don't ask me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
don't ask me???
7
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 9:04am

I wouldn't say i'm confused but i don't have a clue ... i feel like MM and i have gotten closer. the makeout sessions have gotten steamier. I'm encouraged on the one hand that we now have chemistry... remember it was lacking on the first couple dates. But after all his doubting comments just a few weeks ago, i don't know if he's coming or going.


What does it mean when a guy says "thank you".... i thought it was for giving him a ride home (his designated driver left the halloween party early and i wasn't drinking so i gave him a ride home)... he said well that and just everything. His exact words "for everything that has or hasn't happened. thank you for everything." the last time someone said that to me, he was breaking up with me... thanks for everything, bye... so i mentioned that to MM... that i didn't quite understand what "thank you for everything" meant... he said, his thank you was a "hello" thank you for everything.. NOT a goodbye. I was still confused... but i said, "okay. your welcome".


We had another pretty hot and heavy makeout session... i held back though because of not being sure where things are going. we're not really dating but we are... and we are not just friends but a little more.... limbo zone. I'm not going to let it drive me crazy.... and i won't overthink. And he did ask me out for Monday... so he is asking me out. We have so much in common.. are minds are so similar. And tonight he kissed me very passionately not hesitantly. I could feel his uh hum get hard. ( Feels like a nice size too.... )

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 10:04am

I kind of see where you are coming from. The Summer Guy used to talk to me in much the same way. Granted he was way more physical from the get go, but he used to talk about "us" and kind of give me the impression that we were headed on one road, when in fact he was headed on a different (FWB) road. I think some guys take FWB to the very closest spot they can get to just short of a "relationship". Then they can justify being/not being in a relationship depending on their mood. I could never figure out how he could talk about getting closer, but then when I discussed it, he headed for the hills.

Maybe you need to make it clear to him what you want, knowing that his reaction might not be what you want, but will cause you less hurt in the long run.

On the other hand, make out sessions can be pretty nice. I'm jealous.

In the end, you have to figure out what YOU want, not what he wants. As we have all been with men who give mixed messages, it's too confusing, and with all the other stuff we have to deal with (kids, ex's, jobs) it causes too much extra stress.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 11:24am

thanks for the input... what do i want... yes, i should always focus on that! It's not that i don't know what i want but that i'm flexible. I'm kinda seeing two guys, myself, so when MM said nonexclusive, i couldn't argue with him.... I also don't want to jump into anything serious. Both MM and Single Dad have potential and i want to see where things go... MM shows me more attention and is moving things forward whereas Single Dad is not at the moment (but i met MM first so that gives him an advantage). I try to be my same self and i won't overthink what the other is thinking. (at least i hope i don't start doing that again around PMS time).


MM sent me a goodmorning text today saying "thanks for making my night"... sweet, isn't that. And you are also right, making out is great.... there's no need to overthink. I felt so comfortable and warm snuggled up with him. And he showed such passion... i couldn't help imagine how intense it would be to go all the

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 11:53am

I think that if you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 12:42pm

"kinda seeing two guys"... i'm counting MM and Single Dad... single dad is the kinda because we hang out but it hasn't been an official date. In Single Dad's defense, i know he's under a lot of pressure at work and finding a new job... he said he would keep me informed and apologized for being stressed. No, Single Dad doesn't see me with MM... they are in two different groups. MM is from meetup and Single Dad from my neighborhood bar. I know the job excuse has only a couple weeks lifespan... as i know, if he's into me, then he'd want a distraction from the work stuff.... but it's all good as of now.


MM has been showing a lot of interest over the last couple weeks. Funny that it was after the "let's be friends" talk. He said, he tried to stay in the friends zone but that didn't work so well... And i expressed my confidence that i'm a big girl and can handle nonexclusive dating... For right now, i have a good mindset. I don't feel in competition with anyone.. i am who i am and if he likes me, he likes me... etc. So i feel good about my attitude... With MM, i try to focus on the positives and his efforts lately. I decided i wasn't going to have those "where are we in the relationship" conversations... i was going to be cool... I've been doing good, actually. I'm impressed with myself as oppose to last month when i was driving myself nuts. LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 5:40pm
I'm telling you girl your confidence is awesome. As long as the two guys know they are not the only one have fun but be careful before it becomes more physical.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 8:26am

Loony,

You say youre not going to let it bother you but I think it is. I can tell you want definition more than anything else. Its important to know where you stand with someone. I was in your shoes with RG. I think your MM is wanting more but confused about where this is all going. So that makes two of you (I think) who are confused. If it were me I would put a stop to everything until there was a conversation defining the whole relationship. I doubt he is going for the FWB. He would have made a move a lot earlier if he was. I think he is confused. A long conversation might just clear things up for both of you.

Dont hang out in the limbo zone for too long. Its not a fun place to be. I did that with RG and regret it. I could have had peace of mind a lot earlier if I would have forced the conversation sooner. Oh and I had to force the conversation with RG. After our second intimacy that ended abruptly I had to have answers. You might have to force MM to talk too. Good luck.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 10:10am

thanks for the input... it's weird, i've done FWBs before, i've gone out with hotties and didn't care where the relationship was going.. even with TG, i was scare to death to "define" the relationship. the definition alone, threw me over the edge and i was a freak (most of you remember)... okay to give myself some credit, it was my first boyfriend in over 2 years. i really wasn't sure how i'd do or what patterns i wouldn't fall into, ya know.


However, with MM.... i feel differently. on the one hand, i'd like to think i can do an FWB (hey i like sex)... but on the other i wouldn't want the sex to forever change the trust and such that we have... or make things wierd between us (btw, we have NOT had sex for those who haven't followed the threads). Despite my attraction to MM, i still view him as a good friend. It might be hard for anyone to understand. We just met over the summer, but we connect mentally. We can talk and joke and think about stuff together. It is so stimulating to my mind. I enjoy it. I feel like if i needed help with something, he'd be there. I like the closeness and the connection. I wouldn't want my loony mind (the freakazoid part, anyway) to mess things up...


I know MM is confused. He told me as much. But i don't want to force him to make a decision, that's a sure fire way to scare someone away, right? I think of the song "Collide".