
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Registered: 11-03-2003
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 12:28pm

I've missed a chunk of this relationship story, so I'm sorry if my remarks are off base.


I didn't read anything in his comments to indicate fear.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 1:34pm

Obviously nexted but not totally by my choice. I wanted time, not total disconnect. HOWEVER, on my journey to understanding a few things in my life. I have now found out in a 30 minute stop at Barnes and Nobles something that maybe could have been taught to me a long time ago and something I should never have done in almost ALL of my relationships and that was: Giving UNSOLICITED advice.


By giving unsolicited advice, I basically tried to tell the men in my life they were incompetent. It made such sense AND yes, obviously after all this time, I picked up a copy of men are from mars, women are from venus.


I have always wanted to help, like i did with C and I offered advice because I wanted to help, not make him feel incompetent, but that is EXACTLY what I did.


So my goal for the next four weeks is to learn to not to give

Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 3:17pm

I admire you for making such a commitment myprecious.

I like what CNDG does for her daughters. Whenever they ask her what to do (this is solicited advice), she won't tell them. She does tell them that they have to make their own decisions. Ex. when her DD13 asked her what to sign up for classes next year in high school.

I learned about unsolicited advice from my personal growth seminar Wings (www.wings-seminars.com). I learned to ask "Do you care for feedback?." But I'm usually I'm not tempted to give advice for I know for myself I don't like receiving it.

I believe we have in each of us the wisdom to know what is best for us. I do ask for someone else's *perspective* because I know I have blind spots on seeing things. Ex. when I was going thru this hard time at work where I was about to be fired, I was sharing my fear with a friend of mine. She just started laughing which really threw me for a loop. WTF?! After she explained how she looked at it (I forget how...), it gave me another way of looking at my situation and consequently had a better way of dealing with it.

Take care,
Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







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Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 3:23pm

Aww Cat - at least you tried.

You know, you are getting closer each time - Nascar was nice and so was this one. They just each had one thing that is not good for you.

We are all keeping our fingers crossed that you will get a good one.

And now you have closure- no more hope - and that is a good thing.

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Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 6:53pm

Awww Cat (((((HUGS))))))


This one really got you down, didn't he?


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Registered: 09-25-2004
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 7:41pm

Hi Cat, I cant read your original post .Seems like you deleted it?


Anyhow this last post here seems to make a lot of sense. I am somewhat like you. So I can totally inderstand that "giving unsolicited advice"..My dad is like that. When I see him doing that with others (I dont know what he means exactly: may be he just wants to be friendly with them or he means well, or he just wants to show off how well rounded he is.. ( my relationship with my dad is not the greatest)).. So anyhow, I always cringe I feel "why cant he just mind his buisness..". I find it so irritating.. I used to think of us that someone who actually cares would talk less and do more.


But guess what this giving unsolicited advice thing is in my blood too. But I try and control it so much.. My ex always liked my advices.. Biker doenst like it if I give him too may advice. He likes to hear my suggestions but he doesnt want a mommy ( which I tend to

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 8:51pm

omg this I can really relate too, I don't do it as much now but I have had a tendency to do that in the past, like you I think I have the natural helper gene and I too have had to learn to zip it over the years, and guess what? -now I am teaching my 3 offsprings the need to ziip it in certain situations - mostly when they tell me why they did something I just told them not to do, or vice versa - and naturally guess where they learnt/inherited that from?lol

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

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Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 11:18am
You must have read the chapter on Mr. Fixit and the Home Improvement team.